


In Sickness and Buffoonery

by FanaticeIllabantur



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Levi's POV, M/M, Partners to Lovers, Pining, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:41:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28179306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanaticeIllabantur/pseuds/FanaticeIllabantur
Summary: Upon discovering there are perks for those who are married in the Survey Corps, Levi searches for his best suitor. Feelings of varying degrees ensue.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 129
Kudos: 256





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> As I continue to be in denial for The Final Season and the ending of the manga, here’s an Eruri faking dating fic set in the canon verse! I’m excited to post this just before the holidays. 2020 has been a particularly draining year, and sometimes even writing fanfiction had its demands that I couldn’t answer, and having a break from university and trying to enjoy some levity with the holidays has been such a necessity. For everyone celebrating, I hope you have a wonderful festive season, and I hope everyone who isn’t celebrating is still able to enjoy some time away from the stresses of the year. 
> 
> It's light-hearted and touched with angst, there are fanfic tropes thrown in there now and again, and there's certainly a whole lot of pining. Happy holidays, and I hope you all enjoy x

There were actually very few perks to being a member of the Survey Corps. Levi had discovered this shortly after being initiated fully into it; the food was bad, the pay was bad, and, well, they were all probably going to die because of it. Levi would have thought there would be more incentives on offer given the risks the soldiers dealt with, but that was not the case. It was no surprise they always got the fewest recruits.

He mentioned this offhandedly to Hanji when they were in the mess hall just over a year into his time at the Corps. Whilst he was mixing a little better with everyone, he hung around mainly with Hanji. Most people got on his nerves and, whilst Hanji often could, they were the easiest to be around.

Hanji nodded when Levi mentioned it, slurping their broth. Levi rather wished they wouldn’t, and tried not to look at the mess accumulating on their chin.

“But we are the ones who have a freer lifestyle,” Hanji said. “I prefer living out here. The cities can be so stifling.”

Levi agreed with that sentiment, but he still thought maybe they should get some kind of incentive. What those were, he didn’t know, but he felt the Military Police probably got more than they did. They had a cushier lifestyle with better beds and homes, probably even better pay; the Corps didn’t get any of that. Sure, they could go outside the Walls and they got to travel, but were those really perks when they could, very well, be eaten on a workday?

Hanji continued, “You could get married, but there are downsides in that arena. I, for one, like being unattached.”

“Why would marriage help anything?”

“Because of the perks that come when you marry.”

“There are marital perks in the Corps?” This was the first he had heard of it. He supposed that made sense because he wasn’t dating, so why would anyone make him aware of it? No one ever saw him with anyone because he didn’t even fuck someone regularly. He had done that a little in Underground, but certainly not now, so it was fair no one had mentioned it.

Hanji nodded, still slurping the remainder of their broth, making Levi wanted to cringe visibly. He looked away instead of retching. Then, speaking with their mouth full, they said, “Yeah, like more days off, higher wage, pay-outs for deaths, it’s easier to rent or buy in the Capital, all sorts.”

Hanji obviously thought this was a throwaway conversation as they started talking about their latest experiment, but Levi thought it was due some consideration. Levi was not used to things that made life easier, and if they did, there was always a catch. The catch here, he supposed, was the marriage itself, but this idea wouldn’t leave him.

_Obviously,_ he wasn’t considering it. _Obviously,_ he wasn’t thinking about scouring his peers to decipher who might be his best match. _Obviously,_ he wasn’t thinking about who might also be morally ambiguous enough to do something illegal for gains.

But there were a few options, Levi decided as he got back to his room and thought about who might make a good potential mate. Levi liked only men, but he supposed that didn’t really matter. He considered Hanji, but the mere thought of people believing he was romantically involved with Hanji was so horrifying, it actually made him bilious. That option was written off the second it appeared in his mind.

There was Moblit, but he was too close with Hanji, and Levi didn’t know him all that well if he was honest. And if he tried to fake a relationship with Moblit, it would instantly be seen through because Hanji would know they barely knew each other. He also didn’t know if Moblit was okay with the lacking legality, so that was another no.

Of course, there was Mike. However, it was well-known that the two of them were not famous friends. If Levi went up to him to ask if they could marry for perks, Mike would probably be thankful and send him straight to the authorities. Levi thought he might be okay with the legality problems, but he might very well use it against Levi to get rid of him. And the thought of pretending they had been and were in love was horrifying.

There were a few others he considered, such as Abel or Nanaba, but none of them sat right. He spent an hour or two pouring through each of his fellow Survey Corps members, but they were all problematic. He also didn’t know many of them all that well. He was trying not to be fussy, it was a fake marriage after all, but most routes were too problematic.

Except for one; Erwin Smith.

Erwin could be infuriating; Levi was keenly aware of that fact. Since he was as stubborn as Levi, it meant Levi often left the room just to be away from him. He was also calculating, and it meant that his brain, in certain situations, worked too fast for Levi to keep up with. He had his flaws, and Levi would be the first to point them out.

But he also had a lot of strengths; he was incredibly intelligent, he could be funny, though not all that often, he had manners. There were lots of positives, and the thought of being married to him for perks didn’t seem all that appalling.

And they got along, Levi didn’t think it would be too impossible to believe that they might have been hiding a relationship or even that they could _be_ in a relationship. Levi wasn’t sure how he was going to angle it, but the idea that they had just been keeping it quiet seemed plausible as both something Levi would do, and something he and Erwin would do together.

On top of that, there was the fact that Levi knew Erwin was comfortable acting outside of the rules of the law, he could certainly be morally ambiguous. Sure, this might be a little different to what he was used to, but Levi thought he could be persuaded. Maybe.

Obviously, it was ridiculous and he shouldn’t even be considering it. Before he fell into his usual, fitful sleep, he kept thinking of how he was going to phrase it. Every time he tried to say it to his pretend Erwin in his mind, it didn’t sound right, so he thought to give up on it entirely.

Over the next couple of days, however, the idea kept harassing him. He saw Erwin a couple of times, in meetings, just passing down the hall, and he wondered what it would be like to be married to him. Just that domesticity, he wondered if he would be able to manage it. It wasn’t some ploy that could be finished in a couple of days or weeks, this would be for life, however long that was for them both. Neither of them would last forever, particularly not given their line of work, but it would have to last their lifetime.

And yet he was still able to picture it, even when he was irked by Erwin’s overzealous nature and irritating speeches, he could still picture being fake-married to him. If that was still plausible after a couple of days, Levi thought he might as well at least ask. He would never know if he didn’t. If Erwin turned him down, so be it, but it couldn’t ever happen if he didn’t pose the question.

A couple of days later, Levi entered Erwin’s office, without knocking as he never did. Erwin looked up at the disturbance and smiled the way he always did when Levi interrupted him and intruded into his office.

“Are you ever not at this desk?” Levi asked as he came into the room.

“When I sleep,” Erwin replied, putting down his pen. “Is everything all right?”

Levi shrugged. “Just the usual bullshit.”

Erwin smiled and nodded like this was what he had come to expect of Levi. They had known each other for over a year now, perhaps he did know Levi that well.

“I’m gonna ask you something now,” Levi prefaced. He hated prefacing things. He would much rather just get shit out of the way, blurt it all out because it could so easily get out of hand if things could build up. But this was an enormous question that would impact their lives, so maybe a little preface was deserved.

“Okay…”

He inhaled deeply, thinking that he had given it enough preamble, and said, “I think we should get married.”

Erwin stilled. His brow slowly lowered, his eyes drifting across the room as he thought about what Levi had just asked of him. Levi just watched and waited, crossing his arms and intent on even the smallest of Erwin’s reactions.

The silence wasn’t the most pleasant thing. Obviously, what Levi had asked of him wasn’t as simple as, ‘do you want a cup of tea’ or ‘shall we go for a walk’? He had asked Erwin to alter his life, and that was no small request. Of course it would take some time for Erwin to think it all through, but Levi didn’t care for silences. He loved quiet silences, but this one was weighted, heavy on his chest and mind, and only Erwin could alleviate it.

Erwin’s eyes then focused on Levi again and, slowly, he asked, “Come again?”

“I think we should get married,” Levi repeated.

“Yes, I thought that was what you had said.”

Levi tightened his arms across his chest. “You’re not married.”

“An astute observation.” Erwin’s smile was small, but some of the weight was lifted from the room.

“Why is that?”

“There hasn’t been anyone I’ve wanted to marry,” Erwin explained.

“Right,” Levi said, thinking about how to work that into his argument.

Erwin then continued, “I also don’t want to leave anyone behind. I do not wish to make anyone a widow or widower.”

As this was a much better reason for Levi to work into his argument, he said, “So would this not make sense then? Hanji mentioned there were perks for those who were married in the Corps.”

“Ah,” Erwin uttered, and his smile brightened. “Initially, I did not see where this had come from. I thought maybe you were about to declare your love for me, but I think I understand what has happened now.”

“Why not take advantage of that?”

Erwin nodded once, slowly, contemplative, not exactly an affirmation.

“I just… I thought you were… preferable,” Levi said, quietly into the near silent room.

Erwin nodded once more, slower still.

“I’m not an idiot. I know this is fraudulent. If it’s a firm no, I would ask that you don’t tell the authorities,” Levi said.

“I wouldn’t,” Erwin assured. “But…”

“I know it isn’t… exactly a reasonable request.”

He watched as Erwin inhaled, and then watched as he stilled again afterwards. It didn’t seem to be going extraordinarily well, but he didn’t think Erwin was going to run to the Military Police, so that was a bonus.

“If it’s a firm no, just don’t tell Nile,” Levi reiterated when Erwin didn’t respond. He had known it would be a long shot, and he didn’t ever embarrass, he just didn’t want Erwin to be awkward about it. “I’ll let you get back to your scheming.”

“Levi-.”

“I just thought I’d try it.”

“I will think about it,” he said as Levi went to leave. Levi turned and nodded once before he left.

The next couple of days were filled with an anxious anticipation; waiting around for an answer was something that usually infuriated Levi, his patience was always running thin. He thought showing that fury would not ameliorate Erwin’s answer, it would likely make it a firm no. This would only irritate Levi further because he couldn’t see anyone else as a plausible suitor.

But this did mean there was a possibility that it might happen. Sure, Erwin hadn’t immediately answered with a yes, but he was thinking it through. This meant there was plausibility. Maybe it was minimal, but it was there.

He did his best not to think about what his life would become if they were to get married. What was the point until he had a definite answer anyway? It was ridiculous to speculate what it would be like, how much his life would change. Marriages were an enormous commitment, and Levi didn’t care to even imagine what his life would become if Erwin, on a sliver of a chance, said yes.

The few times they saw each other, Erwin didn’t make direct eye contact unless he was perusing the room. Only then would he offer a small smile, and Levi would look away. He hated the idea that it would be awkward between them because of this. If it didn’t work out, Levi still wanted Erwin around because he did value their friendship. He wouldn’t want that compromised because Levi wanted to take advantage of certain opportunities.

There was another meeting called, one of the many Erwin held because he liked everyone to be informed. Levi hated meetings, but it was something he was required to attend, so he went along, wondering when Erwin might give his answer.

As per usual, the meeting involved a lot of Erwin being clever and using new techniques. Levi was often impressed by him, but he didn’t want his ego to swell, so he didn’t tell him that. Instead, he just got on with the jobs Erwin gave him, and that was that.

He dismissed everyone after the lengthy meeting, but not before he asked, “Would you stay for a moment, Levi.” Only when the room was emptied did Erwin say, “I hope my waiting hasn’t irked you.”

Levi shrugged. Levi had been irked, but not necessarily because he was waiting for Erwin. What irked him more was the idea that he could be doing something, enacting a plan, and he had to wait before he could do that. Sure, that was technically Erwin’s fault, but it was the situation at hand that was more problematic. Of course Erwin needed time to think it through, Levi couldn’t fault him for that. It was just that Levi had made his decision, and now he had to wait before he could act on it.

“I am still undecided,” Erwin said, shuffling papers on his desk before he looked at Levi with those ridiculously blue eyes. Levi had never had a soft spot for anything, but he might understand if people threw themselves at him. Those eyes were stupidly blue. “But I thought I’d give you something.”

“Give me something,” Levi repeated for it really could be anything.

Erwin nodded. Levi watched as he leaned over to some drawer and pulled something out. Placing it on the desk, Levi saw it was a heavy document, which almost made him roll his eyes. Here Levi was, suggesting they do something pretty illegal, and Erwin was bringing out the paperwork. Of course he was.

Erwin pushed the document across the desk towards Levi, but Levi remained standing where he was, a few steps away, arms tight across his chest.

He didn’t exactly have trouble with reading, but he also never had exact ease with it either. These papers, that would probably take Erwin a couple of hours, they would take Levi two days, at least.

He wondered what it was he was being given.

“After your proposal,” Erwin began with a short smile, “I rooted around for these papers. They’re the documents you sign when you marry. I thought, instead of a conversation with Hanji, you should read these before you make your decision.”

Levi nodded once, and took a step forward.

Erwin said, “It’s very boring, I promise you. But it’s better if you have all the information.”

Levi nodded again.

He stepped forward and claimed the papers. They were heavier than they looked. He didn’t roll his eyes, but he was fighting the urge. Reading wasn’t a pastime he enjoyed. Official papers were even worse than fiction.

“I’ll leave you to read,” Erwin said.

“And then?”

“I cannot say.”

Levi nodded, and left.

They were hefty and dull, but Levi knew that had to be the case. These were legal papers, official documents, there was no way they could ever be interesting.

There was some general bullshit about the legality and longevity of marriages, and how, should one be discovered as fraudulent, there were severe punishments that would follow, including but not limited to fines and imprisonment. Then it led onto the perks, of which there were more than he had expected.

It read:

_The benefits that are submitted to those who are married when one or both are working members of the Survey Corps are as follows:_

  * _When a spouse expires, a percentage of their pay is afforded to the widow or widower, increasing depending on how long the couple has been married. This pay occurs annually and stops only when the widow or widower remarries or expires themselves._
  * _Per year of marriage, there is a three percent increase in wage for both spouses._
  * _There is an increase of five paid days of holiday per year for both spouses._
  * _When attempting to purchase or rent in the Capital or in any of the Interior, the couple are afforded leniency on pay, and being behind on payments will not result in early termination of contracts;_
    * _If one of the spouses expires before final payments are made on any property, further leniency is applied. Depending on the property, all further payments may be cancelled, allowing the widow or widower to immediately own the property._
  * _Both spouses are automatically insured against accidental injury where the victim cannot be found to be at fault._
  * _Following the marriage, an immediate paid week may be taken to allow the newlywedded couple to adjust to their new circumstances._
  * _Upon pregnancy, both spouses may take maternity and/or paternity leave;_
    * _The pay depends on the length of the marriage and how many children have previously been had._
  * _Upon childbirth or adoption, both spouses may take maternity and/or paternity leave;_
    * _The pay depends on the length of the marriage and how many children have previously been had._
  * _During funded trips to the Interior, the spouses are given a boarder house, fully furnished, in which they will remain during their trip;_
    * _This occurs only if the couple do not already own property within the Interior._
  * _Upon retiring, both spouses are afforded a percentage of their pay until expiry;_
    * _The percentage depends on how long the couple have been married and on how many years they have worked for the Survey Corps._
  * _Sickness pay is covered the same as any other working member of the Survey Corps, married or not._
    * _If both spouses are taken ill, upon request, there may be an increase in sickness pay depending on how many years they have worked for the Survey Corps and how long the leave is foreseen to be maintained._



It was not what he had been expecting, and it made him realise how few perks there were for the people who were unmarried in the Corps. It was odd to read all these perks and to see so few marriages. Maybe because it was so dangerous, so few people, like Erwin, would want to get married because they thought making someone a widow or widower was so feasible. But it just seemed odd to not take advantage of it.

Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that, if the relationship was found to be fraudulent, there were firm and strict punishments that could include prison and exile. That was quite intense, and maybe not as many people had the guts to ignore the law like he did. Some people had trouble lying. Levi did not.

He hoped Erwin didn’t as well. Well, he knew he didn’t, he had lied to Levi, and Levi had joined the Corps for him. Levi just wondered, now, if Erwin would be able to lie like this, for life.

It was another week later before anything else happened. They went on a small expedition where the goal was to scout and do nothing more. Levi was quite bored, but it meant no casualties, and that wasn’t something the Corps could often say occurred. It had pleased Erwin as well, which was always good. Whilst more infuriating when things had gone well, a happier Erwin made the atmosphere much easier.

There had been another meeting, and Levi had been hoping Erwin might ask him to remain so they could talk about it, but he hadn’t. The longer that passed, the more Levi felt like he was going to say no. Part of Levi wondered if Erwin was waiting for him to come the office after having read the documents but, even if he hadn’t had the documents, the answer would be the same. He wanted to do this for the perks, the documents merely confirmed how beneficial the perks would be, and Erwin should know that if he knew Levi at all, which he certainly did.

A day later, a young recruit found Levi in the mess hall, ignoring Hanji as they ate like a pig, and Levi was told to go to Erwin’s office. He was both glad to be away from Hanji, but also nervous because this meant an answer was coming, and Levi didn’t know if he was going to like the answer.

He didn’t knock when he entered because that just wasn’t who he was, and he found Erwin waiting inside, not turning when he heard the door open. He was standing at the window with his hands folded behind his back. Levi shut the door behind him and stepped further into the room.

“I have been thinking,” Erwin began after a beat passed, turning from where he was standing at the window, framed by the setting sun.

“That’s a dangerous act,” Levi said, coming further into the room, comfortable with it. He sat on the edge of the enormous desk and aligned his stationary into lines as he waited.

Erwin smiled, turning back to the window. “If you are content with the papers, that is?”

“Content?”

“Have you read them?” Erwin clarified.

“Yeah.”

“And there is nothing that concerns you?”

“Should there be?”

“The legality, perhaps,” Erwin suggested as he turned back to look at Levi, his olive tone glimmering from the orange glow of the aging sun.

“If you think I have issues with illegal shit, you clearly don’t remember where I came from or why you were sent to get me in the first place.” Levi watched Erwin nod. “Do you have an issue with it?”

“With performing illegal acts,” Erwin began. He shrugged. “Not particularly. Though I do care to avoid them.”

“So you won’t, then?”

Erwin smiled. “I didn’t say that.”

Levi waited for an official answer. He wasn’t about to be pleased if Erwin was just toying with him.

“I believe I will say yes to your proposal,” Erwin said.

Where Levi was sure this sort of thing was meant to be followed by joyous glee and kissing, Levi merely nodded. Erwin nodded also.

“I don’t think we can tell anyone,” Erwin said. “My only concern is that you were talking with Hanji about it a short while ago, and they may see the coincidence.”

Levi had considered that possibility, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to work around it. Hanji was clever, and Levi thought they probably could tell them that this wasn’t a real marriage. He trusted Hanji, but the fewest people knowing the truth was probably safest.

“I think we can angle it as though Hanji hurried our decision along,” Erwin continued. “As though we have been together, and Hanji highlighted those perks for those who are married, and we decided to get married earlier than we previously might have.”

Levi liked this both because it made some sense, and because Erwin was already thinking through rectifying the problems, ironing out the creases. It meant Erwin was invested, that he wanted it to work.

“Are we really planning a wedding, then?” Levi asked.

“It will have to be officially done,” Erwin said, thinking out loud. “Otherwise it will be seen through in an instant.”

“And then we’ll be hanged,” Levi joked, but he was sure there was some truth in that. “Are we sending out invitations?” Levi asked, humourless. “Save people a seat near the altar?”

Erwin smiled that quiet smile of his, his rare, sweet smile. “We should probably announce it, at least.”

“What, no rings?” Levi joked.

“Actually,” Erwin said, and he went towards his desk, Levi unsure of just what to expect when it came to Erwin Smith. He leaned over a drawer and rooted around for a moment before he pulled out a blue ring box. Once he had closed the drawer, he pushed the box towards Levi, who took it gingerly.

Upon opening it, he found two, simplistic, golden bands, one smaller than the other. How Erwin knew his ring size, he didn’t know. He didn’t want to get fingerprints on them, so he merely closed the box and nodded.

He put the box back on the desk, and looked at Erwin.

“I went to the Capital a few days ago, as I think you know,” Erwin explained.

“I didn’t realise it was a wedding trip,” Levi joked.

Erwin picked up the box and held it in his hand for a moment. “I was thinking, we should announce it soon.”

“Why?”

“Because Mike has seen the box and wanted to know about it.”

“What did you say?”

“I was discreet, but still… For the best.” Erwin put the box away. “A formal announcement isn’t either of our ways, so perhaps we will both just let it slip into a conversation this week.”

“You’ve been scheming again.”

Erwin merely smiled.

They spent a short while together, scheming dates and ways to make it seem like it was plausible they had been seeing each other for a while. The latter wasn’t actually that difficult because people often commented that they were already close. Levi sometimes brought Erwin his food, they sometimes ate together in the office, and Levi did walk freely into Erwin’s office. Of course, Levi didn’t think it would run as smoothly as they were planning, but if it did work, they would be able to take advantage of a whole lot of perks, and Levi looked forward to that immensely.


	2. Chapter Two

Peppering into conversations that they were together and were going to be getting married next month was a lot more complicated than it initially sounded. Erwin brought up the fact that if they both just started doing it out of the blue, it would be suspicious. They really had to be careful and not cause suspicion because that meant people might mention something to the authorities, and if they went to jail for this, particularly given all the illegal shit Levi _should_ have gone to jail for, it would infuriate him.

But Levi managed it. He let it slip during lunch with Hanji, mentioning very casually that he and Erwin were together. He acted entirely naturally, and Hanji’s reaction was entirely surprised, but not disbelieving, which boded well.

“Did you do anything exciting last night?” Hanji asked. “I was going over some previous experiment notes with Moblit, and I cannot wait to tell Erwin everything.”

Seeing this as the only opportunity he was going to get, he said, “Erwin proposed.”

Hanji’s hand stopped halfway to their mouth, spoon in hand. Their eyes grew wide, and then they blinked furiously. Levi waited, unbothered. Even if this engagement had been a concrete, real thing, he would behave in the same manner because it wasn’t in his nature to act any other way.

“He… proposed?” Hanji repeated.

Levi nodded and scooped up the rest of his broth, though it had long gone cold. Their mush tasted better when it was hot, but not that much better. Levi had yet to finish it, but he refused to leave food on his plate.

“As in… a marriage proposal?” Hanji asked.

Levi nodded again.

Hanji was quiet for a minute, which was a miracle because silence was not something anyone could often find themselves in when in Hanji’s presence. He just waited, wondering what Hanji would think. Once Hanji knew, Levi was sure it would start to spread, and the two of them just had to pretend this was fine, that they were reserved about it but not that they had been purposefully hiding it. They were quiet people, this was incredibly personal, so they could get away with it because they were private. They would keep peppering it in so it felt natural, but Levi knew once it was out, it was going to spread, quickly, even into the Interior.

“So, you and Erwin are now engaged?” Hanji asked.

“Yes,” Levi answered.

“You’ve been… together?”

“Yes,” Levi repeated.

Hanji’s eyes grew wider somehow, always a little freakish given the way their glasses enlarged them. “I had no idea.”

“We’re… private.”

“You’re telling me,” Hanji said but they were smiling brightly. “Well, congratulations.” They reached over and slapped Levi on the shoulder. “I bet you two even wanted to keep the marriage a secret.”

“Not a secret,” Levi corrected because he didn’t want that to be the image of their marriage and engagement. “But witnesses are required at the ceremony.”

“Of course.” Hanji snorted. “Well, I want all the details. Come on, let’s go.”

Levi went into a condensed version of the story for two reasons; he didn’t want to slip up and say something that made it seem like a great lie, and he wanted to continue this notion that they were private people. If he gave away too many details, that privacy would start to disappear.

He said that they had simply been having dinner last night and that Erwin had brought out the rings he had purchased on his last trip to the Interior, and asked Levi the question. It was as close to the truth as either of them could ever make it, and it included facts; Erwin had bought the rings on his last trip to the Interior, Levi and Erwin had been having dinner last night, though that was to plan mainly, and it had been a simple question and answer. Hanji was engrossed in the small tale, and Levi thought that boded well.

Hanji did ask for some more details regarding their relationship and its inception, but Levi answered dismissively. They were quiet and private, and that was the image they wanted to continuously project. Levi had said they had been seeing each other for a few months and that marriage just felt right. Some people took longer, but Hanji believed this suited Levi and Erwin.

He retreated to Erwin that night. They wanted to project this idea that they always retreated to each other, although they hadn’t really done that before. Levi did go to Erwin’s office a lot because he was much easier to deal with, quieter and pleasant, but that hadn’t been something either made public. Now, Levi was trying to be more obvious. People needed to see this so their relationship felt more real.

Erwin told him that he had mentioned it to Mike, and that slowly, it would begin to spread. They would mention it casually from now on, but they both knew everyone would be aware of their relationship soon because the Corps could be gossipy. What they needed now was for the Interior to know, and Erwin had his plan for that, obviously. He had a plan for everything.

“I need to venture into the Interior next week anyway,” Erwin explained as they ate dinner together, Levi bringing Erwin his meal. He had done that before a couple of times, but now he knew what it looked like, and he needed to take advantage of that. “So, I’ll get a suit as well. I was thinking of taking you, but I don’t think you’d like that.”

Levi shook his head. He loathed the Interior, and it was quite sweet that Erwin was aware of that. Maybe this marriage thing would work out after all. Levi was still trying to be realistic, and he thought something might come at them that could break it apart, ripping it from the seams and exposing them. There was a chance, but they had to be realistic because this was illegal, and it was a lie they were going to have to maintain for their entire lives. There were too many ways to consider how it might go wrong, but there was a still a chance.

“But I think it will be beneficial if I get you a suit as well. People might ask about it, word will spread, and everything will come together. We will need someone to initiate the ceremony, so I will make the arrangements when I’m there as well.”

Levi nodded. They had to get married in the Interior, particularly if they wanted it to be official, but they were still going to be discreet. There would be no grand procession, no horse and carriage carrying them through the city. They, and those they invited, would all travel together, they would go to the church Erwin was going to decide upon, they would get married, and then they had to celebrate in the Interior as well. It would not be an extravagant event, but they would have to have something because that was the tradition. Whilst not traditional people, they had to abide by tradition to attain all the perks, to appease those who would give them the perks. Parties, it seemed, were the way to do that. That was what Erwin had told him, anyway, and Levi did trust Erwin implicitly.

The next month was filled with planning. Even though it was a fake engagement, wedding, and marriage, it still took a lot of work, more than Levi had anticipated. Although not everyone was invited, there was still quite a few they had to inform of the date. Not a lot of weddings occurred in the Corps, so Erwin thought inviting a fair few members would allow for a pleasant day out. They still wanted to keep themselves private, so they were making it as small as possible.

Erwin managed to get the church booked, though neither of them were entirely religious. Unfortunately for them, weddings were an innately religious concept, so they had little choice in the matter. On top of the church, Erwin also purchased their suits, and it fit Levi pretty well once he tried it on. Erwin also mentioned that, once he had told people in the Interior, there was some shock, but no one disbelieved it. Even Nile believed him, and although Levi couldn’t give less of a shit about Nile and anything he thought, it was a positive step that one of Erwin’s oldest friends also believed what was happening.

People asked constant questions, but no one claimed they were frauds. They truly were the types of people to keep a relationship like this private, and everyone was aware of that.

A few days before the day of their wedding, where they planned to travel in the morning and come back in the evening as they didn’t want to stay overnight, Levi and Erwin were together again. They were constantly putting their heads together and spending time with the other, mainly to highlight that their relationship was real, but also because they had to plan, talk of nuances and learn more about each other. They had to pretend they did know each other more intimately, and the best way to do that was to spend time together.

Quietly, in the back of his mind, Levi was aware that people now thought they were fucking, and that, when they retired to each other’s presence, people’s minds might go to a place where they thought the Commander and Levi were naked and rutting. Levi couldn’t really get that out of his head. Not the fucking thing, he decidedly didn’t think about him and Erwin fucking because that was a strange thought, but he couldn’t shake the idea that people were conjuring that image. He couldn’t do anything about it, and maybe it was for the best if people thought they were sexually compatible. Levi just wasn’t quite sure how to contemplate how this was now the position he was in.

“So, I will clear some space in here for when you move in,” Erwin said as they ate their dinner. “It is not currently intended for two people.”

“And it’s dusty as fuck.”

Erwin laughed through his nose.

Levi let the silence sit for a moment. “Do you think this is ridiculous?”

“Yes.” He was still smiling, however, which was reassuring.

“We’ll have to kiss,” Levi acknowledged.

“Just once,” Erwin assured him.

Levi wasn’t someone who cared for public affection, and he wasn’t sure what exactly it was going to feel like to be publicly affectionate with someone for whom he had no romantic feelings. Platonic, sure, he liked Erwin, but he wasn’t in love with him. And now he was going to kiss him in front of a crowd after publicly announcing that he was in love with him. It was going to be surreal. Erwin better be a good kisser.

They didn’t sleep in the same room, not yet anyway. Levi liked his own space, he did not care to share with others, but no one seemed to notice. He had his own room, and he could sneak away when it was dark enough and no one else would be about to see him. He only had a couple more days left of sleeping alone before his room would be stripped. They gave the excuse that Levi had that room to keep their relationship discreet, but that no longer needed to be the case. Levi intended to take advantage of his last remaining bout of privacy.

On the morning of the wedding, they woke early so the ceremony could happen at noon. This was earlier than most ceremonies, but Erwin and Levi were efficient people, and that’s merely the impression they were giving people.

Even though they were both feeling calm about the situation, level-headed and relaxed, they were forced into different carriages after being “forced” to sleep in separate rooms the night before. Levi didn’t believe in traditions, particularly religious ones, but apparently their colleagues did. Levi didn’t mind as he didn’t have to pretend he was invested in Erwin as a romantic companion if they were separated, and being able to sleep alone for one last night was preferable. He would miss it.

His coach was held up because Hanji was late, eventually running frantically from Headquarters and clambering inside. They immediately started jabbering to Moblit who always had to suffer through Hanji’s conversations, but at least it wasn’t only about marriage and weddings. Some of the conversation was directed that way, but Levi navigated it as best as he could.

He wasn’t yet dressed in his suit, he had it laid out neatly beside him. Even if this was a fake ceremony, Levi would be caught dead wearing something that was creased. He wasn’t bothered about his image, he just hated creases, especially in formal wear. Hanji was already wearing their suit and Levi could see that, from the way they were sitting, which was frantic and haphazard, creases were forming as they travelled. He had to do his best to ignore that, which was difficult given they were in the small confines of a carriage and Hanji was right there.

When they finally arrived, they all hopped out, Levi’s coach arriving near the end of the procession. Hanji immediately stole Levi away to make sure Erwin did not see him. These traditions were peculiar and redundant, Levi found, and he hadn’t been entirely sure why Hanji was so set on abiding by them. It was likely because there were so few marriages in the Corps. It had to be exciting for other people, to have these traditions to enact when they weren’t something they often got to see. Levi would abide by these traditions for the sake of his colleagues, but he really didn’t believe any of them had to be upheld. The things they would prevent, the bad luck they were meant to incur, it didn’t really matter to either Erwin or Levi, their marriage wasn’t real and was only going to be binding for the sake of those around them and to get the perks.

Levi had never been to a wedding before, but he knew they came in different varieties and often depended on the couple’s popularity. Erwin was popular amongst some folk, though thought insane by some others. He was still personable though and he could get almost anyone on his side. It was because of him that there were a fair few people coming to watch the ceremony. Levi only had those in the Corps and, even then, they would be there anyway because of Erwin. Levi really didn’t have anyone.

It was strange that he almost wished Farlan and Isabel were here. He would have told them it was fake, of course, and he might have even considered one of them to marry, but Isabel was an idiot and Farlan probably wouldn’t want to limit himself by marrying just one person. He likely wouldn’t have chosen either of them, ended up on Erwin no matter what, but he still would have considered them.

And he would have liked them here. Not purely because they would be the only guests that were truly his own; it was also because he missed them. Levi wouldn’t marry anyone else, and whilst this wasn’t a happy, romantic affair, he still would have liked them here, watching him, engaging in this alongside him. They would be a part of this, he would have shared his perks with them where he could.

But that wasn’t going to happen, and he tried not to get upset before the ceremony began. Maybe he could pass it off for emotion at being married, but he wasn’t sure anyone would believe that. Instead, he steeled himself and tried to forget the ghosts of his friends always haunting him.

It was another hour before the ceremony began, everyone having filed in. Levi wasn’t nervous, he would be glad when the ceremony was over. He did not doubt that there would be complexities involved with pretending to be in love and married for the rest of their lives, but they would get used to it. As they intended to remain private, they would never have to be affectionate in public. In fact, even if they were in love, he doubted he could be affectionate even in private, so it really might just work.

They both stepped out at a similar time, neither wanting to walk down the aisle because they simply refused that tradition. They walked together, not with jittery hands or a palpable heart, just walking until they reached the altar. All eyes were on them, and Levi rather hated it, but what could he do?

The ceremony was simple, relatively sweet, but Levi felt no connection to it; the vows were generic, the words dedicated by the priest were the ones gifted by some higher power, apparently, but it was all very straightforward and uncomplicated.

The first peculiar part was the rings. Levi had never fathomed owning a wedding ring of his own. The vows sat strangely on his tongue, but they were over quickly and could easily be forgotten, but the rings, they were there forever. He had to hold Erwin’s hand in his own, and he couldn’t even bring himself to look Erwin in the eye as he repeated the words about having Erwin forever, loving him and being with him until they parted from this world. He simply let those words fall from his lips and kept his attention completely on the physical task. He slipped the ring, perfectly sized, onto Erwin’s finger and tried not to linger on the physical weight of Erwin’s hand in his own.

It was even odder to have Erwin do the same for him. To hear him saying these words, about cherishing their relationship, keeping Levi in his heart even when they were apart, it made Levi’s entire body feel peculiar, like it didn’t truly fit him. Even if they were in love, he would still find these words strange. They were so public and affectionate and loving, and Levi couldn’t fathom how people willingly professed their love in public.

And then the ring was slipped onto his own finger. Erwin’s warm and calloused fingers slipped softly along Levi’s, and the weight of the golden band was foreign and peculiar. It was hard to ignore. He didn’t wear jewellery, and now there was this ring that wasn’t simply an accent to his person, it had this whole meaning attached to it; love, companionship, ownership. It was a declaration, public, wherever he went. The weight was not merely a physical one.

The priest finished with another closing statement about this binding relationship and the bond they now shared, and then they were told to kiss. This was the part that Levi had been dreading the most. When he had jokingly suggested they practise, it was obviously turned down but, now they were about to do it, he wished they had practised at least once.

Erwin leaned down and Levi leaned up because of the ridiculous difference in their height, and they pressed their lips together. It was so peculiar to be kissing Erwin Smith, a man he had once intended to kill, once come so close _to_ killing. He had dreamt of it; he had dreamt of smothering him, slicing him open, shoving him off a cliff, even a couple weeks after he had been inducted into the Corps. He had really wanted him dead.

And now not only were they kissing, but they were also married in a legally binding contract. Erwin was now his husband, and they were kissing, touching lips. What a fucking turn of events.

And Erwin wasn’t a bad kisser. It was only a short thing, a small peck, but Erwin’s lips were soft, slightly wet from where he had licked them. It lasted only a couple of seconds, but Levi wasn’t disgusted, he wasn’t even slightly perturbed. It was quite a nice kiss, actually.

There was then some light clapping, even a couple of cheers from the more raucous members of their group. Levi almost felt his cheeks begin to warm, but that was so not like him. That was really only happening because this was a fake display of affection and people were cheering and clapping for this fake relationship and this fake display. Levi had to still his fraught nerves and ultimate bemusement at the life he had just set up for himself.

They signed the document that they had both spent hours poring over so they knew exactly what was going to happen. Levi’s signature was unpractised, but they signed it, binding them further to this decision.

The gathering afterwards was the worst part; people were coming up to them, congratulating them, asking how they managed to keep it so private. Some asked if they were getting into it too soon, others asked how they managed such a relationship in their careers. Levi let Erwin do most of the talking, drinking the alcohol the government had offered for the wedding. There was also food that had been gifted, and people were in a joyous mood as getting away from Headquarters for those who were from the Corps was always a reason for celebration. Levi didn’t often drink, but he so needed it today.

As the gathering was funded officially by the government, it ended in the late afternoon, and everyone who didn’t have children to get back to or jobs the next day went to a bar. The sun slowly began to set, and Levi and Erwin sat at a table as their comrades drank themselves silly.

After an hour or so in, Levi leaned over to Erwin when they were left alone for a moment and asked, “Do you think we can get out early?”

Erwin, who had been nursing the same tankard since he had entered the bar, replied, “I think we can do. Do you want to?”

Levi nodded. As an unsocial creature naturally, all this socialising was draining him. He already had very little energy for life, and this was draining all the remaining energy he had. He needed to get away for fear he would start being sour and ruin the jovial mood. He didn’t want people’s memories of this day to be of Levi’s sour mood, and he didn’t want everyone to think Erwin had married a spoilsport, so getting away now would be for the best.

As they made their final rounds, telling everyone to continue enjoying the evening and night of celebrations, everyone got quite the wrong idea of why they were leaving early; they thought they were eager to get back to their room and fuck. Hanji nudged Levi and winked, Mike nodded slowly with a small smirk, Nile told them to enjoy themselves, someone from the crowd whistled as they exited. Levi really rather hated everyone in that moment. He would hate it enough if they actually were going back to fuck, but the fact they really weren’t, that irked him. His energy for life continued depleting, and it only started to replenish once they were standing outside in the fresh air.

The day had been more overwhelming than he had initially felt, and he was awash with all the decisions he had made and how this was going to impact his life. He was now married, to a man for whom he did not have romantic feelings. They were to keep up this lie for the rest of their lives or face imprisonment or maybe even something worse. Whilst they had considered a lot of these repercussions, Levi wondered if he had considered them enough.

He wasn’t regretting it, but it was going to take more work than they had primarily considered. Levi wondered if they would be able to keep it up. If it was absolutely disastrous, they might be able to divorce, but Levi was sure that would not be well accepted amongst the Corps.

They rode in the same carriage on the way back to Headquarters, the small compartment they were encased in deadly silent. Levi could hear Erwin breathing, but that was it. Neither wanted to speak, neither wanted to voice fresh concerns. Levi wondered if Erwin was regretting it. They were in this together, bound to it now, so he hoped Erwin wasn’t having doubts.

Levi was sure people back in the bar, maybe even the driver, was thinking they were getting up to things in the privacy of the carriage. The reality was that they were sitting almost as far apart as possible. They would usually be fine touching a little, brushing knees or arms, they were comfortable like that. But not right now, not with the implication and suggestion it would bring. Levi knew it wouldn’t last, that they would be fine in a few days, but for the moment, things were tense, and the opposite end of the carriage was a good place for him to be.

When they arrived at Headquarters, dusk having firmly set into the sky, the canvas dotted with the occasional twinkle, they walked through the quiet halls. People were either asleep or at the bar, not many others had returned, taking advantage of the day off they had been given.

Back in the office and then through to the bedroom, Levi’s heart sank. Not only did he now have to sleep with another person in the bed for the rest of his days, but the only bed in the room was sheened with white bedsheets and adorned with rose petals. This had been forced upon them because of their idiot colleagues and “friends”. The both of them stopped in the doorway.

“Hanji must have a key I don’t know about,” Erwin said as he shut the door behind them.

“Perhaps you should change the locks,” Levi said, coming into the room and loosening his tie. The ring still felt odd around his finger, but he was either just going to have to get used to it or find some other way to wear it. He did like the idea of wearing it on a chain around his neck, pretending he was keeping it near his heart, but he wasn’t sure. It did seem more like him, but he would decide another day. He wanted to sleep.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he looked around at this room he would be sleeping in now. He had seen it a couple of times, but never studied it.

It could be cleaner, Levi had decided that the second he had entered, but it wasn’t awful. It hadn’t been designed, initially, for a married couple, and Levi wondered if that had confused Hanji and everyone else. However, they had their reasons as to why they hadn’t shared a room before, so they would explain if ever asked. They would be moving things around now Levi was here, but it would do for the night with its simple bedside tables and singular wardrobe. At least the bed was big enough.

Levi turned to look over his shoulder at Erwin, who was undressing. All aspects of privacy were out of the window. They were married now, after all.

He didn’t watch but took off his own clothes. He could sleep in his undergarments as he hadn’t brought his clothes in here yet. He hoped Erwin was warm as the room was large and, whilst the fires were lit, the corners of the room were far. The room hadn’t been built economically; Levi wouldn’t have put the fireplace where it was at all, but there was nothing to be done about it now.

As he took his clothes to the wardrobe, he noticed Erwin had changed into his sleepwear. The wardrobe itself was a mess inside, but a space had been reserved for Levi’s suit. It was sweet, in a way, but it would need a lot more reorganising.

Levi hung it up himself, not entrusting the job to Erwin.

“You can’t hang up for shit,” Levi scolded, thumbing through Erwin’s clothes. It was all creased. He tutted.

Erwin was walking through to the bathroom and spoke over his shoulder as he said, “Nagging already.”

“Well, not without cause.” Levi shut the doors to the wardrobe and followed him to ready for bed. He leaned on the doorway and watched Erwin wash his face and brush his teeth. “They better not check the sheets for signs of fucking.”

Erwin huffed out a laugh. “I can’t imagine they will.”

“They’d be sorely disappointed.”

He laughed again. “They would.”

Once they were about to get into bed, Erwin wiped the rose petals onto the floor, but Levi knelt and collected them, putting them neatly out of the way because he wasn’t a damn savage. Levi didn’t often sleep in the same bed as someone else; if he was fucking some guy, he left once they were asleep. He couldn’t do that here. Well, he could, but people might start to wonder at the strength of their relationship if he was caught, sneaking away to some other room to sleep.

Erwin better not snore or fidget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say last time that there will be chapter updates every Sunday! x


	3. Chapter Three

Adjusting to living with someone else was not a facile task. Levi had lived with Isabel and Farlan, and he had learnt to get used to their habits, but they had had their own rooms. It was only their communal areas where things were different, where he had to be used to what they were doing and the way they lived.

To share a room, a place where he had to sleep, that was entirely new to him. He had had lovers before, sometimes lovers who were regular, but they never shared a room. Even if they were regular, Levi would rarely sleep over somewhere else because it fucked with his insomnia and because he didn’t like sharing his space. He had enjoyed sharing his space, eventually, with Farlan and Isabel because he had grown to love them, but he did not know how it was going to work with Erwin. He doubted it would look good to retreat to a separate room every night.

With their week off to adjust to this new lifestyle, Levi did what he could to merge his life with his new husband’s. There were immediate differences; cleanliness was the biggest, though that was always a major difference between Levi and everyone else anyway. Erwin was not all that cleanly, not in a dirty way, but there was little order to both their bedroom and the office. It made Levi itch, he wanted to get it organised, but he wondered how long he would have to wait before Erwin would allow that.

The other differences were their sleeping patterns; Levi, whilst having insomnia, did get into bed early, whilst Erwin stayed up late, working and scheming away. Then, Levi was up early, sometimes with the sunrise, and Erwin got up later, back at his desk or giving speeches the way he always was. It wasn’t awful, but if Levi did manage to get to sleep, Erwin would wake him when he climbed into bed.

Which was another aspect that took a lot of time to get used to. He did not sleep in beds with others, it irked his insomnia and made sleep a difficult thing to come by, which was already a treacherous time for him. Even though Erwin slept quite solidly and peacefully, Levi was constantly aware that someone was beside him. All the years he had had in Underground had trained him to be constantly aware of his surroundings, and nights were a dangerous thing, the best time for evils to creep into the home. Now, his nights were meant to be safe because he had a husband to sleep beside, but Levi could not be comfortable because he was not used to it. Erwin didn’t even move in his sleep, but Levi was too aware of him, of his breathing, of his mere presence. He wondered how long it would take to grow accustomed to it.

The other differences were more minimal, but they were still present. For example, Erwin liked to go on afternoon walks so he wasn’t sat down all day, and returning to the office and Erwin not being at the desk was jarring. Levi didn’t know how he managed to walk around so secretively, but he had never seen him go on these walks before. They also only happened when Erwin could pry himself away from the desk which, as Levi soon discovered when they were back at work, was not all that often.

Another example was that Erwin liked to read and Levi could think of nothing worse. When Erwin didn’t have work, which wasn’t exactly often, he would pick up a book and read. Erwin read a lot on their week off, and Levi would clean their room in the meantime. That was one of their differences that merged a little better.

In fact, there wasn’t really anything that didn’t work; Levi could clean as Erwin was at his desk; if Levi went out to train or spar, Erwin would stay behind to do his own scheming; they ate at a similar time, though that often occurred because Levi brought Erwin his meals. Levi had been doing that a little even before they were married, and it felt more natural now to eat together.

Their week off went by fine, though it was odd to be free of all their responsibilities. Erwin sat down reading and Levi could clean to his heart’s content, but he was used to responsibilities, to having something more productive to do. He would never complain about the opportunity to clean, but it didn’t feel the same as having work to do.

He also did not care for the fact everyone thought he and Erwin were fucking constantly. For a lot of couples, their week off after marriage probably was meant for fucking, but that was certainly not the case for Erwin and Levi. Whenever he went to gather their meals for lunch or dinner, sometimes breakfast, people would make jokes, raise their eyebrows, smirk. Even if Levi and Erwin were fucking, he would be bothered, but he was particularly bothered because they weren’t, not even slightly.

It was why he kept mainly to Erwin’s office, though he was sure that only fuelled the rumours. At least he didn’t have to see anyone.

During their week off, Erwin went on one of these walks every day, but Levi didn’t accompany him because he hadn’t realised they were a thing until the end of the week when he caught Erwin returning. Walks weren’t Levi’s thing, but he hadn’t really had the chance to just take walks before. He wondered if he should join Erwin on his next one, but didn’t think to ask.

Once they started working again, things changed and became more like a routine, which was better in some ways. Having something to do and not just milling around meant it was easier to mould into each other’s lives. Levi would get up to train as Erwin got settled with his scheming, and then Levi would return in the evening with both their meals, after Erwin had taken his walk if he managed to get out in the first place. Levi might clean as Erwin wrote letters or read, sometimes for work, sometimes for leisure, and then Levi would go to bed first, Erwin following a couple hours later.

Levi did like routine, and having this routine was good, even if it did mean sharing it. Erwin could be difficult to get along with, but he wasn’t difficult to merge with. Levi thought they had both made the correct decision, married the right person for this to work. Levi couldn’t imagine merging his life with anyone but Erwin, he was sure everyone else would infuriate him.

He knew Erwin might get on his nerves, as he knew he might get on Erwin’s nerves. But he knew that, majority of the time, they would manage. Time would tell if they could manage forever, for the length of their lives but, for now, it was working.

There were still hiccoughs; showering was odd, seeing the other half-naked or changing was jarring. Erwin was still the Commander and it was going to take some adjustment, seeing Erwin’s bare chest or thighs. Some routines occasionally got in the other’s way, and Erwin didn’t always remember where Levi had moved things, so he left books out of place or didn’t tuck his chair in at night. They had to be seen as a cohesive unit, however, as if they had been working out their routines for the length they had been dating, and so they worked hard to make that seem plausible.

A couple of weeks into their new venture as a married couple, Levi came into the office to see Erwin standing and pulling his jacket on, clearly preparing to take a late afternoon stroll. He smiled at Levi when he entered. He had always entered the office without knocking, but now he was entering more often, and they were growing more accustomed to each other’s presence.

“Going out?” Levi asked as he came into the room. He had been training, sparring outside, and he was quite ready to relax and get food once it was being served.

Erwin nodded and then paused. He asked, “Would you like to come with me?”

“On your walk?”

Erwin nodded again.

Thinking it might be good for them to be seen together in such a way, and also wondering if these walks might be healing, Levi agreed. He washed his face of its sweat and then joined Erwin as they left the building and went for a walk outside.

They took a route that Levi hadn’t been down before, and he followed Erwin’s lead. They went through buildings and a couple of alleys before they emerged into a green area. It was pleasant, quite quiet, there were a few groups of children, running around and chasing each other, squealing. Levi saw a few couples, walking hand in hand and talking sweetly to each other. The late afternoon sun basked everything in its sepia glow, the air warm but not stifling, the sweet breeze whispering through the trees and lightly ruffling Levi’s hair.

Levi had always loved open spaces; as someone who had grown up in a place that was as enclosed as it could get, open spaces, greenery, they were a thing Levi had almost craved when he had been younger.

Sure, this open space was still tainted by walls and buildings, enclosed more than Levi thought greenery should be, but after having not seen this for most of his life, seeing all the grass and the trees that swayed with the breeze, it was calming. Perhaps he understood why Erwin took these walks. Maybe it was good to soothe the mind of its constant stresses.

He continued to follow Erwin as they walked, Erwin taking a path it seemed he had taken often. It was scenic and pleasant. The solitude was easy, and maybe that was because it wasn’t true solitude, maybe it was because he had quiet and calm company. He couldn’t say for sure, but it seemed like this sort of thing might be refreshing, and he could understand, if that was what Erwin needed, why he claimed these walks when he could.

They passed a couple, younger than they were, arms linked, and talking quietly to each other. They didn’t even acknowledge that they had passed other people. Levi wondered what a love like that might be like.

Apparently, Erwin was thinking the same thing as he mentioned, “It has been a long time since I walked arm in arm with someone.”

“You’ve walked arm in arm with someone?” Levi asked. He had never done that and he never thought he would. It did not seem like something Levi would do, and he did not want to either. Casual intimacy, particularly in public, that was not Levi’s thing.

“I have.”

“Have you… been in love?” Levi asked. Love was an odd concept for him; he was sure it existed. In terms of familial, he knew he had had his mother’s love, and he had loved Farlan and Isabel. But romantic love, that wasn’t something he was entirely sure about. He had never felt it, rarely even felt lust though he did enjoy sex.

And then he had a sudden realisation that he might not ever have sex again. He did enjoy sex, and he would rather have some more of it before he died, but he wasn’t sure how that was going to work. How could he have sex with someone else whilst he was in a committed relationship, a committed _marriage_? He was sure he could cope without sex, but still, it seemed an unfortunate blip that he hadn’t considered before marrying Erwin.

But back to love, well, that was another thing completely. Levi had never expected to encounter romantic love, never particularly wanted to either, but he wondered what it might be like, to feel that, to be overwhelmed with love and adoration, with a desperate need to protect those you adored. He had known that with Farlan and Isabel, but he had not wanted to make out with them afterwards.

“Yes. Once. When I was younger…” Erwin said.

“Really?”

Erwin nodded. “Her name was Marie. But it was a while ago now.”

“Why didn’t you… continue loving her?” Levi asked, not entirely sure what the right terminology was.

“A multitude of reasons,” Erwin answered. “Nothing serious.” 

“But you’ve been with others?”

”Yes, a few. But not for love.”

Erwin paused as they continued along the path that looped around the greenery through some sparse trees. It was serene, and Levi hoped he wasn’t intruding on Erwin’s quietude.

Erwin asked, “Have you?”

“Been in love?” Levi clarified.

Erwin nodded.

“Fuck, no,” Levi answered. He snorted, but not because Erwin was a fool to think he could love anyone, but because Levi couldn’t even pretend that he might have been or could ever be in love. It was a ridiculous concept. “It’s not really… me.”

“Love?”

“Yes.” Levi swallowed and tried not to snort again.

“And you haven’t had relationships?”

Levi wondered what counted as relationships; he had had sex with the same guy a few times, he had had sex with a few guys more than once, but he didn’t think there was any substance there. He was sure substance was where the relationship came in; meaningful conversations, enjoying each other’s company when you weren’t naked, thinking of the other throughout the entire day, being with them and not feeling as though you had to be switched on, that time spent together could be quiet and contemplative, being with them made your soul feel quiet and made life easier.

He had had none of that.

“No, I have not,” he answered.

“You just jumped straight into marriage, huh?” Erwin asked, and Levi glanced at him to see his smile. He had a nice smile, Levi thought, encouraging, ever-warm.

“It would seem that way.”

“Brave.”

“Well,” Levi began as they started amongst a small covering of trees, “perhaps if it was, you know…”

“More real?” Erwin finished.

“Yes. If it was more of that, then maybe it would be more shocking to my system, but I think I’ll manage.”

Erwin laughed through his nose and they continued their walk, Erwin leading and Levi following.

When they returned, Levi fetched them their meals so Erwin could get back to work, and then they ate in companioned silence, Erwin reading and writing, and Levi thinking about the aches that were settling into his system from the sparring earlier. A hot shower would be pleasant before bed, he decided.

“Would you like me to read you the awful things I have to send to the Interior?” Erwin asked as he signed what he had been writing.

“Sure,” Levi said, nothing else to do. He gathered their trays and stood in front of the desk as Erwin read.

It was rather awful, Levi thought. He couldn’t imagine what it was like having to kiss up to those who had more power, and Erwin had to do just that. There were certain phrases Erwin used that subtly ridiculed those to whom it was addressed, but he had to be careful because, should they pick up on that sarcasm, Erwin might be ruined. It must be draining to write these letters. It was clear Erwin was passionate about his career, about saving the world and everyone in it, and it must be so disheartening to be forced to go through others who were less passionate to get things done.

His writing was eloquent and delicately witty, intelligent because Erwin was an intelligent man. Levi could not fathom himself as being a Commander, he was nowhere near cut out for it like Erwin.

Moments like those grew in frequency as they continued their days in marriage; Levi would accompany him on his walks, Erwin would read aloud to him, they would share quiet moments together, just existing. It was… almost easy.

It was odd to be addressed as Mr. Ackerman-Smith, and he could see Erwin struggle with it as well. For it to be so cemented, for everyone to just address them that way and acknowledge, always, that they were a married couple, that they were joined together and bonded for life, well, that was odd. For it to be said aloud, Levi wasn’t sure when he would ever be prepared for that. With time, he might grow accustomed to it for everything just took time, but it was jarring whenever he heard the phrase. He didn’t feel like an Ackerman-Smith, and he highly doubted he ever would.


	4. Chapter Four

The duties as the husband of the Commander weren’t really all that taxing, though Levi hadn’t expected them to be. Bringing him food wasn’t his duty, but he did that as a friend. Sitting with him as they ate, as he worked, that wasn’t a duty either, just something he found himself doing. If he was honest, Levi didn’t think there were any duties he had to endure, which was sorely relieving.

Until, about three months into their marriage, when Erwin said, “We have to take a trip to the Interior.”

He commented this casually as Levi was dusting the bookshelves in the office. Levi, thinking this was just a throwaway comment, said, “Like fuck we do,” and continued his dusting.

“Unfortunately, we do.”

Levi halted what he was doing and turned to face him.

“Why the both of us?”

“It’s a formal meal and various meetings. Spouses are preferred. Particularly when they are as skilled as the famous Levi Ackerman.” Erwin looked up to smile and then went back to his work.

“Great.” Levi tutted.

“These are the perils of being married to the Commander, I’m afraid.”

Levi hummed and continued cleaning.

He hated the Interior, and the Capital was the worst of all. All that wealth spread between so few whilst the rest of population suffered, it infuriated him. He tried to avoid going there as often as possible, being on the outskirts was much more preferable, and he had been able to avoid it so far.

He could see that was now going to change. A lot. If he was married to the Commander of the Survey Corps, who often had to travel to the Interior and Capital for meetings and to schmooze the crowds, he was going to be travelling there as well. Erwin could swindle them with ease, pretend he didn’t hate them and talk as if he enjoyed their company. But Levi was not going to manage that so well. And now, he was going to have to try.

Erwin informed him they would be there for an entire week, funded of course, which meant a boarder house, one of these new perks. Levi hadn’t thought they would ever take advantage of that because he never wanted to venture to the Capital, but given there was a perk, maybe it wouldn’t all be negative.

When they had to venture in the carriage, a longer ride than he cared for, Levi was in a rather sour mood. Not with Erwin but just because they were going to the Capital. He hated those people, had suffered because of them and their hoarding of wealth, and he hated having to pretend his feelings were anything but animosity. He didn’t want to tarnish Erwin’s reputation, one he had built up and worked hard on, but he did so fear that he was going to do something wrong and piss someone off.

“I can feel your rage from across the carriage,” Erwin commented. Levi hadn’t realised he had been being watched, and Erwin was smiling quietly. “It will not be that horrendous.”

“But it will still be a little horrendous,” Levi replied, looking back out of the window as the streets passed them by.

“Only if you view it that way,” Erwin said. “If you view it as a bit of fun, then so it shall be.”

Levi scoffed.

“They like you in the Capital,” Erwin continued.

Levi did not care.

“You will be treated well,” Erwin furthered, trying to ease Levi into this. It was a new aspect of his life, and it would continue to be a part of his life for as long as he was married to Erwin. Levi appreciated what Erwin was trying to do, but he had years of hatred built up and that was not going to be amended by a carriage ride.

Sensing this, Erwin said, “We can joke about them afterwards, I promise.”

“We had better. Otherwise, we’re getting a divorce.”

Erwin laughed, and Levi glanced at him, watching as Erwin turned to look out of his own window. He did have a nice laugh; it was a shame Levi didn’t hear it often.

They reached the Capital as it turned to late afternoon, the sun lazily glowing and the breeze picking up. People meandered around, the markets still busy and full of chatter. Some children chased after the carriage, squealing and calling out.

It was so much richer here than anywhere else; the buildings were not stacked on top of each other like precarious cards in an unstable tower, the streets were clean and the people were richer, healthier, plumper. They ate well and drank well, the children were happy and had prosperous futures. Levi tried not to hate children because their circumstances were gifted to them by chance, but he hated their fortunate lifestyle.

The carriage took them directly to their boarder house, Erwin stepping out first and Levi following. They didn’t have a meeting until tomorrow, so they could use this evening to get settled and purchase food for the week. Levi just had to keep reminding himself that, every second that passed, it was a second closer to them being able to leave.

Inside, Levi was surprised by the size of the rooms. He had been expecting the bare minimum, maybe two rooms and a bedroom, but that wasn’t the case at all. The houses were bigger here anyway. The bottom floor had the entrance hall and then, to the right, a dining room that led into the kitchen. Following out of the left of the dining room was the living area and the stairs that led to the landing. There was a large double bedroom and a bathroom, even a study that had a few books, and then a balcony that faced out on the rest of the city.

They had been given a small sum of money for food as well, and Erwin went out to purchase goods before the markets closed, Levi wanting to avoid as much exposure to the Capital as possible.

Erwin cooked and Levi assisted, and they ate a late dinner as the sun sunk low below the horizon, a last flash of oranges and purples covering the sky before it was dark. It got quieter outside, people returning to their families, the streets emptying. Levi got the feeling there would be less drunkards here at night than elsewhere, it was just a nicer part of town. Levi was not used to nicer parts of town.

Even if there had been another bedroom with another bed, Levi would have likely gone to sleep with Erwin. Three months had now passed since they had started sleeping in the same bed, and Levi was now almost used to Erwin’s presence. He had grown to a stage where Erwin was now a comfort, safe and secure. Another bed would be pleasant in a house this big, but Levi wouldn’t, at this stage, have even thought about sleeping there. An empty bed wasn’t comforting now, not after three months of having another body beside him consistently.

The meeting occurred in the morning, and Levi was privy to it for the first time in his entire life. They spoke of funding, issues with each branch, other critical concerns that any Commander had of their fleet. Levi found Erwin the most entertaining to listen to, the most interesting. Everyone else was painfully irritating or dull.

Their extravagant meal and gathering was scheduled for the late afternoon, an entirely more social experience, so they had the rest of the day to do as they pleased. Erwin had been to many of them in his time and he said they could take a while to get used to. Erwin had probably acclimatised pretty quickly because he could easily meld into social situations; Levi felt he was going to have a more difficult time.

Although the problems the meeting covered probably could have been solved in minutes, it had taken hours, so their lunch was late. Old men just liked to take their time where they didn’t need to, and Levi had tried to fume quietly beside his husband.

He did not know how Erwin managed to pretend amongst those people. He was so polite, convincing, genial. Sure, he could be stern, and he knew how to convey his view even when no one wanted to listen, but he could also schmooze and flatter. He hadn’t seen it much yet, but he was sure, come evening, he would be seeing plenty of it, and he didn’t know if he would care for Erwin like that. He knew it was only pretend, but Levi hated those people, and he hated that Erwin could merge so easily with them. Erwin deserved better than them, that was the root of the problem, and Levi didn’t like these people thinking Erwin was one of them when he wasn’t, he really wasn’t.

They spent about an hour before they got ready with Erwin teaching Levi the rules that occurred during such an expensive and extravagant meal. Levi had known there was a lot to pay attention to, but the amount Erwin told him and just kept telling him, it was too much to handle; no elbows on tables, new napkin for each course, different cutlery for each course, certain courses required hands to be cleaned in small bowls but Levi had best not confuse any of those with the soup courses, drinks were changed with different courses and it would be a massive social blunder to drink one courses’ drink with another. It was ridiculous, and the second he was told a new rule, he forgot the previous one.

By the time they had to get ready, Levi was dreading it more than he had ever been. He knew he would have Erwin beside him to help him through it as he wouldn’t be able to manage it otherwise, but it was sorely overwhelming. Levi had good table manners, but this was something else entirely. This was how people were raised, it was engrained into their being, they didn’t have to think about it, and Levi hadn’t been raised in even a remotely similar manner.

Even worse, his suit felt odd on him as it was so different to anything he had worn before. It was tailored, Erwin had gotten it on another trip to the Capital, but it felt stupid on him, wrong almost. He had never wanted fancy suits, never wanted fancy meals, never wanted fancy company, but here he was. And he hated it.

A carriage arrived for them, for some ungodly reason. It was only a short walk and the day was warm, but they got inside all the same. Levi knew making a fuss would do nothing here, not with these people. He would just embarrass Erwin, and he refused to embarrass him and ruin his hard-earned reputation.

The carriage ride was so short, it was ludicrous. To put the horses through it, to go through the widest streets just so they could arrive formally, it made no sense. To these people, it was all about show, about providing an example of wealth and pomp, and Levi thought it absurd. There was no need for this, and having to partake in it irked him beyond measure.

They were greeted by some servant, Erwin stepping out first, and then they were led inside a grand house, stretching well above the houses Levi knew in Underground. Inside, it was more lavish than Levi could have prepared himself for; there were paintings lining the wall, candelabras of enormous size that were lit and emitting too much glow. The carpet was richly red with gold lining. The doors were made of a thick wood, decorated and painted. Levi could not even fathom the cost of a single door, let alone the entire building.

Erwin knew exactly where he was going, turning instinctively before even their guide turned. How many times Erwin had been here before, Levi couldn’t know. He wondered what these halls were like to navigate when alone. He was thankful to have Erwin with him, and he wondered if Erwin ever felt isolated. He traversed so much of this social world alone, and Levi wondered how he coped, if he ever wished to have someone with him. Sometimes Mike or Hanji went with him, but not all that often. Levi wondered if it might be reassuring now as Erwin had Levi beside him.

Inside the dining hall, people were already stood around the table. The room itself was enormous, but the table stretched far beyond comprehension, Levi hadn’t ever seen one like it. On the far wall, there sat a gigantic painting of the occupants of the house, Levi presumed, standing darkly above the entire hall. They were all wearing dark colours, standing tall and proud as their eyes bore into your soul.

The wood of the walls was thick, varnished and decorated with golden candelabras. The ceiling was high, and the chandelier that hung in the middle came low, making Levi’s eyes burn when looking at it for too long.

Chatter filled the room, incomprehensible and spattered from the populated areas. Levi hated general hubbub, he much preferred silence. Noise, it stopped him from thinking. Outside, in the field, the noise there was easily sliced through so he could concentrate, but general chatter that could go nowhere, it was trapped and claustrophobic, it destroyed his senses.

They were shown to their seats, Levi sat next to some woman named Emma and Erwin next to a Lukas. They were near the head of the table, and that was solely because of Erwin. If Levi was here alone, there were chances he would be near the head of the table because of his ridiculous title, ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier’, but a mere second alone with him, and he knew he would be relegated to the other end. His manners would not suit these people.

Levi felt they were being watched. This was their first public outing as a married couple, it would be highly interesting to a lot of folks. Levi hated being watched by snobs, but they were in that environment, so he would have to submit to it.

If he was continuously watched as he struggled to maintain these rules, Levi didn’t know what it might make him feel. He had Erwin beside him, a true comfort in these trying times, but he could not stand being observed. As he was already going to falter given he was in this place and he was surrounded by these people, adding anything extra was just going to make him falter harder.

Erwin easily made conversation with Lukas as they waited for everyone else to file in, and Levi pointedly ignored Emma. Instead, he remained still, observing the grandeur of this ridiculous room. There was already cutlery, though no plates yet, but there were napkins ready. There were three glasses, almost chalices, and he thought that the silver was likely real, and that the gold lining had to be as well. Levi had not eaten with proper, gold cutlery before and he doubted it changed a thing.

Eventually, everyone entered, the hall quite full and every seat taken. The master of the house entered last, his wife on his arm, and he greeted everyone and told them all to sit. Levi followed Erwin’s cue and sat in his chair. For some members of the room, the chairs were pulled out, but Levi was not included in that group. He did not mind this, however, because he was deadly independent.

The first course was brought out, and it seemed piddly in comparison to what Levi was expecting. There were a least a dozen courses incoming, but he had expected more. It had better taste exquisite.

He tried to be discreet as he glanced over at Erwin and took his cues from him, using the cutlery he saw Erwin pick up. It was the only way he felt safe, he did not feel comfortable making those decisions for himself, not when it came to this.

The first thing that came out was on a small plate, placed expertly in front of him. It was a small circular thing, white mainly and about three inches in height. There was some weird leaf placed on top, adorning it. Levi wanted to lean over and ask if that was edible too, but Erwin was engaging in conversation with Lukas again and he didn’t want to interrupt just to embarrass himself.

Instead, he kept a vigilant eye on those around him, seeing that some did scoop it up and eat it, and that others moved it to the side to just eat the soft sponge thing. Levi wasn’t sure which to do, but decided it was food and he had been starving for so long, he didn’t feel right passing anything up.

The leaf didn’t taste of anything, but the white, soft sponge and cream was full of flavour. It was relatively sour, but it was soft and crumbled in his mouth. It was thick as well, almost a soft molasses. He wasn’t sure if he liked the taste, but food was food.

He drank a little, but the wine was quite too strong for him. However, as he didn’t know when his drink was to be replaced, he needed it to wet his throat. He dreaded being spoken to as it was, a dry throat was only going to make everything worse. He was here to socialise, and whilst that was not his thing, he had to do it, especially as Erwin’s husband, who was charming and sociable.

The courses stayed small for the next few rounds, and they didn’t stay out for long. Levi had always eaten quickly because food could so easily go missing in the Underground and it wasn’t a habit he had yet kicked, but even eating this fast was odd. It wasn’t something he could savour. Not that the food was something he wanted to savour; some of it was quite rich, some too sour, some too salty. That might just have been because his palette wasn’t made for this food, hadn’t been bred for this, but he still ate everything.

No one spoke to him, Emma was engaged with the person on her right, perhaps her husband, and Erwin was busy being charming, so Levi kept to himself, the way he liked it. However, when the first bowl came out, Levi did have to lean over to clarify what it was.

“This is soup,” Erwin clarified in a pause, quiet so as not to embarrass Levi.

Levi nodded and picked up the first spoon, after Erwin did of course.

His first mouthful nearly made him gag; it was cold, and lumpy, and unsatisfying.

“It’s cold,” Levi said, quietly to his husband beside him.

Erwin smiled to himself and nodded. “It is meant to be.”

“Why?” Levi could not fathom cold soup unless it had been forgotten. He had drunk cold soup in Underground when they had failed to heat it or if they had made a large batch and drank it for a few days after. Intentionally making cold soup didn’t make sense.

Erwin shrugged. “It’s just the way it is.”

“That’s… odd.” Levi had been going to swear but thought against it. Erwin nodded, and they continued eating, Levi finishing the soup because, although stupid, Levi still refused to let it go to waste. He could feel himself starting to fill up, but he would continue until he exploded because he could not pass up these sorts of opportunities. It would be too disrespectful to those who couldn’t eat.

The rest of the meal made more sense, though it was still small. The main was the largest by far, full of meats and gravy, and he managed to eat it despite his stomach claiming he might not be able to take much more. The only dessert course was incredibly sweet, but the jam was tart. Levi had managed to tame his sweet tooth because there was virtually no sugar anywhere, and he wondered how things might change should these sorts of desserts be on offer readily. It meant he was nearly stuffed by the time the dinner was over, but being too full was better than starving.

Everyone sat around for a moment, drinking the last of their beverages before they were called through to another hall. Levi followed alongside Erwin, feeling safe only with him. He hated the idea that he might be left alone for a single second; this place was overwhelming and as far from anything Levi understood. Erwin was safe, and Levi needed safe.

The hall they were brought into was larger than the previous one, somehow, and more decorated too; paintings lined the walls, multiple chandeliers hung low from the ceiling, the floor looked freshly polished, shinning underneath the bright candlelight from above. He wondered if people’s shoes would scuff the floor and if some butler followed everyone around, ready to clean any and all dirt.

Again, he stuck to Erwin’s side, fearing interaction with these people. He could feel them being watched even more than before, and he knew conversation was coming. Maybe he could put it off for the whole night, because that would be grand.

Champagne was handed out in flutes, and Erwin took two from a tray for both himself and Levi. Levi took the flute but didn’t drink any. He did not care for the taste, and he watched as Erwin swallowed some down, practised. Or maybe he liked the taste, Levi didn’t know. Maybe, as his husband, he should know, but he didn’t, and he didn’t have it in him to ask right now.

The next few hours of his life were a social hell. After about thirty minutes of managing to be alone and just perusing the crowd, people started to come up to them both, talking and believing Levi wished to be social. Maybe Erwin did, but Levi did not. He tried not participating, but Erwin was good at bringing him in, delicately, and everyone else was good at dragging him in, not so delicately.

There were a lot of comments about their marriage. People called Erwin a sly dog for keeping Levi away from them for so long, others said they never thought Erwin would want to be married, and some even said Levi was too handsome to be with him. Levi hated compliments, and weird compliments from weird strangers made him feel weird.

One woman, wearing a black dress that clung to her tight waist and was cut low to reveal her small breasts, said, “And here we all were, wondering if we would ever get the chance to snatch you up, Mr. Smith.”

Erwin had been good at flirting the entire night, and no one questioned it for some reason. He was good at wooing the crowd, inflating the egos of those who needed it, and smiling a smile that Levi didn’t think suited him. It was fake and practised, and Levi couldn’t understand how these people could believe it. Maybe they just loved themselves too much, maybe they couldn’t read Erwin like Levi could, but he really wished the night would be over soon.

“And now, we might never,” she continued. She glanced once at Levi before returning her gaze to Erwin. Levi glared quietly and clenched his jaw.

“Might is an interesting word choice,” Erwin said, taking another flute of champagne. This was his fourth, and he didn’t seem to be drunk. He was drinking slowly, but Levi was still on his first, and he didn’t intend on taking any more.

“One wouldn’t say never.” She winked.

Erwin huffed out a laugh and swallowed some more champagne down his throat. Perhaps his cheeks _were_ rosy, Levi wasn’t sure. He didn’t see Erwin as a drinker, so he didn’t know the signs for when he was drunk.

“And to think, Levi Ackerman, the famous soldier, and this is the first time we have ever had the pleasure of your company,” she said.

Levi nodded.

“Maybe Erwin wanted to keep you a secret.” She smiled, her thick lips growing tight.

“Maybe,” was all Levi said.

“Not one for chatter, Mr. Ackerman?”

“Ackerman-Smith,” Levi corrected where Erwin hadn’t earlier. He wondered if that was telling.

“Ackerman-Smith,” she repeated, her eyes growing thin.

The air grew cold for a moment, the woman and Levi staring each other down. For some reason, Levi was protective of Erwin. She was flirting with him, implying things, and he was Levi’s husband, so she had better fucking stop. Even if their marriage was fake, Levi would not put up with that. Not ever.

Erwin sliced through the frigid air, bringing warmth back, and he started asking her about work, her family, and Levi watched on, silent, emitting a rather foul energy.

When she left, giving them both a moment of rest, Erwin smiled at Levi.

“I hate this,” Levi said.

“I think I can tell.”

“Can everyone else?”

Erwin shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Everyone is flirting with you,” Levi said, perusing the crowd, catching eyes with a few who quickly averted their gaze. Levi knew they were being watched, judged maybe, and he hated them all for it. How Erwin managed this alone, or how he managed it with Mike or Hanji or anyone else, Levi couldn’t quite fathom it. “And I’m standing right here.”

“Are you bothered?” Erwin asked, furrowing his brow. Levi had to look away from him and back to the crowd of people before them once more.

“As me, no. As your husband, I feel I should be.”

Erwin laughed through his nose, the most genuine sound Levi had heard all night. He drank some more champagne, almost finishing his current flute, and said, “You can leave early if you want.”

“I might have to.”

Erwin nodded. Levi was glad he was understanding.

He stayed for a couple more hours, right up until he was quietly fuming from how flirtatious and pretentious all these people were. When he could bear it no longer, he told Erwin he would be retiring to bed, and Erwin finished his sixth flute and said that was fine.

Before he left, however, Erwin said, “You need to kiss me before you go.”

“How drunk are you?” Levi asked. Levi put his half-full flute onto the table beside him and watched as Erwin grabbed another from a passing waiter.

“I’m not,” Erwin said, and Levi believed him. His cheeks had grown a touch rosier, but it was barely noticeable, and Levi wondered why he was drinking so much and how he wasn’t inebriated. “But, for appearances, please.”

Levi nodded. He leaned up and pressed his lips gently to Erwin’s before parting from the room, darting through the crowds and avoiding anyone who might want to say goodbye.

He was sure he was meant to ride in a carriage back to the boarder house, but he avoided that too and walked. It wasn’t that far, and he wanted the time to walk, to be away and enjoy the night-time air. It had felt so stuffy and constricting in there, so overwhelming and claustrophobic. He had felt bad for leaving Erwin behind, but he felt Erwin could manage. Maybe he could flirt more freely, and that was fine. Levi kept telling himself that that was fine. It was fine. Erwin could flirt. That was not a problem. Not a problem at all.

The air was cool outside, pleasant on his skin, and he breathed in, no longer overwhelmed with perfume and alcohol. It was quiet, no fake laughter and excessive chatter. Levi could hear no voices, and the silence was so much more agreeable. How Erwin managed this so regularly, Levi could not be sure.

When he got back to their house, he got ready for bed silently and collapsed into the sheets. They were softer than the ones back home, but they didn’t feel homely. And it was odd trying to sleep without Erwin beside him, he had grown so accustomed to Erwin being in the room or in the room just over, comforted by his presence almost. Knowing he was in a completely different building, schmoozing and drinking and flirting, that made sleep difficult, and when sleep was already difficult for him, it meant sleep didn’t find him very well at all.

Erwin returned to him a few hours later, well into the early hours of the morning. He wasn’t stumbling or crashing into things, but Levi thought he must have had much more to drink if he had been continuing in the same vein. But he was stealth and quiet as he undressed and climbed into bed, trying his best not to disturb Levi even though he was awake.

Levi didn’t tell him he was awake, he just let Erwin slip off to sleep and, when he was sure he was, Levi rolled closer towards him, somehow feeling safer and finding sleep better when Erwin was near.


	5. Chapter Five

The next morning, they ate breakfast together, and Erwin had to go to another meeting, though this was more intimate than the one yesterday. He did ask if Levi might want to accompany him, but he decided he would rather not. Instead, he milled around their boarder house and waited for whatever hell came next.

That next hell was afternoon tea. Levi rather wanted to stick a fork in his eye at the mere idea of it. Apparently, it was less formal than the meal last night, but there were still rules. Levi knew none of these rules and did not think he would ever know them. He did wonder if Erwin had had to learn these rules or if he had already known them. They had drilled each other on their pasts, on themselves, but Levi hadn’t learnt much about Erwin’s childhood, as Levi hadn’t spoken much about his own either. He didn’t think to ask right now, but he thought he _should_ ask because he should know more about his husband’s childhood.

They made their way to a house Erwin had been to before because he had been everywhere before, and Erwin was the one who knocked.

A woman answered the door, older than both Erwin and Levi, but by no means old. She wore a casual, green dress, but it was clear some expense had been spared onto it, its long sleeves tight around the wrist, the skirt coming to the floor and swaying around her. She had a small apron on as well, but it did not look used. Levi detested that as he detested everything else in this place. These people were, really, the top of his list.

The woman, with a few lines around her face, smiled at Erwin. She glanced at Levi and nodded towards him, but Levi did little to respond. He knew he had a reputation here, that the “feats” he accomplished out in the field were known and commended, but they couldn’t know much about him as a person. He wondered if they would be disappointed by him. He knew that he didn’t care if they were.

But then he thought about Erwin who had worked hard for this reputation, who worked hard to get the Corps where it was today and would continue working hard because he had his ambitions. He had worked with these people, almost _against_ these people as he got his reputation, and Levi didn’t want to ruin that. Sure, he could not perfect himself overnight, pretend that he was a perfect, lovely husband that could sit pretty and answer questions and be curious about the wonderful things the government was doing, but he could work harder, maybe. He didn’t want to be the one that ruined everything Erwin was working towards.

“It’s lovely to see you, Erwin,” Gemma, the woman, greeted. “And lovely to meet you, Levi. Please, come in. I will tell Eli you have arrived.”

Erwin thanked her and they stepped inside where it was much more ostentatious, ridiculously so. There was a grand staircase to the right of the entrance hall that spilled onto a balcony on the second floor and Levi could even see a second staircase going up to a third floor. The wooden floorboards were decorated with a red lined carpet, freshly cleaned. The furniture was a rich oak, polished and scrubbed until it shined underneath the chandeliers that weren’t yet lit.

To the left was a door, closed, and then, further along, another door that was also closed. They were, however, led straight down the corridor towards the only open door at the end.

It opened onto the kitchen, which was one of the largest Levi had ever seen, seemingly redundant as well. Why would a married couple need a kitchen like this? Even if they were a sizeable family, which Levi knew they weren’t, they wouldn’t need a kitchen or a house this size. It was so absurd, and Levi knew it was only going to get worse, that these displays of wealth would be all around. Levi would do what he could to ignore them, but he was not sure how well he would manage. These people were so removed from real life, and Levi could not fathom what it might be like to live this way, but he knew he would not want to. More wealth, a more comfortable life, that might have been nice, but he would not want to live in ignorance of the real world.

There was another woman in the kitchen, making the afternoon tea, proving further that Gemma’s apron was redundant. She wasn’t doing any of this work and, just like everything else, it was purely for show.

Gemma led them through another door to the left that opened onto the dining room, which was as stupidly lavish as everything else. The afternoon tea was being set onto the table in the centre of the room, a large painting hanging on the wall to the left that depicted some strange, abstract forest. There was also a window to the right that showed their garden. It wasn’t enormous, but they showed it off all the same. Levi wondered how many delicate afternoon teas were eaten out there when the breeze was warm.

Eli was inside, stood beside the window and perusing his gardens. He was dressed as fancily as his wife, as stupidly. Levi struggled to not roll his eyes.

He turned to face the new people in his house and smiled at Erwin. When his eyes fell to Levi, they were a little more quizzical. Levi could not wait for this to pass, for people to stop being curious about him, for people to ignore his presence.

“Erwin!” he greeted, striding forward and shaking his hand. “It is great to have you in my home once again.” He turned to look at Levi, who was trying not to look at everything with contempt. “And you must be Levi.” He held out his hand.

Levi took it and shook firmly. He didn’t smile because he felt that wasn’t entirely natural for him, but he nodded.

“Erwin, keeping you a secret,” Eli said once they had greeted. “Makes it seem awfully… curious.”

“Private, not secret,” Erwin interjected before Levi could say anything. He could likely sense that Levi would be easily irritated here, so it was for the best if he interjected. Levi wouldn’t be silent, but he thought talking might give away the fact that he hated these people and this place, and so he thought he should keep quiet as oft as possible. “You know I’ve always been private.”

“Of course.” He smirked as if he knew something about Erwin, something that Levi didn’t. Levi tried not to think about it, tried not to consider what these people thought of Erwin, what these people believed of him. He might ask Erwin later, but it certainly wasn’t meant for now.

They settled down to begin their afternoon tea, all four sitting as the maid, Levi presuming her to be a maid as he couldn’t know for sure and she went ignored by the other couple in the room, brought out all the foods.

The list of ridiculousness that the Capital offered only continued to grow; following yesterday’s small courses, today there were tarts and miniature cups, sweets and miniscule glass jars of jam. He wouldn’t lie that it looked pretty good, the colour palette was bright and enticing, but he couldn’t imagine the expense that had been spared on this collection. He was looking forward to the teas, but he had found teas that weren’t expensive and still tasted wonderful. Expense wasn’t always the most important component, but it was for these people.

As per usual, Levi followed Erwin. He only took what was offered to him, and he ate slowly. The point of this was conversation, not the food. This pretentious act, this show of pretty, small, ridiculous food, that was all just for the spectacle. Well, it was to eat also, but it was another display of wealth that was wasted on both Erwin and Levi.

These people, for some reason, had to show off to each other. Even though they were all doing it, even though they had to be aware that they were all showing off, they still continued. They had to be better, the best, they had to have the best food, the best furniture, the largest house, the poshest carriages, and for what? The rest of the population suffered and starved, and here they all sat, watching and imitating each other, but trying to be better. Levi detested it and them.

Talk started of more menial things. Their marriage was a topic, of course. There were questions like there had been before, and Erwin answered most of them, Levi was happy for him to do so. He could maintain this image that he was quiet, not shy, just quiet. After that, there was general talk about life, Erwin enquiring politely, Levi answering only if he absolutely had to.

“There’s been a terrible epidemic recently,” Eli said, casually. “Just on the exterior of the Capital, and we’ve expertly been able to keep it from spreading here.” He continued buttering his bread as if this was normal, afternoon tea chat. Levi hated that it probably was.

“An epidemic?” Erwin asked. “Of what kind?”

“Some children thing, lots of infants getting sick and dying,” he said. “Terrible business really. So much compensation these parents ask for. We presume it spread from Underground, but those kids are always sick down there, so who knows where it started. We believe it’s over now. Thank goodness.”

“That’s a relief,” Erwin said, glancing once at Levi as his knuckles whitened, gripping his knife tightly. Levi, decidedly, didn’t say anything, but he felt that bubbling in his chest, and he wanted it to disperse. “Were there supplies handed to them? Are the children getting better?”

“We gave them what we could spare, but they always demand more. All the children who got sick died, pretty much, only a few survived, but who knows for how long? We can’t spare much more, though the parents beg as if they think we can give them everything. It’s a political disaster, really. No one else is getting sick now, so the worst is done with. The aftermath can usually be more problematic.

“But let’s talk about more important things. Your next expedition, let’s go into that, let’s see what favours I can pull for you.”

Levi couldn’t believe he switched topics so casually, but he was glad it changed; he didn’t want to hear him talk so nonchalantly about infanticide any longer. Perhaps he wouldn’t view it as infanticide, but given they did so little to help, Levi couldn’t help but view it that way.

Erwin switched topics as well, but Levi hoped he was more affected by it, that he didn’t believe it was something to gloss over. If he didn’t think it was worth more discussion, Levi would absolutely have to divorce him. Even if this marriage was fake, Levi couldn’t pretend to commit to someone who didn’t think this sort of thing was serious. He had his morals, and even if this marriage was fake, Levi couldn’t be with someone who thought this sort of thing was okay.

Part of him thought it was unlikely Erwin did think this was a menial topic because he knew Erwin a little. He likely thought this was much more serious than Eli was making it, but he had to ask him later. He had to be clear. There was still so much they didn’t know about each other, but this was going to be one thing he absolutely had to know.

As the tea continued, Levi did his best to stay out of as many of the next conversations as he could. It wasn’t too difficult to stay away from Eli because Erwin had much more to say. Given he was the spouse of the more important counterpart, Erwin took the focus as he could discuss the political business. This meant he was in conversation with the wife.

He wasn’t sure how many same-sex couples existed in positions of power like this. Levi often saw husbands and wives, not husbands and husbands or wives and wives, and so Levi wondered if Gemma found it difficult to discuss fashion trends or dressmaking or what kind of baby making and caring-for was being done. Of course, Levi didn’t agree with the way duties were separated between the sexes, it was based on ancient, sexist stereotypes. He had grown up in the poorer part of this world, and roles and chores were distributed between all, but in this richer area, Levi could see chores were separated based on sex. He doubted many of the women even raised the children despite how child-centric her conversation was. He knew plenty gifted their babies to some carer until they were old enough and less hassle on one’s very important social life.

“Tell me, Levi,” Gemma began after some small pastries were brought out by the maid. The portions were small, but Levi knew they had to be costly. People were starving in the cities below their feet, and they had probably spent hundreds on this tea alone. “What was it like at home for you? Was your mother an important figure, or your father? They do say that depending on which parent was more important to you, it says a lot about your upbringing. Even if you have two fathers or two mothers, they do say one takes on a more feminine role and the other a more masculine one. Did you have a mother and father, or perhaps same-sex parents?”

There were about a hundred questions in there, and Levi had trouble figuring out which she actually wanted him to answer. He found the upper-class did this a lot; they wanted as much information in as little space as possible, and they wanted to speak for the longest.

“I had just a mother,” Levi said, biting into this ridiculous pastry that wasn’t even the size of his palm. It was sweet, and it crumbled in his mouth. He hated messy foods, but he couldn’t deny that it had a luxurious taste.

“Oh, do you mean your father wasn’t home much?” she asked.

“No,” Levi answered. “I mean that I did not know my father.”

These were topics Levi did not discuss with anyone. He would explain no more because these people deserved no information about him. If they knew where he had come from, they would balk and divert the conversation somewhere else, and Levi couldn’t be bothered to fight with them. Not when they spoke about infant death so casually over afternoon tea.

“Well, that means your mother must have had the most impact on you,” she determined. “I favoured my mother as well. I believe it raises us to be gentler and kinder folk.”

Again, Levi did not believe that men were the ones who fought and argued and did hard labour whilst women sat at home, knitting or sewing and talking about their children, but Gemma clearly did. He simply didn’t have it in him to fight with her. He was only one man who had married someone they all thought highly of, his opinion didn’t actually matter. They liked his results on the battlefield, but that was as far as they would go with him, he was not ever going to be listened to on a matter of politics.

He nodded as his response.

“Do you still see her now or…?” She did not finish her sentence, but the indication was enough. The rich snobs lived longer, and Levi loathed them for it. If his mother had been highborn, she might still be alive. But there was no way she could still be alive now. If he was still in Underground, he might have died by now. His mother had never had a chance.

“No, she’s been… gone a while now,” Levi answered. He felt his eyes beginning to burn, sting for a past he had tried to bury and forget because to remember was to be reminded of the hell he had lived for years, decades. He swallowed the lump away and said, “She was a good woman, though.”

“I do not doubt it,” she replied. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

She couldn’t really be sorry. People who said that, it was just a response, it was an innate reply, a reaction, nothing truthful. She hadn’t known her, she couldn’t be sorry for that loss, couldn’t be sorry for what it meant to be gone, to leave Levi behind. She wouldn’t know that pain. Maybe she knew death and grief, but if she had known Levi’s grief, she wouldn't have said that. Instead, she would say, ‘good riddance to the Underground whores’ and spit on Levi as she walked by.

But he couldn't and wouldn't tell her the truth, so he swallowed down more pastry and hoped conversation would steer elsewhere.

He did not know how Erwin managed, or how he had managed it alone for all these years. Maybe he had had company in the form of Hanji or Mike at times, but they wouldn’t come to these things. To deal with these people the way he was, deal with the way they spoke and the general disregard they had for people and the future, it had to be exhausting.

Levi was quietly concerned about how well Erwin merged with them. If put into a crowd and all it was, was noise, Levi might not have been able to pick him out. He spoke the way they did, acted the same, looked at the world through their eyes. He would be able to recognise his voice, but not him, not in this world that was so different, as alien as it could be. Erwin had to be pretending, otherwise Levi would have to abandon this life. He would not follow Erwin as a husband or a soldier, and he would refuse to follow his lead if he discovered if this Erwin was the true Erwin.

When it was finally over, after being asked questions about his favoured fashion trends and if he and Erwin decided on having children, which was a firm no even though he had no idea what Erwin’s thoughts were on the matter, they were relinquished from their grasps. They spent a good ten minutes at the door where they were forced into further conversation about the weather and the possibility of rain, but then they were freed.

Levi had to be away from it all. This was place was so constricting, suffocating. When they returned to their boarder house, Levi made himself some tea and sat, staring at nothing as Erwin read. He was always reading, it was a habit Levi had never been able to pick up, and he wasn’t going to try. He was an old dog, and new tricks were not something he cared for.

Erwin cooked them a small meal that evening, but there wasn’t much chatter; Erwin was still reading and Levi’s mind was numbed.

He got into bed before Erwin, but sleep did not find him easily for he had so many questions he wanted answered.

“Can I ask you something?” Levi asked when they were lying in bed, having been still for quite a moment.

“Of course.”

“A couple of things, actually,” Levi clarified. “First, what did Eli mean when he said he knew you had always been private?”

Erwin was quiet for a beat. Then, he said, “I’m not sure, entirely.”

“Do you know what they all think of you here?”

“Sort of,” Erwin said. “Obviously, they think I’m private, which is beneficial. Other than that, they know I am a passionate Commander. I couldn’t tell you exactly what rumours circulate about me.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No. I am more than my rumours.”

Levi nodded.

“Was there something else you wanted to ask me?”

“Yes.” Levi took in a slow breath. If this conversation went poorly, Levi might even leave tonight. Human life was too precious to him. He knew Erwin valued human life, but he also valued the future, his own ambitions, knowledge. It hollowed Levi’s chest to think that, maybe, just maybe, Erwin didn’t think infant death was worth a deeper discussion. Part of Levi feared even asking because the truth might not be something he wanted to know. He thought highly of Erwin, respected him; a poor conversation here might make him lose all of that, and Levi didn’t want to see Erwin in a different light.

“When Eli spoke about all those children dying… he might as well have said that he didn’t care for the rain. He spoke about it like it was a minor inconvenience.” He swallowed, desperately hoping that Erwin valued life, that he valued children. Levi wasn’t great with kids, but he would never wish death upon them, would never think an epidemic wasn’t worth proper debate. “You don’t think like that, do you?”

“Think that dozens of children dying is a mere inconvenience that can be solved at a later date, if ever?” Erwin clarified.

“Yeah.”

The small pause before Erwin answered made Levi’s chest hurt. He had so few people in the world he liked, and he detested the idea that Erwin might be removed from that list. This just meant too much to Levi. Erwin had to share the same morals, because Levi couldn’t even look at him if he didn’t.

“No, I do not think like that.”

Levi’s chest filled completely, the hollow now whole. He exhaled, even closing his eyes because that was the only answer that would suffice. Truthfully, Levi had known Erwin was not at all like Eli, but he merged so well into this lifestyle that Levi didn’t totally trust his knowledge of him. He had just needed that reassurance that Erwin was the man he thought he was, this world here was just too consuming, and it clouded what he thought of Erwin and who he was when he was here. Levi knew Erwin was a good man, it was just that he was not totally recognisable in this space or with these people.

“Right,” Levi said, being able to breathe again.

“I know I might… seem like that sometimes, but I’m not.”

“It’s an act, then?”

Erwin was silent for a moment, considering it. Levi let him think as sleep really wasn’t coming to him any time soon. He needed to hear this anyway.

“I suppose,” Erwin said eventually. “It’s really the only way to survive in here, sometimes.”

“I prefer that.”

He didn’t look, but he heard Erwin shuffle as he turned to face Levi more directly. Levi continued staring at the ceiling as the pieces of Erwin Smith came together more concretely in his mind. It was a nicer picture than what would have been there should Erwin have said he didn’t care about all those children dying.

“You do?” Erwin asked.

“I wouldn’t… couldn’t deal with you if you were actually like that.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Good.” And Levi rolled over, facing the wall, and forced himself to sleep, listening to Erwin’s breathing as it evened out.


	6. Chapter Six

They didn’t have anything until the next evening, and Erwin thought they should take the opportunity to peruse the city. Whilst they were here to speak business and politics, Erwin thought it was important they show themselves as part of the people, and walking around and greeting the public was, apparently, a part of that.

Levi could think of nothing worse. Going out, willingly meeting people and spreading the idea that they were welcome to approach if they ever saw Erwin or Levi out, what a ridiculous fucking thing. Levi would like to be avoided at all times. He was not to be approached. He rather wished he could attach a sign to himself that stated as such, but now he was married to the Commander, he supposed that would project the wrong image of them both.

It was apparent Erwin was a famous figure here. Some people shook his hand, and some people said he was insane and that he got people killed. No matter what, Erwin would respond genially. When one man claimed Erwin orchestrated soldiers’ deaths outside the Walls, he had come up with a very genial and clever response and brought him into conversation. When it came to talking, there really were very few who could resist him.

As one woman approached Erwin, she batted her eyelids at him, and Levi came straight to his side. She was young, too young for Erwin though still in adulthood. Barely. They were stood in the midst of a market where people were calling about fruits he had never heard of and fabrics dyed in colours he hadn’t thought possible. This woman was wearing a rose-coloured dress on the pinker side, revealing all of her neck and much of her breasts, aided by the fact she was pushing her chest out. Her brown hair was intricately braided over her head, and her eyelashes moved frequently. Levi wished she would stop.

“I had to stop by,” she was saying as Levi came to his husband’s side. “When I heard you were in town, I couldn’t let you go without seeing you.”

“Of course not,” Erwin replied, this warm smile to his lips that made Levi tense for just a second. “Have you been well, Sarah?”

He knew her by name. Levi did not care for that.

“Of course,” _Sarah_ replied. “There was that little sickness thing that happened, but we were unaffected, thankfully. My nephew did not get infected, so that makes everything better.”

Levi saw red and pressed in closer to Erwin so he would be noticed.

Sarah looked at him, stopped batting her eyelids for two seconds, and then looked at Erwin again.

“This is Levi,” Erwin introduced. “My husband.”

“Oh, yes.” She did not look at Levi again. “I heard you got married.”

Erwin smiled.

“And where was my invite?” she asked. It was only slightly playful.

“It was an intimate affair,” Erwin replied.

“ _Very_ intimate.” She smiled, her eyes thinning. “Do you never go anywhere without him?”

Erwin glanced at Levi. “Yes.”

“Hm,” she hummed. “I hear differently.”

“People have been speaking?” Erwin asked.

“Just that you two are attached at the hip now you’re married,” Sarah replied. “ _Some_ are very envious.”

“Ah.”

Levi nearly glared at her.

“A taken man is… cause for intrigue,” she said.

If she could be more obvious, Levi thought that would be great. Instead of saying anything, however, he just looked at Erwin and waited for him to reply.

“Well, apologies for the lack of an invitation,” Erwin said, and he placed a hand on the small of Levi’s back in an incredibly familiar gesture. Levi tensed instinctively, but then relaxed into it. “We should head on. But it was nice to see you, Sarah.”

“And you, Erwin.” She extended every syllable of his name, and Levi felt they could not move fast enough.

They carried on walking down the street to leave her be, Erwin dropping his hand after a short amount of time. He just couldn’t believe everyone was so obvious about it. Like, sure, they could think Erwin attractive and want to court him, but to say that shit to him, with Levi actually beside him, it made his body constrict and his blood run hot. Maybe Erwin wasn’t bothered by it, but it really made Levi see red.

They turned a right to a quieter street and walked down that way, Levi’s blood cooling with every step they took away from her and her stupid eyelashes.

“Do you just… Does that happen all the time?” Levi asked as they walked through the streets, passed these tall buildings with unshattered windows.

“What, exactly?” Erwin asked.

“Everyone just flirting with you?” Levi clarified. “Everywhere. Even though they know you are married?”

Erwin shrugged. “Flirting is a strong word.”

“Yeah, and it’s the one I’m using.”

Erwin laughed through his nose. “Does it bother you?”

Levi shrugged. “It’s just… It’s one thing for them to do it at all because you’re married, but when I’m right fucking there? I mean… yeah, it bothers me.”

Erwin was a good-looking man, it would be impossible to deny that. But for everyone to be so ignorant, on purpose, and flirt with him, it just irritated him. Why did they think that was okay? Maybe the morals were different for these highborn assholes, but Levi thought that was just common sense.

“Well, I’m sorry-.”

“It’s not your fault,” Levi interjected. “It’s this place… I hate it.”

Erwin nodded but didn’t comment. They just kept walking, Levi allowing his head to cool.

They turned another left, Levi leading and Erwin following, which probably wasn’t for the best because Levi didn’t know this area whatsoever. They walked down a street that was deserted, through some open gates. He noted that there were heavy planks laying to the side, not rotted and recently used.

They kept going, but the further they ventured in, the more the shiver centred itself in his spine. The air was stale, there weren’t any sounds, not even birds calling from rooftops. Their footsteps, their breathing, it was amplified, echoing through the air.

He glanced at the windows, expecting to see some activity, but there was nothing. Curtains were drawn, doors were shut, and not a single person walked the streets.

He was not clued up enough on the Interior to know which districts were which. They were still in the richest areas, he could see that by the sturdy material of the buildings and the pristine glass, but it was empty.

And the further they went, Levi noticed there were flowers lying outside some houses. They were bouquets, made predominantly of peace lilies. Levi didn’t know much about flowers, but he knew these were ones of mourning, of loss. Levi knew then they had entered the district where the infantile sickness had spread, and he bowed his head to keep from thinking about how they probably could have been saved.

It was all unpleasant, but his chest ached to see multiple bouquets as he knew that that meant there had been multiple losses. Doors where two, three, even four bouquets lay outside, Levi wondered how the parents had coped.

There wasn’t any movement on the streets, everyone would be inside, dealing with what had passed. There had been a lot of sickness in Underground, epidemics that had wiped out portions of the population. Levi had kept everything clean, looked after Farlan and Isabel, made sure they were healthy, but the aftermath was awful. All that loss when those people had so little to begin with, it could drive many insane, drive many to actions they wouldn’t otherwise consider.

And the Capital never cared. Not once did they receive any help. Levi resented them deeply and always would.

Just before they passed by a house that had three bouquets outside, the door opened. Both Erwin and Levi glanced towards it, the only movement in an otherwise still and desolate street. A woman stepped out, a scarf around her head and hugging her clothes into her body, holding her dress with a tight fist over her chest. She was gaunt, dark circles engraved beneath her eyes, and she stared at the two with such a wide and broken gaze that it tore Levi’s heart apart.

As they continued towards her and then past her, Levi was sure it would be best to just walk on, leave her be. They shouldn’t get involved, even if Levi really wanted to help without knowing entirely how.

“Erwin Smith?” she asked just as they passed her, stilling them both.

“Yes?” Erwin said, slowly. “Do we know each other?” He spoke quietly, carefully.

“I was once at a gathering where you were a guest of honour. We weren’t introduced,” she said, stepping out of her house, though not walking past the bouquets. Neither Erwin nor Levi moved. “I wondered if maybe you were coming, to help.”

Levi watched Erwin swallow. “If I had the supplies at hand, I would… But…”

She nodded slowly, chewing her lip for a moment. “We aren’t even a poor district. But the second something like this happens… we are ostracised.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I had four children, and only my little girl remains, but she is so weak… I don’t think she will last long.”

“We would help if we could,” Erwin reiterated, and Levi could tell he meant it. “But-.”

“I understand. I never thought you were unkind.” She looked at Levi then. “And who are you?”

“My name is Levi.”

“Ackerman?” she asked.

Levi nodded.

“Ah,” she said, and she nodded. “You are both famous here.”

Neither of them knew what to respond.

“You are the first fresh faces we have seen in days,” she continued, looking up at the sky. “Perhaps you are a beacon of good luck, of change.”

“Is this area quarantined?” Erwin asked.

“Only to children, though no one wants to come near.” She looked back to them both. “I would ask for more help, but it is far too late for that.”

Erwin nodded. “We’re sorry more wasn’t done.”

She nodded this time and looked at the sky once more before she went back inside.

They both waited for a moment, unsure what they should do next. It was Erwin who walked on first, and Levi followed along, timid and wanting no more interactions like that. They were too painful. It reminded him so distinctly of the sort of thing that happened Underground. Those painful memories were buried below because they were too awful to relive.

He was so not in the mood by the time evening came that he told Erwin he could not and would not go. To stand around, talking and gossiping over champagne whilst people suffered and struggled and died, he couldn’t pretend like that. Erwin might be able to, but Levi could not.

Erwin was dressing for the evening and had asked when Levi planned on getting ready, and this was when Levi had said he wasn’t going.

Erwin sighed. “I know this isn’t particularly something you enjoy-.”

“I can’t listen to them talk about people like they’re nothing,” Levi said. “These people lost children, fucking babies, and I can’t listen to them talk about it like all that death is comparable to not getting fresh milk that morning or tripping on the stairs. I can’t fucking do it, Erwin.”

Erwin stopped lacing his tie and looked at him. The glow of the aging sun was warm on Erwin’s tanned skin, making his long, blonde eyelashes glimmer, elongating them further somehow. The angle in which he was facing Erwin did highlight the small lines he had around his eyes, but it also made his blue eyes sort of sparkle. He was no longer youthful, but age defined Erwin, made him handsomer.

“I do not want to hear them talk about it like that either,” Erwin said. “I hate it. The way they see every life but their own as futile, unimportant, irrelevant, it is not what I want to hear. Each and every one of us should be aiming for better and prosperous lives, but they view me… as a leader of a group of people that has an enormous death rate. Because of that, they seem to believe I view the world the same way they do, but I simply do not. I hate it as well, Levi. Let us get through this together.”

“Why don’t you say anything? Tell them that you value life like they don’t.”

“I have no jurisdiction, I do not have any sort of weight to carry anything like that,” Erwin replied. “I would appreciate your support this evening, Levi. I will offer you my support in turn.”

Levi set his jaw and looked away. It was difficult denying Erwin when he spoke like that.

“I will stay by your side,” Erwin continued. “Would you leave your husband alone to deal with this?” he asked with a small smile.

Levi glared at him. “I would, yes.”

“But will you today?”

Levi shook his head and then stood to get dressed.

The evening was difficult; whilst Erwin did remain beside him, conversations were these redundant, awful things. People chatted about shit Levi didn’t care about, and Erwin pretended he was interested.

Most of it was okay. Perhaps it was worse that they weren’t talking about the epidemic, perhaps it was worse that they ignored what was on their doorstep in favour of talking about their meal and the wines they had to accompany the fish. That, really, was worse. But Levi wasn’t going to bring it up. He didn’t want to hear them disregard it. He knew their thoughts, and he’d rather they never spoke about it again.

People still flirted with Erwin. Obviously. Levi standing right beside him. Erwin flirted back. A little. With Levi standing right beside him. Maybe their marriage was fake, but no one else knew that, and Levi thought Erwin should be a little better at not flirting. Yes, this seemed to be the way everyone just chatted around here, but he hated it.

To get a break, Levi stepped away as some man kept licking his lips, looking up and down Erwin’s body. Levi could not stand it, and he stepped away to collect some champagne. He hated the stuff, but Erwin had been drinking it down with ease, so Levi told him he would get them some more, wanting some respite from these fucking people.

However, it did not garner him any.

After he collected the flutes, he was halted in his return to his pseudo-husband by a tall and luxurious woman. She wore this billowing, mauve dress that ruffled around the skirt. Her sleeves were white, slim to highlight that she herself was slim. Her corseted waist pulled her in and pushed out her chest, that was covered, shockingly. The fabric wrapped tight around her throat, finished with a thin, black bow. Her hair was intricate and tight around her head, and her cheeks were far too rosy to be natural.

She had this stern sort of smile on her lips as she looked Levi up and down. He remained where he was, wondering where on earth this night would take him.

“I don’t believe we’ve been introduced,” she greeted. She did not hold out a hand, which was good both because Levi didn’t intend on shaking it and because he was currently holding two champagne flutes. “My name is Samantha.”

Levi said nothing.

“To think, Erwin Smith, a coveted and desirable bachelor, snatched up by a man none of us have ever met before.” She looked him up and down again.

“He’s private,” Levi defended.

“You’re telling me,” she replied. “We’ve met his other… _friends._ The odd one with the glasses who talks about their unimportant experiments, and the one who says he can actually smell people’s feelings or whatever it was he said, and the other woman who was very short with everyone, but you… Well, we’ve never met you before.

“Of course, we all know of the favoured, little soldier, but to think you two were engaging in an affair of the heart, well, that is very surprising.”

“We’re _both_ private.”

“Hm,” she hummed. “I suppose it all makes sense now, though.”

“What does?”

“Why he turned everyone else down.”

Levi lowered his brow.

“Oh, it would figure that he didn’t mention it to you. Maybe you’re the jealous type.”

“Mention what to me?”

“He had so many proposals,” she said, picking up her skirts and moving closer to Levi, just a step, but Levi still reeled back, straightening out. “So many men and women wanted his hand, or wanted him to take their hand, and he never accepted. I’m not sure what we all thought, but he never mentioned he had someone at home.”

Levi did not respond. Not once had Erwin mentioned that there were proposals waiting for him. He had said he never wanted to leave a widow behind, but he had never mentioned that people had wanted to marry him. He felt, given they were husbands, he ought to know some of that.

Something about it having been omitted made his stomach burn. It did not seem fair that everyone knew this information except for him. It made him feel small.

“To take away the most eligible bachelor from behind us and then parade around with him is an awfully brass thing to do, Mr. Ackerman,” she said. “Particularly with so many eyes watching.”

Levi thinned his eyes. “Perhaps people shouldn’t pry into business that isn’t their own.”

“That is where you betray your heritage, Ackerman,” Samantha said with a smile that showed too many teeth, “all business, private or otherwise, does not belong in the private here. We all know everything. So imagine our surprise when we don’t know you.”

“I’d rather it stay that way.”

“Marry Erwin Smith, and I’m afraid it won’t.”

Levi tightened his grasp on the flutes. “And who are you to my husband, exactly? One of these rejected proposals?”

She smiled, less teeth this time, lines showing up around her lips. “Take a look around the room and you’ll see just how many sets of eyes are on the man you decided to marry without truly knowing him first.”

“And what would you know about my knowledge of him?” Levi asked. He did not care for her tone.

She thinned her eyes but smiled all the same. “I know nothing of you, Levi. And perhaps that is telling in its own way.”

“Perhaps,” Levi replied, taking a step towards her, “people should mind their own business. My private stays private, and that’s how I’ll keep it. He is my fucking husband, and it will stay that way.”

She went to reply, but Levi had had quite enough, and he walked passed her, brushing her shoulder rather brashly with his own, and went to his ‘fucking husband’.

As he walked across the hall towards Erwin, who was talking to some other guy, too young for either of them but looking like he wanted to throw Erwin’s clothes against the wall, Levi noticed not only how many eyes were on Erwin, but how many followed him as well. He felt the stares, felt watched, ogled, felt curiosity and something else too. Jealousy? Lust? A desire for the undesirable? Levi couldn’t decipher it exactly, but he didn’t care for it.

Once he reached Erwin, he eyed the young boy with thinned lids until he got the picture and bid Erwin goodbye, with a lingering touch to the arm. Levi passed Erwin his flute and watched him as he let it slip down his throat. Levi put his own down on the table behind him and said, “Fucking kiss me.”

Erwin looked at him, slow. He blinked a couple of times. “Kiss you,” he repeated, the syllables enunciated until they sounded like Levi had asked him to slap him or throw a glass at the wall instead.

“Yes,” Levi said, his nerves steeled and his stomach this ball of fire. “I am sick of everyone looking at you the way they are and speaking about you the way they do when I am right fucking here and I want them to know that you’re mine.” He swallowed thickly. That possessive word might have been a bit strong, but he meant it, and he was sure it was the only way to show these fucking people that Erwin was not some prized bachelor or a pretty last name; he was a person who was married.

Erwin blinked slowly again, but not in shock this time. It was considering, and he studied Levi, looking from eye to eye.

“Okay,” Erwin said, and he stooped, bringing a hand to Levi’s waist and pulling him closer. They had kissed only twice before and they had been small and unimportant things. He intended for this to be something else entirely.

Erwin kissed him with an open mouth, which Levi hadn’t been prepared for. He wasn’t expecting tongue or for them to start humping in front of the crowd, but even an open-mouthed kiss at event like this, it felt like a statement. It felt like showing something off. Levi would not have cared for that before, but he cared for it now.

Erwin was his. Even if it was superficial, even if it was only a fake marriage that was meant for nothing more than the perks of the Corps, Levi wanted everyone to know that Erwin was _his_. They were married, they had the rings, they had done the vows. They belonged to each other in a way that meant Levi wasn’t going to share. Levi didn’t care what everyone thought about their marriage, if they thought Erwin was attractive and desirable as a suitor, because he was his and it was going to stay that way.

Maybe the others, these people with their money and power, maybe they slept with each other’s wives and husbands, had affairs and thought little of it. Maybe they flirted in public and touched each other, danced and kissed hands, leered from across the hall, but Erwin and Levi were not that kind of couple. Levi did not intend to share, and Erwin had better not either.

To Levi, even if their marriage was a fallacy, it still meant something, it was still a bond. Yes, it might make them fit in better with this breed of people if they shared their husbands, if they slept with those in power, but Levi did not care. If he was married and if he still wanted to be himself whilst married, even if it wasn’t real, he was not going to share. He would not do that in any other situation and he was not going to do that now.

The kiss was unexpectedly lovely. Levi had high standards, which not a lot of people met but he endured because he had needed to fuck something. But Erwin met those standards. Chapped lips were decidedly awful, and Erwin’s were wet as well as soft, supple, pliant but commanding. This was Erwin kissing Levi, not the other way around, and he hoped the rest of the room could see that. If they could see the ‘desirable bachelor’ kissing his husband this way, then they would know he loved Levi. Or that he ‘loved’ Levi. Levi knew there was nothing real in this kiss, but Erwin kissed him in a way that would show the rest of these people that this was love between them.

Erwin did slip a little tongue into his mouth. It was a light, wet press between Levi’s lips, and Levi really might have moaned if he was not surrounded by assholes that might get off on this later. They were probably those kinds of people; voyeurs, people who leered and liked to watch their spouses and lovers be fucked by someone else.

Levi really was used to being in control. He was used to controlling the amount of tongue, controlling the movement of lips, controlling where the hands went. But he trusted Erwin. It was clear Erwin knew what he was doing and he was fine with letting him take the lead. He also got the distinct impression that, even if he wanted to lead, Erwin would take it anyway. He was that kind of man.

Levi didn’t dislike it.

When they stopped kissing, Levi’s lips far wetter than they had been before, his vision was slightly blurry. He hadn’t realised his eyes had been shut so tight or that his breathing had been so restricted. He hadn’t let himself breath because Erwin had stolen it from his lungs. Levi wondered how many of these people he had fucked, wondered how many people’s breath he had stolen. If he kissed lovers like that, then it had to be easy to woo them into bed. If Levi were anyone else or if the situations were any different and Erwin had asked him to bed, Levi was sure he would have difficultly saying no.

But that was only because Erwin was his pseudo-husband and they were pretending. There was no other reason for that. Not at all.

“I think I had best take you out of the room,” Erwin said, their heads bowed together. “Perhaps let them wonder about what we are getting up to.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Levi replied after clearing his throat. Erwin seemed barely affected, just a small quirk to his brow, a small upturn of his lips. Perhaps he had done this before. Levi could see him encouraging many into bed, and he didn’t doubt that power he had. He was a commanding man, and that likely followed him into the bedroom.

Erwin drank down Levi’s flute before they left and slipped a hand onto the small of Levi’s back to guide him through the crowd. Levi was not used to being guided that way, but he was aware of what everyone thought about their relationship, about who was fucking who. Levi, in all their eyes, was the one who was being fucked, and Levi didn’t see the point in disputing it.

They were watched by a few, Levi could feel their eyes. He wondered if they would be thought of tonight, in very intimate moments with themselves or with other people. If they thought Erwin as desirable as they claimed they did, then they would be thinking about him. Levi did not care if he partook in their fantasies, he just wanted them all to know that Erwin was his and his alone. They could dream all they want, but Erwin was not going to be theirs. Not ever.

Once they left, Erwin made sure they were out of sight before he dropped his hand and let Levi walk alone. It felt odd to be without it now, but it was fine. It made sense. They were not a real couple, after all.

When they made it back to their home, walking instead of using the stupid carriage for a two-minute journey, they got ready for bed. Again, he could smell some of the alcohol on Erwin, but he wasn’t drunk. He had all of his senses to him, he walked fine, he didn’t slur his words, and he spoke as elegantly as ever. He had been drinking the flutes down continuously, filling himself with champagne, but it didn’t affect him. Levi wondered how it was possible. Maybe being drunk just made him more serious and eloquent, but he highly doubted that. Maybe his tolerance was super high. Maybe he just really knew how to control himself.

Whatever it was, Levi went to sleep, dreaming of fighting off other suitors and protecting Erwin, who stood behind him in his dream, always in his periphery.


	7. Chapter Seven

They had a couple more lunches and one more evening event that passed with little interesting happening. People still leered after Erwin, stared at them as they left together, winked and smiled when they thought Levi wasn’t looking, which he always was, but it didn’t happen as often given the kiss they had performed. Maybe there was more to it, but Levi liked to think the kiss had had something to do with it. They still wanted Erwin, that much was clear, but they could see Levi’s hold on him, and that was for the best.

Despite people leaving Erwin alone a little more, Levi still couldn’t wait to leave. This place and these people still irked him. A week was the extent of his limit. Erwin might last longer, but Levi would not manage.

Their carriage would be picking them up that evening, but that afternoon, Erwin had another meeting, one-on-one with someone high up in the political courts. Levi had been invited inside after he took the walk to the house with Erwin, but decided to remain outside. He didn’t want to be privy to all the scheming Erwin had to do.

Erwin wasn’t long, and the second he emerged, they were moving back towards their boarder house, about fifteen minutes away. They walked, not wanting the hassle of a carriage.

As they went, Erwin said, “You could have come in, if you wanted.”

Levi replied, “I’d rather not. That way, I can plead ignorance when you get taken to the high courts for treason or whatever.”

Erwin laughed through his nose. “And what about ignorance when they start questioning our marriage?”

“The only reason the sanctity of our marriage is going to be questioned is if you were in there, blowing him.” Levi said it lightly, but he halted himself from saying, _the way you’ve clearly blown the rest of the Capital._ He couldn’t quite understand where that notion had come from, and he didn’t want to sour the mood. They were finally going home; Levi was practically ecstatic.

They walked a different route back to avoid the market because Erwin had been recognised three times there and Levi couldn’t stand it. Even if they were being friendly, Levi just wanted to leave, and he didn’t want Erwin to be caught in conversation yet again.

“I’ve never had a relationship with him,” Erwin said as they walked. In a doorway they were coming to, Levi saw a strange bundle of blankets heaped together. Normally, this wouldn’t strike Levi as odd because people were messy and left shit everywhere, but the rest of the street was decidedly clean. The blankets weren’t exactly spotless, not brightly coloured or pristine, and they were piled strangely, distracting his eye. “Nor would I particularly want to.”

Distracted, Levi asked, “Why is that?”

“We were friends when we were training and…”

Levi stopped listening because he realised the blankets were moving. The breeze was light, not nearly strong enough to move fabric as thick as a blanket. This brought Levi’s attention even more directly to the mysterious situation, and he left Erwin’s side to approach.

Once he reached this pile of blankets, he peered over, wondering if it might be some sort of trapped wild animal, or a motherless litter of kittens. The former, he could free so it might live more freely in the wild. The latter might be more difficult because, whilst not a pet lover, he would not abandon small creatures. It might be interesting to raise a litter of kittens with Erwin. They might make quite sweet additions to HQ, Levi thought, and he would nurse them and take care of them.

It was neither of those; it was a baby.

The young thing had to only be a few weeks old, at the very most. Their blue eyes were wide open, staring up at this new face, blinking slowly and a hand gripping one of the three coloured blankets that encompassed them.

Why was there a baby in the street?”

“What is it-?” Erwin began after following Levi over. He stopped when he also saw the baby, simply lying on the street, abandoned. “Is that a baby?”

“No, it’s a puppy,” Levi replied, quite unsure how to process the situation.

Erwin was quiet for a moment, the two of them just watching. It was awfully surreal.

It was Levi who stepped forward first, and he knelt down to get a closer look. The baby’s eyes followed his movement, all wide and blue and focused on him.

“What do we do?” Levi asked.

“I’m not sure.”

He waited for a few more moments before he leaned forward to scoop the baby up, blankets and all. The baby barely stirred, they just kept looking up at him, blinking leisurely.

The little thing was light in his arms. Levi hadn’t had much experience with babies and he certainly wouldn’t call himself adept. He had never been great around children, he wasn’t warm and encouraging like children needed, and he hadn’t ever even held a baby before. It had just felt wrong to leave them on the floor, so he had picked the thing up and tried to hold them like he was sure babies were meant to be held.

The baby shuffled lightly in his arms but settled quite easily. Why they weren’t crying, Levi didn’t know. Maybe they had only been abandoned recently and they weren’t quite aware of their circumstance. They were only a few weeks old, how could they even know what their situation was?

“This is rather unprecedented,” Erwin said as he stepped closer and looked over Levi’s shoulder. The baby’s eyes moved to look at Erwin. Something odd stirred in Levi’s chest, and he thought it was pity for this child, but he wasn’t sure.

Levi didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure what to do with this baby. They couldn’t just leave them here because they would die. But what else could they do? Was someone leaving them here to collect later? That seemed unlikely, but it meant they could leave the child be, and Levi quite preferred that idea. What other options did they have? Take them with them? Adopt them? Sure, Erwin and Levi were married, but kids had decidedly not been anything either had discussed. Maybe others would like to see them with children, but Levi did not think it was feasible to raise a child in the Corps. He didn’t want to try either.

“I think we should take them to the Military Police,” Erwin suggested.

Levi looked at him. “And what would they do about it?”

“Something more than we could. They live in this region. We don’t.”

Levi wasn’t sure about that. He had lived Underground, he knew how cruel the Military Police could be, and that was in a place that had shitty rules. The Military Police above ground weren’t much better. The child would likely die if left to them.

But Levi also couldn’t see another option. Leaving them here wasn’t a good idea, taking them with them also wasn’t a good idea. There wasn’t much else to do.

“Maybe we’ll just ask for some advice,” Erwin said. “See what to do from there.”

“Don’t we need to get back?”

Erwin shrugged. “I feel like we can delay a couple of hours.”

Levi didn’t think this problem was going to be solved in a couple of hours, but he went along with Erwin all the same.

It was peculiar, carrying a baby through the streets. The thing was so young, Levi couldn’t carry them any other way than the way he was. He wanted to hand them off to Erwin but didn’t really know how to ask.

They got into busier streets as they went to the Military Police’s headquarters. Erwin said he was looking out for any Police about, but it was quite deserted and they needed to head to more populated areas.

Eventually, they found two patrolling the area who recognised Erwin, nodding at him and then furrowing their brows at the sight of the baby in Levi’s arms. Levi was sure it was a confusing picture. Erwin and Levi, relatively newlyweds, and now one of them held a baby. It would be odd to anyone.

Erwin approached and, once he reached them, he explained, “We have just found this child a few streets away. We thought you might know what the best course of action was.”

The two of them looked at each other. “You just found it?”

“Yes.”

The taller of the two tutted. “There is an entrance to an underground city around here.” He shook his head. “You know what they can be like.”

Erwin shot Levi a short glance, but Levi was too busy burning a hole through the MP’s head to take much notice.

“Regardless,” Erwin continued. “Perhaps there is something we can do.”

“We’ll just take it back to Underground,” the shorter one said. “It’s happened a few times before. We’ll just hand it off to one of the brothels, they’re almost always brothel brats. They seem to think they can just leave them up here, and they’ll be picked up and handed off to some better family. But they’re there for a reason. You can’t just come out of Underground, particularly not brothel brats. The mothers aren’t exactly attentive, and the babies would just die up here because no right-minded family is going to bring them into their home. I reckon the epidemic must have started because one of these brats was dumped up here.”

Levi burned a hole through his head as well.

The taller one stepped forward to take the child from Levi’s arms, but Levi leaned back, keeping a hold of them. He had no plans to keep the child, but he certainly wasn’t going to hand them over. Not when they had plans to do nothing.

Perhaps sensing Levi’s thoughts or also coming to the conclusion that they should find some other solution, Erwin said, “You can’t know for sure the child came from Underground.”

“Well, it seems the most likely.” He took another step forward and held his arms out. “Don’t worry. We can take it. I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do.”

Levi did not hand the baby over.

“That’s all right,” Erwin said, slowly. “We’ll delve deeper and figure it out.”

“I think it’s already figured out,” the shorter joked as if they didn’t think it was worth investigating. Levi knew what people thought of Underground and he resented them all for it, even if he knew the place was hell. “The mum’s probably dead by now anyway.”

“What makes you say that?” Erwin asked. Levi didn’t not want to partake in this conversation. Erwin was going to have to do all the work.

“They usually dump their children elsewhere just before they die,” he explained. “They scramble out of Underground, feisty fucks, and then face the penalties down below.”

“So, you’d just take them to any brothel and leave them there?” Erwin asked.

They both nodded, the one closest to Levi putting his arms out further. Levi refused to pass over the baby.

“It’s better for it to stay down there,” he said. “It’s not meant for a life up here.”

Erwin looked at Levi and Levi could see, in his eyes, that Erwin wasn’t going to leave the child here, with them. They were going to figure it out, and having Erwin reassure him about that stirred that odd thing in his chest again. It was a peculiar movement of his heart, something warm that he did not deal with often. Looking away from Erwin made it rather disappear, and that was a very strange thing indeed.

“I think we’ll keep investigating,” Erwin determined. “But we’ll return to you if we find nothing.”

Even if they found nothing else, Levi refused to dump the baby somewhere Underground. Maybe that was where they had come from, but Levi wasn’t about to go back down there and abandon the child with someone else because no one wanted to deal with the consequences of what they had created with shoving people beneath the earth. Ignoring those struggles and those people led to this, and it was solely those who lived above ground’s fault. Levi wasn’t going to subject a mere child to these people’s preconceptions. Not if he could help it.

The two police tried to dispute this decision, but Erwin was quite set on it, and if Erwin was set on something, there was no one on this earth who could get Erwin to change his mind. Levi was glad for that right now.

They left as hurriedly as possible, Levi quite ready to be away from them. The baby was starting to get restless, fidgeting in his arms. Levi was sure they would need food, changing, and sleep. They didn’t have any means for that. They were supposed to be on a carriage back to their Headquarters within the hour, Erwin had important things to prepare for upcoming missions. These things seemed unlikely to be happening now.

Unless they did. Unless Erwin wanted to be rid of the child and get on with his life. Sometimes, sympathies only went so far. More often than not, those sympathies did not extend for long. Levi wanted this to be righted, and he would ensure that this child was sorted out. He knew there were hundreds and hundreds of unfortunate souls suffering Underground and the hell it brought to everyone, but if he could help this child, then he had done _something_. It was all he _could_ do.

They wandered slowly, trying to come up with a plan as they moved. Levi didn’t have any clue as to what they could do, and it seemed Erwin was stumped as well. Figuring this out over the next couple of hours appeared less and less plausible as time passed.

They ended up heading towards their boarder house. It was the safest and most secure place to plan, and Levi could finally put the baby down. They weren’t exactly heavy in his arms, but he had been holding them in the same position and he wanted to put the thing down. They were continuously getting restless, and Levi was sure they would have to deal with that soon.

When they started to cry, Levi hairs began to rise. Children really weren’t something he actually cared for all that much, but he was now connected to this one. He just wished the crying wasn’t so shrill.

Erwin decided food was probably for the best. Levi was keenly aware that babies drank milk… from the mother. They didn’t have that, so Erwin said they would just have to settle for milk from whatever source they could get it, which was a cow when they stopped at a market. People did stare, but Levi didn’t blame them. He would stare too if someone had an unruly child. He tried bouncing the thing lightly, but that wasn’t really working.

He handed them off to Erwin when they left the market, just a little sick of the screaming. Erwin seemed more adept, able to feed the baby as they walked. Levi had no idea what they were going to do. Maybe they should have left them where they were.

Back in their boarder house which they should have been packing up to leave, they instead got more settled in. They had a baby now. A baby which they didn’t know with what they were going to do. An actual, real baby that had finished eating, burped, and was now settling to sleep in Erwin’s arms. They had no place to put the baby down. Erwin was talking about getting a cot or something. Levi was having difficulty processing this.

With the baby asleep in his arms, Erwin said, “I will have to send a message to Hanji, telling them we are delayed.”

Levi, looking over from where he was sat at the table, asked, “How long are you thinking of being delayed?”

“Until this is sorted out.”

“What do we do with them?”

“Him,” Erwin corrected.

Levi nodded. Erwin had changed the blankets about, though they hadn’t had to change him yet.

“We should probably find someone to give him to,” Erwin continued.

“And how do you suggest we do that?”

“I’m not sure, Levi.”

Levi was not pleased with this answer, but what else was there? The fact that Erwin didn’t have an answer was also concerning because Erwin was too smart for his own good. If he could come up with nothing, they were screwed.

“Do you want to find a cot or should I?” Erwin asked.

“We can’t both go?” Levi didn’t want to go out there alone, he hated this fucking place. He also didn’t want to stay alone with the baby because he was sure he would fuck something up there as well.

“Well, it’s a little cumbersome carrying him around,” Erwin said. “And he’s asleep now. It might be best not to disturb him.”

Deciding on the lesser of the two evils, Levi said he would go and find a cot. Erwin gave him some coin and Levi left to navigate the streets.

He knew these streets better now because he had walked them with Erwin, but he wasn’t comfortable traversing them without Erwin beside him as a sweet comfort he had now lost. Walking alone, it felt _very_ alone. He felt watched, like he might be caught out at any moment and be dragged to Underground because, really, who was he here without Erwin? He might be a skilled soldier, famous, but he was vulnerable without him, without Erwin.

The nearest market wasn’t too troublesome to find, and he immediately started looking for baby things. It was an assortment of shit, really. There were ornaments of animals, wood-carved creatures, necklaces with jewels that had to be fake. He wasn’t a material man, he knew that through and through, but still, he couldn’t understand material people buying this shit even if they were obsessed with having items.

There were a couple of vendors who sold cots, and Levi took some time inspecting which would be the right one. If he were buying something for himself, he would just choose the cheapest, but that wouldn’t be fair to the baby. So, he took time looking for splinters and poorly secured joints to make sure he chose the correct one. He then bought soft blankets and a small hat. Some of the vendors tried to push socks and mittens and other shit onto him to make a sale, but he took his time and bought only what he thought a young baby might need.

He was offered help a few times as he walked back with it all to the boarder house, but he declined. He managed, even if it was a little slow. It gave him time to think about options, but by the time he reached the door, he still didn’t have a single clue.

Inside, after scanning the room, he found Erwin asleep, the baby in his arms. The image stilled him, something sticking in his throat. Erwin looked peaceful, the child as well, and Levi’s heart pounded loudly, sounding throughout the room.

Shaking himself from that moment, Levi placed everything down that he had bought and decided food might be the priority. He cooked as quietly as he could, wanting both the baby and Erwin to have their rest. Erwin was certainly the better chef between the two, but Levi didn’t want to disturb him.

He ate, and covered Erwin’s portion so it stayed heated, and then assembled the cot. He had built and repaired various pieces of furniture before, but usually for function rather than comfort. But this was for a baby, and a baby needed both. He took great care placing the pieces together and readjusting it until he was content it was sturdy and comfortable, lined with blankets to keep him warm. It didn’t take much to assemble, and Levi was sure he could be a carpenter should he wish to try, but he didn’t think he should try today. Assembling a cot was not something he wanted to do wrong.

Just after he had rearranged the blankets so it created almost a nest in the centre, he heard a gentle squeaking sound, and he turned to see the baby beginning to stir in Erwin’s arms. He approached slowly, not wanting to wake him. There was an attempt to claim the baby carefully from Erwin’s arms, but Erwin awoke all the same. His blue eyes were unveiled to the world through heavy blinking. The glow of the lamps gave his eyes a light glimmer which made him look striking in a soft way.

Erwin took in the time, the curtains closed and the lamps lit, and he then looked at Levi, offering the baby to him when he realised that was his intent.

“How long was I asleep?” Erwin asked, standing and stretching.

“A while,” Levi answered. The baby was stirring now and Levi knew he needed changing. Levi had not done that before, but he wasn’t sure Erwin had either.

He rubbed his eyes and Levi had to look away for some reason, probably so he could focus on the baby.

Levi put the baby on the table after having lain out one of the new blankets. The child smelled… dirty, and Levi’s stomach churned. He had no problem with cleaning, but he hadn’t often cleaned human dirt of this ilk. It would be entirely inhumane to not deal with it, however.

“I should write to Hanji,” Erwin said once he had woken himself up. “Inform them we won’t be returning tonight.”

“How long are we gonna be staying?” Levi asked as he started to undress the baby so he could be changed. The thing was wriggling about now, probably unsettled with his situation because it seemed quite unpleasant.

“I’ll say a couple of days,” Erwin said as he sat down on the other side of the table to begin his message. It was dark now, but Erwin would be able to find someone to be a courier, he was powerful like that. Or he would send it tomorrow. Either was feasible.

“And do we have much of a plan yet or…?” Levi asked, eyeing Erwin pointedly. What the hell were they going to do with a baby? They couldn’t keep him, but how did they give away a baby? Who was just going to take a literal baby?

Erwin’s silence indicated he had yet to come up with anything, which was mightily disturbing. Erwin could plan anything; he could sell air to the rich. If he couldn’t think of something, Levi wasn’t sure they were ever going to have a plan. Having no plan, that meant resorting to a default answer, which was giving him to the Military Police and then them taking him to the Underground. Literally any other answer would be better, but Levi couldn’t see them coming up with anything.

When the baby was changed, Levi put him into the cot and he slowly slipped off to sleep. Levi sat beside the cot and watched him. It really all felt so uncertain. Whilst he detested that the Military Police thought he had been abandoned by a prostitute from Underground, Levi could see its validity.

As a former member of the Underground himself, he knew it was plausible. But the Military Police, the people above ground, they thought it was selfish to put a baby above ground so they could invade the folk who lived there, but it was entirely the opposite. These mothers, these parents put babies above ground, abandoned them to give them a chance at a better life. For some ungodly reason, the people Underground who were suffering, poor, and starving, wanted their children to have a better start. When parents put their babies above ground, it wasn’t to invade those social spaces, it was because there was the smallest, slightest chance that they might be claimed and looked after in a better environment, given a better life than anything they could have gotten in Underground. It was dangerous to attempt to get above ground. If a mother was caught, she could have been beaten, raped, killed. Anyone who thought they attempted this with evil intentions could not be more wrong.

But Levi also knew the number of babies that survived, the number that were looked after by a couple that had found an abandoned child. It couldn’t be above zero. His own mother hadn’t tried it, and perhaps that was because she knew it never worked. Levi had cherished those few years he had had with her, even if she had hidden her suffering. He hadn’t seen it at the time, but he could see it now when he thought back on those memories. He tried not to think about it when possible.

Having a baby here, who had likely come from Underground, it just triggered those memories. Levi tried to bury them deeper, but they refused to leave him alone.

“Perhaps we should have a think with fresh minds in the morning,” Erwin said once he had finished his note.

Levi agreed, but he didn’t think fresh minds would help anything. What sort of plan would come to them after they had slept through the night? Levi honestly thought they were going to be stuck with this baby forever.

After Erwin ate what Levi had made him, they gently moved the cot so it was sitting in their bedroom, and then they fell asleep. Despite having napped earlier, Erwin still fell asleep quickly, probably with the weight of the impending decision regarding their predicament lying on his mind. Levi didn’t sleep well, but he never did. Thoughts of this child, whose future was perilous, ran through his mind constantly.

The baby woke twice during the night to be fed and changed. Erwin took the first and Levi took the second. It was tiring and dark, and Levi had collapsed back into bed the second he was done. Why people opted for this life, Levi couldn’t say.

When morning broke, Levi was first up. The baby was stirring again, so Levi took it upon himself to calm him. He scooped him into his arms in a fresh blanket and with his new hat covering his little ears, and went to the early markets to buy more milk. He was restless in his arms, and Levi attempted haste to get him fed, also bringing back breakfast goods Erwin could cook with when he woke. They were meant to have left last night, so they would have to buy more food if they planned to stay a while.

Erwin was up when he returned, and he smiled at Levi, his hair wet from the shower. It was sticking up every which way, indicating he had run his hand through it several times. Levi had to look away for it pulled at his stomach for some reason.

Levi burped the baby and then put him in the cot that Erwin had dragged back out into the main room. It was far too fucking domestic, particularly when Erwin started cooking. Levi wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of this, and it stirred some odd feelings in his chest.

He had never wanted to be a father. When he had been in Underground, it just wasn’t plausible, and with the career he had now, it was even less plausible. He had never expected to be married, and whilst this marriage wasn’t based in truth, he still had a husband.

And now a baby.

He had a husband and a baby. What a fucking world.

After they had eaten, they sat down, Erwin having grabbed the baby to feed again. They were going to attempt to figure out a plan. Somehow, they were going to work out what to do with this baby because Levi refused to leave until they had given this child some sort of fair future. Everyone deserved a chance, and where someone was born should not affect that, even if it always seemed to.


	8. Chapter Eight

Levi had never supposed having a baby was easy, but he discovered the truth of that reality so quickly. Even raising Isabel and Farlan, when they had been adults, that had been tough, and, supposedly, they had had some independence. A child had no independence, giving you so much responsibility. You have to feed the child, change the child, get the child to sleep, all of this and more. People opted to do this? Levi couldn’t understand that on any level.

They had delayed their journey home for a couple more days. Erwin hadn’t said anything specific and they had been allowed to keep the boarder house for as long as they remained. It gave them time to figure things out, because they certainly needed some time.

They had no plan yet. They had nothing. They had a baby, and they had nowhere for that baby to go. They would not abandon him to the Military Police, they would not take him back to Underground, if that was even where he had come from, and they were not going to keep him. What, really, did they have at all?

They awoke on the second day of having the baby to silence. He had woken them up both previous mornings. Already having insomnia, any sleep Levi could gain was precious, and being awoken early by a piercing screech gave him an instantaneous headache.

Levi got out of bed first to check on the baby, still asleep. He had heard Erwin get up in the night when he had stirred, giving him some milk, so maybe that had helped. He was quite a peaceful child really. Levi supposed even the most peaceful babies had to cry sometimes. He was also aware that fat babies were healthy babies, and this baby was skinny. They just needed to fatten him up, but Levi really didn’t think they were going to be here long enough to do that.

Well, he hoped they weren’t, but the days continued to pass and the baby remained with them, and no ideas came to mind. Not even Erwin could think of what they were to do, and Erwin’s brain was supposedly enormous. They were pretty much fucked.

They almost started forming a routine over the few days where the baby was a part of their life; the baby would wake one or twice during the night and Erwin would take the first, Levi would take the second, and Levi would take the baby in the morning to feed him. They would eat breakfast, fetch food for the day, on purely a daily basis because they didn’t want to buy in excess. Levi really felt they might be here for weeks and end up just fucking keeping the thing anyway.

They couldn't spend the entire day, sat down, wondering what they were going to do because taking care of a baby took up a lot of attention. When he was asleep, they would take some time to think through options, but they were quite exhausted from feeding, changing, and sitting with the child, so their minds were not at their peak.

On the fifth day, Levi having woken early to a gentle crying, he was walking around their house, rocking the baby to get him back to sleep. His under-eyes were growing darker and darker, and he couldn’t get more than a couple of hours of sleep at a time, though that wasn’t entirely the baby’s fault. His mind was just working hard, and he was always listening out for the baby should he start crying for some reason.

It was early, but he decided to go for a walk. The sun was slowly rising, the sky gentle, fresh, brisk blues, and it was cool outside. If he got out early, he could walk without too many others about, and he thought fresh air might do him some good.

He scrawled a note for Erwin, wrapped the baby up, and started walking. Erwin had suggested they buy a carriage of some kind, but Levi refuted that idea. Buy a pushchair, then it would be more clothes, and then suddenly the kid would be ten, named, and he would call them dads. Levi refused to allow those first few steps to even occur.

The breeze stroked through Levi’s hair, and he tightened the blankets over the baby, pulling his hat down a little. Glancing down, Levi saw his features were tight in sleep, his nose scrunched and eyes locked in slumber. His cheeks were rosy and he had brown wispy hair escaping below his hat.

Levi wondered what circumstances had led to the parents giving a child away. He understood the idea that, if he was from Underground, placing him above ground made sense, but it must have been so hard. He was probably loved, so much that the mother, maybe the father, wanted him to have a better start. And wasn’t that really love? Sacrificing yourself and your own love to ensure the one you loved was better off? That was true, agape love, and Levi was sure it had been awful to give this baby away, but it had to have been done with only love in their hearts.

As he continued walking, he passed a small florist shop. Something about flower arrangements always soothed Levi’s heart. The colours, the call to the peaceful side of nature, the control over arrangement, it was all Levi really coveted; peace. Living Underground, soil was hard to come by, and even dreaming of being able to one day arrange flowers had been too much for his heart, too bold of an ambition.

Drawn by an arrangement of pink and red flowers, Levi approached. He didn’t plan on purchasing anything, it was just a moment of peace that Levi craved at this moment in time.

As he looked, the old woman who owned the store came out. She had thick lines in her face from where she smiled too often and dense, rimmed glasses. Her eyes were bright as she greeted good morning, to which Levi nodded his response.

“What a sweet little thing,” she said, peering into Levi’s arms as she stood a few inches taller. Everyone fucking did really.

Levi nodded. He hoped she didn’t ask his name because Levi didn’t feel like giving a fake one over.

“Looking for anything particular?” she asked, pushing her glasses up.

Levi shook his head. “Just looking.” He swallowed, not sure quite what to say. “They’re… pretty though.”

“Oh, thank you,” she said. She looked over some of her arrangements and sighed quietly. “I’ve never sold as much as I have these past couple of weeks, but it is with a heavy heart.”

“Why?”

“I’ve sold out of my peace lilies,” she said, reaching out to fiddle with some stems. “I’ve had to regrow them all, I don’t even have a single sprout left, just bulbs. All that loss…”

In a sudden, striking moment, a thought found Levi. It was a difficult one, perhaps too fragile and, if thought of too much, perhaps easily broken. But there had been no other choice, no other plausibility, and so he found he must talk to Erwin quickly.

Now, his mind muddled with thoughts, he couldn’t think of how to reply. He agreed of the tragedy of the loss, but words never found him easily.

“Perhaps I can convince you to purchase something,” she said, gently changing the topic. She pointed to an arrangement of red and purple flowers, dark but vibrant. “These suit your colouring. I’m sure they would suit your home.”

Levi shook his head. He only had a little coin on him and he didn’t know if he should spend it on flowers. But he was drawn to the initial bouquet, the pinks and reds. To support this woman, and to bring her away from all this loss and grief, he decided to pick out the small bouquet and pay for it. Why not? Maybe it would soften Erwin up and make him consider the ridiculous idea Levi was about to propose. Why he initially thought of gifting it to Erwin, he couldn’t be sure, but it just… made sense.

She picked the flowers out, wrapped them neatly, and passed them over after Levi had paid. He thanked her and turned to return home.

“Be careful with your little one,” she said before he left. “They’ve lifted the quarantine for children, but always be careful.”

The sun was crawling its way across the sky, changing the fresh blues to deeper shades. The streets began to fill, people heading to markets, gathering firewood, heading to farmland or cushier careers if they had them. Levi skirted through easily, even knowing a few shortcuts now because he had walked along with Erwin.

Once he got back, Erwin was awake, and the sweet scents of cooking filled the air. Levi inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with Erwin’s expert cooking skills, and made his way to the cot to put down the baby, who was still asleep.

Erwin looked over his shoulder when he heard Levi enter and said, “I’m making breakfast. I didn’t know when you’d be back but I can make you some.”

“Please,” Levi said. He had initially had the nerve to tell Erwin his plan, but he found himself faltering now he was here. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to give the baby away, it was more that Erwin was the smart one in the relationship. Proposing the idea to Erwin felt inappropriate because, really, it should be the other way around. He knew Erwin wouldn’t belittle him if he did say something stupid, but it felt odd to voice his own thoughts when he usually waited for Erwin’s. “I got you these.” The words sounded strange in his mouth, but the bouquet was there, and he couldn’t just throw them away.

Erwin turned and looked at the bouquet now lying on the table and Levi retreated to the child’s cot. Erwin looked them over and then faced Levi. His smile was contemplative, warm, almost surprised.

“You did?” he asked.

“Mhm,” Levi said, and he cleared his throat. “I was with this woman, actually.”

Erwin cocked a brow but continued smiling. “Were you now? I did think it was strange for you to leave so suddenly.”

Levi pulled a face. “Not like that.” He tutted. “I passed a florist. I’ll condense the story, but do you remember the woman we met?” Levi asked, glancing over at their sleeping child. “The one who had lost three children? And she remembered you from some party, thing.”

Erwin furrowed his brow but nodded, going back to the pot to make sure the coffee was brewing. Levi would make himself some tea, but Erwin was preparing the meats and bread, so he was taking up the kitchen space.

Shrugging, Levi said, “She’s as good a chance as any, right?”

Immediately on the same thought process because his brain made a thousand connections at once, Erwin clarified, “To give her the baby?”

“Don’t you think so?”

Erwin was quiet as he thought, and Levi just waited. There weren’t any other plans, any other choices. This was the only thought either of them had had that might actually work. If Erwin didn’t think it was feasible, they were just going to have to give him to the MPs, and that would break Levi’s fucking heart.

“We can try,” Erwin said eventually.

Levi sighed, his shoulders sagging. He hadn’t realised how important it was to get Erwin’s approval on this. It was the only option they had, meaning they didn’t have any options at all. It was this, or abandoning him, and Levi wouldn’t be able to live with himself if they did that. He would never forget it, it would haunt him forever, and he already had so much that haunted him.

“And flowers made you think of her?” Erwin asked, glancing over his shoulder with a small smile.

Levi rolled his eyes. “She was talking about peace lilies. I couldn’t not buy anything.”

“It’s very sweet of you.”

Levi flipped him the bird and they ate, steeling themselves for the oncoming conversation.

After breakfast, they gathered a bunch of shit they had gotten for the baby and decided just going for it was the best plan. Levi held the bundle of blankets in his arms and Erwin carried the deconstructed cot, stuff they thought would be fair to bring with the baby, and they walked together. It was slowly turning to noon, so there were many people out. Some watched them, some did not, Levi did not care, he just wanted this baby to go to someone who could love him and raise him the way every child deserved.

The street where she lived which had previously been deserted was now occupied. Still, it was not as busy as other streets, but it was populated again, people walking along. There were still bouquets outside houses, wilting now, but at least there weren’t any fresh ones.

Except for one outside the house they were going to. Three bouquets were wilted, and a fresh bundle now sat amongst them. Levi swallowed thickly as they approached.

When they knocked, there was a long pause. Levi wasn’t sure if she would answer at all. To have lost all her children in such a way, to be a mother that had no one to care for, Levi couldn’t imagine what that felt like. He had known what it was like to lose his mother, but that didn’t mean he understood what it was like to lose a child.

When she did answer the door, Levi took in the heavy bags under her eyes, the red that was set within them, her gaunt cheeks. She held a shawl around her, but it kept slipping past her thin shoulders, so she had to keep readjusting it. She looked between the two of them, these two men standing in her doorway, but Levi could not be sure if she really saw them.

Until she saw the child in his arms. A light shone in the dim of her blue eyes. She saw this child, and she straightened before she looked between Erwin and Levi again.

“Hello,” she greeted.

“Hello,” Erwin replied. It was for the best if he did most of the talking. Levi felt he would trip over his words, and this felt too delicate a task to trip over. “We have a proposition to run by you, if you might wish to hear it.”

She nodded. She looked at the baby again, still sleeping comfortably in Levi’s arms. “It is safe now for children, isn’t it?”

“We think so,” Erwin said.

“Yes, I think so too.” She swallowed, and it seemed a great effort. “Would you like to come in?”

They entered the home, walking past the decayed bouquets, and into the dark of her house. There were candles that lit her home as she had the curtains drawn, but they gave out only a little light, small globules that flickered and made Levi squint. She led them into a living area with seating and a fireplace, the embers still burning but the fire well out. She sat first in an armchair beside the window, the light blocked by the dark curtains. Levi sat after in a seat opposite her, careful with the bundle in his arms, and Erwin followed, careful with the things he had brought.

There was silence for a moment.

“I would offer tea, but I don’t have much,” she said, staring at the baby in Levi’s arms.

“It’s fine,” Erwin assured. “I do not know if we will be staying long.”

She nodded, staring at the baby still, brow low and breathing slow.

“I don’t believe we actually know your name,” Erwin said.

She looked at him. “Elsbeth.”

“And you know Levi and I, correct?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Well, I suppose we should just tell you,” Erwin began, “we were meant to leave and return home a few days ago, but we happened upon… this baby. The Military Police believe he was abandoned, but we wanted to see what we could do for him before we handed him over.” Erwin left out the part about the Underground, and Levi wondered if she would be bothered by that. He hoped she wouldn’t. “Now, we cannot keep this child, and we know the epidemic here was awful.

“You were the first person we thought of. We wondered if you might be able to take him in, raise him. It is, obviously, no compensation for what happened, but we wondered if you might be inclined towards it.”

“Take the child in?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Raise him as mine?”

“Yes.”

She sucked in a shaky breath. “I would… I would love to… May I hold him? For just a moment. I… miss holding my babies.”

Levi accepted soundlessly and stood, walking toward Elsbeth because she seemed too frail to stand. Passing him over was harder than he had anticipated it to be. He had grown so used to holding this little boy, grown so used to having him in his arms. He knew he could not keep him, did not think he could handle the task of raising a child, but he had cared for this baby, looked after him. Passing him into another pair of arms felt like giving away a piece of himself in some odd way.

The second she was holding him, she relaxed into the seat, moulded into that mothering role once more. Levi hadn’t known how old her children had been, but she acted as if she had held a baby yesterday. Maybe you never lost that ability. She should never have had to lose it, either.

The two of them watched as she moved the blankets to see his little face. He had woken, but he wasn’t stirring or crying. Levi had returned to his seat, but he could see those big, blue eyes looking at her, at this woman who might raise him. Levi hoped she would. They didn’t have a plan otherwise, and Levi’s heart was tight from the mere thought of giving him to the MPs.

“You would let me have him?” she asked after a long silence, staring at this young thing in her arms.

“It isn’t even about us letting you,” Erwin said. “You deserve him. He is yours, if you want.”

She sighed contently, smiled at this little boy, and nodded. “I’ve… I’ve missed my babies, and… I would love him.”

It seemed quite settled then. Erwin gave over the other things they had brought and she accepted them. She could not look away from this little boy, this new life that she held. There was no replacement for a lost child, but maybe this would fill some of the void.

She had lost her husband years ago as well, before the birth of her last child. Levi could not imagine that pain, and he was glad they could give her some company, give her something. The healing had to begin, and Levi felt they had helped.

Saying goodbye was also more difficult than he had been prepared for. Yes, the baby could never be his, and he hadn’t ever wanted to keep him, but he had cared for this new life. Maybe not for very long, but it was the longest he had cared for anyone like that since he had lived Underground. It brought back those memories of Isabel and Farlan, and maybe that was why he felt like he was giving up another piece of himself; he had given up so many already in his time.

As they were walking through the door, Elsbeth, carrying her baby as she thought of a name, thanked them again and again. Erwin exited the house, but Levi stopped. He was overcome with an idea. If this was how she felt, how desperate she was for someone to hold and care for, maybe the other parents would be the same. Maybe they could help a bigger problem.

“Sometimes…” Levi began, voice quiet because he wasn’t sure he was meant to be doing this, and he didn’t know if Erwin would want him to say it either. “Children, babies, they are brought up from Underground. The parents, usually mothers, they leave them at the entrances… I know there is no replacement… for a lost child, but… these children, they deserve a chance. So, if anyone here might… be up for that, I suggest taking regular trips to the entrances… just in case.”

She looked at him, eyes flicking between Levi’s. “Mothers abandon their children?”

He shook his head. “It’s not like that.” He swallowed. He did not want this to go the wrong way, he did not want her to abandon this baby when she realised where he had come from. “These mothers, parents, they are desperate. They want something better for their children, they’re sick or… they want… they just want something more for the children they love.”

She looked at the baby in her arms again. “This is where he came from?”

Levi nodded, but she wasn’t looking. It wasn’t really a question after all, just an affirmation.

She sucked in a breath. “I will love him.”

Levi released a breath that finally got rid of the tightening in his chest. Erwin had stopped and was watching them, but he hadn’t heard their conversation. Levi really wasn’t sure if Erwin would agree with this.

“And I will talk to some of the others,” she said. “We will… figure it out.”

Finally, they were able to pack their bags, rearrange their carriage, and they were on their way back to Headquarters, Erwin even taking the bouquet. They both sat in a stunned silence, staring out of their own window and watching the cities and greenery pass.

They had taken care of a baby, together. They had now passed that baby over to a grieving mother, and Levi had given over information that might incur further, grieving mothers to attain some babies. It was very difficult to comprehend, particularly as Levi had never anticipated being a father. When he had married Erwin, he had certainly never thought they would be taking care of a baby.

It was incredibly difficult to process, and they let it sit in the silence between them, contemplative and stunned.

When they returned, well into the night, they went to the mess hall to gather some food. The kitchens were obviously closed and no longer making anything, but Erwin could cook, and they walked easily though the empty hall so Erwin could make them just something quick to eat.

Erwin was eager to return to a routine and had felt anxious to be away from work these past few days. Levi had thought about making a joke about how they had basically taken paternity leave but decided against as it sat strangely on his tongue.

As they ate, still in silence, the door opened and Hanji and Mike entered. They had obviously seen the carriage and were eager to talk to the Commander and Levi about their travels. Levi hoped the meeting talk and experimentation talk and work talk could wait until tomorrow because he was eager for bed.

They sat opposite Erwin and Levi, Hanji grinning which Levi ignored. He often ignored Hanji.

“Those are pretty flowers,” Mike said, the bouquet sitting beside Erwin. Levi ducked his head and felt like such an ass. Why the fuck did he buy the flowers?

“They were a gift,” Erwin answered, simply, which spread a strange warmth through Levi’s chest.

“Well,” Hanji began, clapping their hands together, “I heard you had a baby.”

Levi resisted groaning. The Corps could be gossipy, but he did not realise how quickly it travelled. Erwin had probably written something to Hanji or Mike about a baby, but it was likely to have spread throughout the entire Corps now, and Levi could not wait for the questions and stares that would follow.

“Technically,” Levi agreed. “Though it’s more like _found_ than had.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whilst I couldn't turn this particular story into a kidfic, I'm so pleased people enjoy papa Erwin and Levi as much as I do! It was just too sweet and domestic, and I couldn't resist making them short-term papas! x


	9. Chapter Nine

The rumours about Erwin and Levi somehow acquiring a baby died down when they all realised they no longer had a baby. Some of them had gotten quite too excited and claimed what perfect fathers they would be as they would be disciplined, private, but clearly loving. Others thought it was moving far too quickly, and Levi had to remind them all that they did not have a child and had merely found an abandoned one. They also no longer had said child, but excitement in the Corps took some time to calm.

Whenever he was training the recruits, someone would approach him and pat him on the shoulder. Some of them said they never thought he would want to be a father, not given the career he and Erwin had, but they would claim that they thought he would be great at it, that he and Erwin would be stellar parents. Levi continued to _kindly_ remind people that they did not have a child and were, indeed, not looking to have children. It still took a moment for it to sink in.

Erwin got to deal with it a lot less, cooped up in the office, and Levi envied him for it. He hated small talk, and the idea of children meant people thought small talk was feasible, that Levi finally allowed such conversations. He did not allow it, and even though they were being nice, Levi would rather they stayed away.

Levi came back after one recruit had said Erwin and Levi would make very good-looking babies, to which Levi had had to say that neither of them were going to have children that were biologically theirs, so there wasn’t going to be any resemblance. Levi wondered why they allowed idiots and simple folk into the Corps. Surely they weren’t going to be titan slayers, just fodder if they did not have working brains.

He entered the office, removing his jacket for the fireplace was keeping Erwin’s space toasty. Erwin had his own jacket on the back of his chair, but not around it like any normal person, just thrown over the back like some ill-mannered fuck. Levi tutted when he saw it and came further into the room, pulling it from where Erwin was resting on it, and laying it neatly around the chair. He caught Erwin’s smile as he came back into the centre of the room, looking around at the mess Erwin lived within. The flowers that Erwin had actually kept, making Levi feel strange in his stomach, had been disposed of yesterday after they had wilted. Levi had had to dispose of them because Erwin couldn’t clean anything properly.

If anyone truly took a moment to think through Erwin and Levi’s relationship, they would see that it was impossible for it to work. Erwin was a saint at leaving clutter, and Levi detested clutter. He was generally clean in other ways, but not in the ways Levi desired. If anyone truly knew Levi, and maybe they didn’t, they would see their relationship was a farce in that regard alone.

Or maybe they thought Levi’s love was powerful enough that he allowed him to be messy. No one could know Levi at all if they thought it plausible for him to leave mess because mess was never acceptable. Levi was banking on everyone not knowing him well enough, so he would let it be.

They didn’t greet each other, but not because of any hostility, just because they were growing used to each other. They were always in the others’ space, and Levi thought it would be far too exhausting to constantly be saying hello. Only in public would they kiss each other’s cheek. They didn’t need to do any of that in private.

As always, Levi went about gathering up the rogue pieces of paper that had found their way to the floor or gathered letters that Erwin said he never threw across the room and Levi pretended to believe him. It was highly coincidental that the letters that were halfway across the room were the ones that rejected his proposals. The positive ones always remained on his desk, and Levi pretended to believe in the coincidence.

Also lying on a chair today was a book. Erwin had such a problem with forgetting where books went. Shortly after moving in, Levi had rearranged all the books into an order that made sense, and Erwin had quickly learnt that it was better to leave a book out and let Levi replace it than put it back in the wrong place, even if it contributed to the clutter.

The book was something to do with carnivores, though Levi wasn’t entirely sure what that word meant. With Erwin reading his letters aloud now and again, his reading was getting better, but his comprehension of those words was not improving all that quickly. He could read the word easier, maybe say it aloud, but he wouldn’t pretend to know its definition. He always needed Erwin for that.

“Why are you reading about carnivores?” Levi asked, (though he pronounced it as cah-nee-voh-res).

Erwin looked up from the letter he was reading. “Hanji mentioned some connection between carnivores and titans in something they were doing, so I was just reading it. I do not have the mind Hanji does, so I could not see the immediate connection, but I thought it best to at least know what they were talking about.”

Levi liked the way Erwin would gently correct his pronunciation. He was never abrasive about it, never said it in a way to make Levi feel stupid, and Levi never felt embarrassed when he realised he had said something wrong. He liked the way Erwin said things, he liked that Erwin was smart and taught him how to say words like ‘carnivores’. Where else was he going to learn shit like that?

“And you didn’t know where it went back?” Levi asked, immediately finding the shelf where it belonged. Erwin knew shit about words, but Levi’s mind was organised in a way his couldn’t be.

Erwin smiled. “I didn’t want to mess up your system.”

“Mm,” Levi hummed as he brought over the papers to Erwin’s desk. He gathered them neatly and placed them on the only available corner, which was only free because it was the farthest from where Erwin was sitting and the most difficult to reach. Erwin promised it was an organised chaos. Levi pretended to believe him.

Erwin sat back in his chair, reclining into it, folding his fingers together and placing his hands on his stomach. He considered Levi lazily and smiled.

“Any baby remarks today?” Erwin asked.

Levi nodded, lining up the rest of Erwin’s papers. It was late in the evening, Levi would fetch them dinner soon and sit with Erwin, who would read and write and scheme until his eyes closed on him, and Levi would attempt some shuteye maybe a couple of hours before Erwin came to bed. As he sat with Erwin, he would sew up holes in his or Erwin’s clothes, darn their socks, reorganise the letters Erwin had to respond to the next day, simple tasks that would occupy his mind in the quiet, comfortable companionship of his pseudo-husband.

“Someone said we would have good-looking children,” Levi said. “I wonder if many of the people here know what kind of career they’re getting into with the brains they’ve got.”

Erwin laughed gently. “Maybe they didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah, sure.” Levi scoffed. Levi obviously thought each life was precious, and the people who dedicated their lives to this profession were not easily thrown away like some people believed. Levi, however, still thought some of them were stupid. “Have you had an exciting day?”

“Not particularly.” Erwin sat up and ran a hand through his hair. It ruffled it a little, mussed its usually perfect nature. Levi resisted the urge to straighten it out. It wasn’t his place after all, and the two of them were allowed to see each other in less-than-perfect states. They were husbands, after all. “What is for dinner today?”

“No idea,” Levi said. “I’m sure it’ll be delicious.”

Erwin laughed lightly. “Your tone is always appreciated.”

Levi shrugged and entered their bedroom to change into more relaxed clothing given he was not going to be training any longer. He used to remain in his uniform at all times, sleep in it as well, but now that he was with the Commander and they had a nice bedroom instead of just the barracks, he liked changing and feeling more homely. It felt like a better routine, which Levi always craved, and it looked more domestic, which was always the image they were trying to construct about their marriage.

When Levi emerged after having changed, Erwin called him over and said, “I had a very interesting letter waiting for me when we returned, but I have only just opened it.”

Levi leaned on the corner of the desk and crossed his arms over his chest. Erwin had a small smile on his lips as he pushed the opened envelope towards Levi, who took it, fishing out the letter and unfolding it. It took Levi a moment to decipher the cursive but he let his eyes adjust and read the letter:

_Darling Erwin,_

_What a pleasure it was to have you visit us again. I do so wish the time you spent here was longer and more frequent, my dear. It breaks my heart to think of the conversations we used to have and how few we now hold together._

_I must say, I was surprised to see your husband join us given we have heard nothing of him before. I cannot say what impression of him was gathered here, but perhaps you should venture back and we can discuss him some more._

_Of course, some people were very upset that you returned to us and were a married man to begin with, and then grew more upset when ~~we~~ they saw that this husband of yours was a man we have never had the opportunity to meet and, therefore, approve of. We all know of the famous Levi Ackerman, he is the soldier to save all of humanity alongside your genius, but none of us were aware that your relationship was so much more than professional._

_How I wish we could have had a private moment together, to talk the way we always do. Please, find me again when you venture back here. I do so miss you, Mr. Smith._

_Loving regards,  
Samantha._

Levi read it twice before he looked back up at Erwin who was still reclined his chair, eyebrow raised and waiting for a reaction.

“Does she think I’m some cuckolded fuck?” Levi asked, blinking steadily.

Erwin laughed through his nose. “She claims no one had any time at all to gather any impression of you, so I could not say what she thinks.”

“I’m not a cuckold.”

Erwin laughed a little louder.

“Who the fuck does she think she is?” Levi said, tutting and folding the letter back up and throwing it onto the desk. Erwin did not immediately claim it, and Levi wondered if he had some sort of secret drawer where he kept these love letters. He wondered if Erwin wrote any back.

Erwin shrugged.

This strange ball of rage found its way to his stomach. It was not directed at Erwin, but he was a part of it, included in it. Something about this whole situation just didn’t make Levi feel content, and he did have some questions.

“Have you… had a relationship with her?” Levi asked.

“A relationship?”

“Did you fuck her?” Levi clarified. “You said you had fucked a couple of them from the Interior, been with a few. Is she one of them?”

Erwin furrowed his brow as he thought, and then he nodded. “Yes. Just once.”

Levi did not feel too pleased about this, but it was hard to pinpoint why. He had thought, from the second he met her, that Samantha was a bit of a bitch, but knowing she had now slept with his husband, it made the muscles in his shoulders work and knit together.

“How many others?” Levi asked.

Erwin thought again. Levi wasn’t sure if it was better or worse that it took Erwin a moment to think about how many of them he had lain with.

“Six, altogether,” he answered. “Only single encounters.”

“And you were attracted to them or…?”

“Well, it wasn’t for love,” Erwin said. “It was business, in a way.”

“You fucked to seal a deal?”

Erwin shrugged. “Not entirely. People, however, are more likely to say yes or allow you things if you know what they’re like at their most intimate. It was just business, really.”

Levi bit on his cheek as he thought about what to say next. He didn’t like Samantha, and he didn’t really like any of the people Erwin had been with, even if he didn’t know them whatsoever. Based purely on what he did know, which was really nothing at all, he rather despised them. “Do you see me like that?”

He would hate the idea that Erwin would view him in a similar regard to these other people. Yes, their marriage was entirely fake, but still, their other relationship, their friendship, that wasn’t fake. Levi detested the idea that he was comparable to these people who lusted after Erwin so publicly even though he was now married.

Erwin paused for a moment. “As a business venture?”

Levi nodded.

“Well… I see you as a friend, a confidant with which we have a mutually beneficial agreement. It’s not as false as what it was with them.”

“Okay.”

Erwin nodded and sat forward, claiming the letter in his hand but merely pulling it towards himself. Levi rather wished he would burn it, but felt strange for thinking it, and he knew he shouldn’t suggest it.

“So, obviously, I know you weren’t comfortable the entire time we spent there,” Erwin began. “I appreciate that the people, the place, the dinners, they were not something you wanted or something you care for, and I did not know that they would react that way towards you, and for that, I apologise.

“Obviously, we had a small detour. I do not think that sort of thing would happen again, but I know it also gave an impression of the place, and kept you there longer, much longer than you wished to be there to begin with.

“When Shadis was Commander, I used to go to these things with him, and I saw them for what they were. I despised them as you do, but saw them as a necessary evil. But I think, as time has gone on, I have become almost immune to them, complacent perhaps. I don’t want to say that I have forgotten what these people are like or that I happily ignore them in favour of necessity, but I do think you have reminded me, truly, what these sorts of things are, what these people are.

“Your sage advice is appreciated.” He said this with a smile.

“Now you’re making fun of me.”

“I’m not,” Erwin assured, his features level and blue eyes sincere. “I really appreciated having your company, but I also appreciate that you would not like to come along next time.”

Levi shifted, rolling his shoulders. “I don’t want you to suffer through it alone, though. Maybe, next time, more warning.”

Erwin laughed through his nose. “I can do that for you.”

Levi nodded and shifted his weight, getting ready to leave now the conversation was over, thinking food was finally being prepared. He also needed to be away from Erwin because it was odd to see him as this fuckable bachelor. He hated that the people in the Capital would also think of him in that way. Maybe he was fuckable, but he was no longer a bachelor, and everyone else had better start seeing that.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Levi?”

“Yeah, I’d like a raise.”

“A raise?”

“Yeah, ‘cause I deal with your bullshit.”

Erwin laughed. “I’ll take it into consideration.”

“Good.”

“Fetch us some dinner, husband dearest.” Erwin smirked.

Levi flipped him off as he left his office.

Levi gathered them both some dinner once it was being served, Hanji moving up the queue until they cut in beside Levi, which upset many people behind them, and started yabbering on about something or other. Levi did not know what they were saying, but he would much rather be beside Hanji than someone else who kept talking about babies.

Once he brought back the meals to the office, they ate in a companionable silence. Erwin still read and reread letters, and Levi tried not to taste too much of the broth they were given. He had gotten quite good at stomaching whatever there was to eat from his days in the Underground, so he knew how to deal with bad food. He had hoped that, upon coming above ground, he would be able to eat better, tastier food more regularly, but he knew he shouldn’t hope for anything, ever.

And Erwin continued to read and scheme, and Levi sewed up the seam of Erwin’s shirt where the arm was starting to come off, and then he retired to bed, Erwin promising to be in soon, though Levi knew it would be hours before he did come to bed. It was routine, and Levi loved routine.


	10. Chapter Ten

Simple scouting missions never remained just that. Erwin was allowed to fund these missions because he promised there would be no contact and no combat with any titans. He made the higherups believe this was possible because he was as wooing as he was, as charismatic as a person could be. But it was never a simple mission. Levi could count the number of times they had scouted like this and not seen a titan on a single hand, but Erwin was charming, and could convince anyone that, this time, it would be better, that they wouldn’t see a titan out there. It never went that way, but Erwin could convince the sun to take a day off.

Erwin was at the rear with the newest recruits, too precious to be at front for this mission. It would seem, to Levi, that this meant Erwin thought they would encounter titans, but of course, Erwin would tell no one that. Levi wished he would confide in him some more; it couldn’t be good to keep all that knowledge cooped up in his head. They were friends, Levi would happily listen to whatever Erwin had going on.

Levi was at the front, not because he wasn’t precious, but because he was their best, their strongest. Levi did not use those words on himself, refused them, in fact, but he knew he could fight, could kill titans. They had many capable soldiers, and Levi viewed every single one as important, which he knew sometimes differed in Erwin’s eyes. They disagreed on a lot really, but Erwin needed someone to reign him in and Levi needed someone to control his tempers. They were suited like that.

At the front, Levi could lead these soldiers and take out the most dangerous threats. They only spotted two titans, but any more than zero was hazardous, a very serious threat to life. Levi could eliminate the threats with the other skilled soldiers to keep everyone else safe.

This, sometimes, would make him wonder if he cared about his life. He was fighting to keep others safe. Was he fighting to keep himself safe? There was something about survival that was in Levi’s blood, engrained into him from his time with Kenny, from his time in Underground, and now from his time killing titans. He fought to survive, to keep others surviving, but that wasn’t the same as living, and that wasn’t the same as caring about his life.

Or was survival the same as caring, did fighting titans for a living, a major part of his life, mean he did care? Again, it meant he cared about the life of others because he fought to get this thing to stop, he wanted others to be able to live fully. Erwin did it because he wanted to know the truth, figure it all out. Hanji did it for the experiments, to know what a titan really was. Others had their own reasons. Levi couldn’t be sure any of them truly cared about living, but did the other recruits? Did he?

It was hard to categorise. He didn’t fight because he liked the thrill of it or for the adrenaline, and he didn’t grow scared when they approached. Instead, it was more like a need, a base desire to smite. But if he didn’t grow fearful and he didn’t do it for the thrill, did that mean he cared about his life? Would he care when he died? This job would kill him, there was no way it wouldn’t, but he wondered if it would upset him when he realised he was about to die. 

Survival was his life. Perhaps that demonstrated a base want to live. If you forced yourself to survive, if you forced yourself through things because you absolutely had to survive, did that not mean you wanted to live, that you did care about living? If he kept going, despite everything that wanted to halt him, did that not mean he cared?

It was not a conversation he cared to have or thoughts he cared to conjure, particularly not as he soared off his favoured horse. Perhaps that was why he did it; so he didn’t _have_ to think. Killing titans didn’t require many thoughts. It required action. Levi preferred action to thinking, he had never been good at the latter. The former always made more sense to him. Erwin was the thinker in this relationship, a professional one of course. Their friendship was like that too, but nothing else. Their relationships were professional and platonic, that was it.

The two titans were easy to kill. Levi took them out swiftly, one after the other without any necessary assistance. They were only small, and he sliced their necks open until they steamed and collapsed, deceased and ridden from this world. He sliced through them like their napes were warm butter, and steam riddled his clothes where the blood had spattered. He would still wash these clothes even if the blood did disappear; he couldn’t function in them when they had been used, even if the remnants of blood did not stain.

He landed steadily, his feet sinking into the grass. Cleaning his blades, he then whistled for his horse, a distance away from the main group. They were a touch far, but Levi, as a solo rider, would be able to catch up.

As his horse galloped to his side, diverting herself from the main group, Levi took this chance to stare out at the land before him. They were a few figures on the horizon, travelling towards the sound that rolled through the hills, but they would be back within the safety of the Walls by the time the figures reached the area. Well, they would be as safe as they could be. Were they ever truly safe? Was anywhere really that secure?

As he stared, he supposed this was why he did it, this was why he fought. Seeing the birds soaring freely in the blue canvas above, seeing the rolling hills, the freedom of space, this was why Levi lived. He had promised this life for Farlan and for Isabel, and he had stolen it from them. This, really, was a part of his survival; it was for them. He had to live because he had taken their lives and their freedom. He had to survive, live, for them. Maybe there was a part of him that cared about life, but not about his own.

He caught up with the others easily once back atop his horse. He rode up front, passing everyone else, feeling them watch his movement. He caught eyes with Erwin, who nodded at him. Levi just rode ahead. He liked being at the front. He didn’t care to lead but he could make it safer for others. Was that caring about his life? Levi didn’t care to know the answer.

Once they were back within safety, Levi fed his horse a handful of oats. Whilst they had met titans out there and that meant a bad report, zero casualties was the best result they could ever hope for. Erwin was practically giddy whenever he could write zero deaths on his report. He would run back to his office with the highest-ranking officers to debrief and get writing to the higherups for more funding and to praise the good work the Corps was doing. Levi should have been with them in the debriefing, but he liked to stay with the horses. Horses were much simpler than humans.

He stroked her muzzle, stretching his neck back and forth. Soaring through the air was a delight few would ever get to experience, but it was no good for the body. He would have to stretch well tonight, which he would do in the privacy of his room. Erwin might be there, but he didn’t exactly count. He was Erwin.

The atmosphere was damn joyful, no casualties did that to everyone, instilled mirth within their bones. It wasn’t something they got to say often. People loved good news, but Levi just wanted to stretch. Celebration wasn’t his style.

He next saw Erwin when he was bringing their dinner to the office. There was a collection of meat and vegetables this time, and no broth. A fucking treat.

He said this much to Erwin when he gave him his food.

“People are happy,” Erwin said.

“Ah, so they keep the meat and cheeses for when they’re happy. Noted.” Levi pulled a chair up to the desk so he could eat on a stable surface. Erwin had learned that, for dinner, he should clear some space so Levi could eat with him. It was routine. Levi loved routine. “You’re also happy.”

“Zero casualties, more funds. There’s much we need to try, and it is only possible when we can report good news. So, yes, I am happy.”

“Don’t see it very often.”

“Do you think I’m… grumpy?”

Levi shrugged with one shoulder.

There was quiet for a moment, but Levi didn’t think anything of it. He just kept eating. The meat was hot, and whilst it did almost burn his mouth, the flavours were much better. He also had to concentrate because table manners weren’t a true talent of his, and he had used cutlery incorrectly for a lot of his life. He trusted Erwin not to judge him, but he still wanted to pay attention to what he was doing.

“Is that a common perception of me?” Erwin asked.

Levi looked up at him, furrowing his brow. “Are you self-conscious?” He placed another piece of meat on his tongue and waited for Erwin’s answer.

“Certainly not,” Erwin said. He ran his hand through his hair, mussing it. Levi resisted reaching over and smoothing it out. “I just suppose I didn’t ever think people would view me as having a trait such as grumpy.”

“I don’t think people think you’re grumpy,” Levi said. “I do. But I know you.”

Erwin laughed through his nose.

“People think I’m grumpy,” Levi said. He knew his reputation. It did not bother him. Very little did. Whatever people thought of him was on them. Whether it was true or not, Levi couldn’t give less of a shit. It didn’t matter what people thought of him, it mattered what he did, how he acted. If people thought he was grumpy, so what? People’s preconceptions didn’t change a thing about who he actually was, so it didn’t matter.

“Just _think_?” Erwin asked with a sly smile.

Levi gave him a look and continued eating. “Does this happiness mean you’ll come to bed at a regular time?”

Erwin hummed noncommittally. “I want these sent off first thing this morning so…”

“So no.”

Erwin threw him a casual smile and then went back to what he was reading. Levi wondered how he functioned with as little sleep as he got.

They settled into their evening routine, Erwin writing until his wrist was sore and reading until his eyes hurt, and Levi brought his chair back to where it sat against the wall and started to darn some socks. Erwin never darned his socks, and Levi had so many of his to get through. He was such a pain.

When Levi settled for bed, he bid his husband goodnight and washed his face and changed his clothes. He knew Erwin was going to be hours, so he settled in to claim some sleep, knowing he wouldn’t be getting much. Something about Erwin possibly coming to bed and not being in bed irked Levi’s insomnia something fierce. It was probably because his brain was waiting so he could settle properly, like it couldn’t rest because it was waiting for Erwin to come in and sleep, complete the routine.

He managed a couple of fitful hours, tossing and turning, always glancing at the gap at the bottom of the door to see how light it was, see if the candles were still burning in the office. The light would be dim, but considering the darkness of their bedroom, it was visible. Levi found himself watching it, drifting and waking up still seeing that light.

Once or twice before, when it had been too many hours, Levi had gone through to the office and demanded Erwin come to bed. It couldn’t be healthy for him, and Levi, as his husband, had to demand he take better care of himself. If people started to see heavy circles under his eyes, they would blame the relationship, not the work. Levi demanded Erwin come to bed both because of his insomnia and because they had an image to protect.

Thankfully, Levi didn’t have to do it this time. He truly felt like a nagging husband when he had to fetch him. He was in that light kind of sleep where sounds were distorted and he felt like he was floating when Erwin came through the door. He bore a candle, almost completely burnt out, and he closed the door quietly behind him. Levi still stirred, but he appreciated the lengths Erwin went to so he remained quiet.

Upon seeing Levi having woken, Erwin said, “Sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”

Levi nodded. “Not your fault. Insomnia’s acting up.”

Erwin was used to this now, so he nodded and started to get ready for bed. Levi didn’t mean to watch him as he changed, his eyes were just focused there, and Erwin’s movements were hypnotising to his tired mind.

Levi was meticulous when he undid his clothing, performing a routine of undressing. Erwin had no such routine. Each night, he did it differently, which was intriguing in its own way. Tonight, after having obviously forgotten his jacket in the office, which Levi would have chided him for if he wasn’t so exhausted, Erwin did it differently again. Parts of the uniform dictated a way it had to be removed, but Erwin managed to change it up regularly.

He never undid the straps entirely either, just pushed them off his shoulders and let the chest strap slip down to his waist. It made it so much more difficult. He was an idiot. Tonight, he forgot to remove his bolo tie first, just started unbuttoning his shirt. When he untucked his shirt and remembered his tie, he pulled it off and put it lazily on the windowsill. Levi would have chided him for that too but he was distracted, for just a moment. As he pushed back the curtain to reach the windowsill, where Levi knew he would forget his tie in the morning, the moonlight poured into the room, elongating Erwin’s eyelashes and making his olive tone shimmer where it was revealed on his throat and chest. It illuminated him, and Levi watched as it was then stolen away when the curtain fell back into place.

Erwin undid the rest of his clothing, Levi just watching, semi-entranced in this sleepy state. He had seen him shirtless, just in his undergarments countless times now, was used to it. He knew his body, knew those lines and curves, the circle of his hips, the length of his waist. He knew the V that dipped below his waistband, and the hair that lay across his body, the wide set of his thighs and, if he was being honest, the curve of his ass too.

It was hard not to appreciate Erwin’s body. It was obvious why everyone flirted with him in the Interior, why everyone lusted so obviously after him. Those damn blue eyes and that build of his, sweptback blonde hair, the way the uniform and suits sat on him, were tailored for him, it was impossible to ignore. Levi got to see him almost naked, saw him emerge from the shower with a wet chest and wet hair, dripping, which Levi chastised him for. Water was meant for the bathroom, not the bedroom. But Levi got to see him more than any of the others, apart from those he had slept with obviously. Levi tried not to think about those people though, it didn’t sit right with him for some reason.

Part of him wanted Erwin to open the curtains again so the moonlight might touch him, grace him with its ethereal, loving presence. He wouldn’t, and Levi knew that, there was no need to, and he also wasn’t sure where that urge came from, but it was there. This strange feeling attempted to reach the surface, but Levi buried it deeper than from where it had originated, and then closed his eyes before Erwin could catch him.

He went to sleep with this strange feeling, stirring much less when Erwin was settled beside him, sleeping better when they were next to each other, safe.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Levi had put his back out. The recruits were new and they needed training. Levi hated training them because he was not a good teacher. He was forever reminded of teaching Farlan and Isabel how to use the gear. He had no patience with them, even though he willed himself to be kind, to teach them better, to be a caring teacher, it wasn’t him. He wondered if that was Kenny’s fault, but he definitely did not care to think about Kenny.

He had tried being patient with these newbies, but now his back and shoulders were killing him. The amount of times he had had to swoop in and save them because they were going to collide with a tree or were plummeting towards the ground with immense speed, it was ridiculous. It was only the training course, but newbies were newbies.

His back had begun to hurt early in the training, but it was put out completely when he had had to swoop in and save one of the girls because she hadn’t released the gear properly and hadn’t connected with anything. Levi had had to race ahead and catch her before she collided with the ground, possibly breaking multiple bones or dying, either was quite plausible. It wasn’t entirely her fault, she was new and still learning, but Levi had jolted his back upon landing, and he knew he had done some damage. It wouldn’t put him out for weeks, but perhaps a couple of days. He hated being out at all, but if he pushed himself, he would be out for weeks, and that just wasn’t something his mind or soul could take.

After walking with his strained back to Erwin’s office that evening, he walked straight through and into the bedroom, slowly removing his jacket and then lying down on the bed. Taking the pressure off was a sweet relief, and he sighed quietly as he closed his eyes.

He hadn’t greeted Erwin, as he usually didn’t, but his demeanour probably caused Erwin to think something was up. It wasn’t usual for Levi to lie down in the evening, so Erwin had probably guessed something was awry. Levi heard him stand and walk towards the bedroom door but he didn’t open his eyes. He still had his boots on, and he would have whacked Erwin if it were the other way around, but Levi didn’t have it in him to remove his boots. He just wanted the pressure off his back.

“Something wrong?” Erwin asked, his dulcet tones rumbling through the room. Levi still didn’t bother opening his eyes. “I know you’re not fond of training the recruits, but you’re our best and I think they get inspired when you train them. Particularly if they’ve heard how superb you are beforehand.”

“Mm,” Levi hummed, not wanting to move an inch for fear of putting his back in more pain.

There was a pause and then he heard Erwin step further into the room. His voice, when he spoke next, was just above Levi, so he was very close. “Are you all right? Did someone backtalk or not do press-ups when you demanded it of them? Did someone leave a speck of dust where you had specifically told them to clean?”

“Mm,” Levi hummed again.

There was a moment of pause before Erwin said, “Levi, I’m growing a little concerned.”

“It’s just my back, Erwin. I’m not dying,” Levi said.

“What happened?”

“Catching people and a billion emergency landings just hurt, that’s all. My shoulders ache and my back is thrown, so I need to lie down. Hopefully forever so I don’t have to train them again. Maybe I’ll put in a formal request. Perhaps, as my husband, you will be lenient and accept my request.”

“Are you in a lot of pain? Do you need to see a doctor?” Erwin ignored Levi’s sarcasm, which Levi was quite used to, really.

“Doctors are redundant.”

“That is so, very, highly not true.” Erwin sat beside Levi, the bed dipping where he placed himself. Levi moaned a little, not because it hurt but because Erwin was annoying and taking up his space. “I can get the doctor here instead if you’d prefer it. It can be more private than in the infirmary.”

“It’s just my back and shoulders. I’m not dying.”

“It might still be good to have someone take a look. They’ll have a lot more information than I do, and I don’t want you to be in any serious danger.”

Levi opened one eye. “I need to lie down for a couple of days, that’s all. In a perfect world, a massage too, but I don’t care to be touched, so I’m going to lie down, and you best bring me dinner.”

“A massage?”

Levi closed his eyes and shrugged, wincing for just a moment. “In a perfect world.”

“I can give you a massage.”

Levi opened both his eyes. “Let’s not be ridiculous.”

“I can, if you need it. I’ve been told I’m quite good.”

Levi blinked at him a few times, slowly. “You’d be touching me...”

“Well, let’s not make it sound strange,” Erwin said with a small smile. “And yes, unfortunately, as I don’t think you can get massages without being touched.”

Levi considered him for a moment. “You’d take a break from writing?”

Erwin nodded.

There was another pause.

“I promise I’m very good.” Erwin smiled.

Levi was not a fan of being touched. He wasn’t sure from where it originated; maybe from the Underground and how unhygienic it was; maybe from Kenny saying everyone might be a danger so it was safest to keep everyone away; maybe from a small self-loathing, who knew, it could be a thousand things. Erwin was his husband, and he trusted him, but it still meant being touched.

“I’ll be a gentleman,” Erwin assured.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It was a joke,” Erwin said. “Perhaps a poor one.”

“Don’t tell jokes. It doesn’t suit you.”

Erwin laughed through his nose. “Massage or not?”

“Who is it that’s told you you’re so great at them?” Levi asked.

“I never massage and tell.” He smiled.

Levi swallowed thickly and asked, “What do I do?”

“Lie on your front, I will sit by your side and rub your shoulders and back,” Erwin explained. He added, “Gently.”

Levi nodded. As he went to, slowly, turn himself over, Erwin added, “It might be best to remove your straps.”

Levi stilled, halfway sitting up with his hands behind him. “What about my shirt as well? Trousers too?”

Erwin laughed and shook his head. “It’s more for you. They might be adding more pressure, and it’ll be easier to ease your tension.”

Levi was still hesitant, but this was Erwin he was talking about. They had been half-naked around each other plenty of times now, so Levi wasn’t worried about having Erwin touch his body, it was just, he didn’t care to be _touched_. Without the straps, there were only two rather thin layers between his body and Erwin’s hands, and that was… a lot to consider.

“You don’t have to,” Erwin said when Levi remained still and silent. “I just wonder-.”

“It’s fine,” Levi said, and he sat up fully and began to undo his straps so they hung loosely around him. He then turned himself over, which was no easy feat as his shoulders ached and everything else kept twinging like knives piercing into his back. He wished the newbies were more trained before they came to the Corps. Erwin better be good at this or Levi was going to kill him.

He was quite tense; he could feel the hard line of his body even before Erwin put his hands on him. The quiet moments between being untouched and then touched were so desperately unpleasant. Levi hated waiting.

Then Erwin’s hands were on his shoulders, and Levi grew tenser.

“I don’t have to,” Erwin said, keeping his hands on Levi’s shoulders but no longer moving them. “I don’t want you to be tenser than you were before.”

Levi shifted under Erwin’s hand, but nodded, and forced himself to relax, which was a fairly impossible task. “Just do it. We’ll see how good you are.”

He heard Erwin laugh quietly, and then he began to massage Levi’s back. Levi did his best to unlace his shoulder blades, but then wasn’t that Erwin’s job now? Erwin had to ease his tensions, so Levi could do some of the work, but Erwin had to do the rest.

His hands were actually… not that terrible at the job. There was a firm pressure to his palms and wrists, forcing Levi’s muscles into submission, but it was also gentle, not pushing enough to bruise. His large, commanding hands could woo even Levi’s tense body, it would seem.

Slowly but surely, Levi’s body did relax into Erwin’s touch. A lot of Levi’s instincts went against innate trust, but there truly was something about Erwin, about his mind, his schemes, his gambles that always paid off, it just made trusting him easy. This trust followed even into something as base as a massage.

Levi wondered how many massages Erwin had given to be told he was quite good at the act. He wondered how often Erwin doled them out to willing subjects to gain what he wished from them. Did he become good at massaging purely to coerce people into giving him what he needed; funds, power, the ability to coerce further? Did he train himself purely for scheming needs, or was it something he was naturally gifted at?

Because he was certainly fucking good at it. Levi’s shoulders lowered, his back eased, and his chest no longer felt tight. Erwin’s hands moved from the tense line in his shoulders, and down towards his back and waist. He worked lower and lower, with the strength of his large hands to work out the tension and knots that he had accumulated over the years. Levi did not intend on making this a regular thing, and he was sure one massage wasn’t going to relax his entire back, but it might be good for him.

Once Erwin’s hands reached the straps around Levi’s hips, he stopped. Levi wasn’t sure if he would have let Erwin continue, if he would have said or done anything if his hands had gone lower.

Neither said anything for a moment, and the bed shifted as Erwin stood. Levi swallowed and turned his head to look at Erwin.

“I’ll fetch us some dinner,” Erwin said into the quiet of the room. “Would you like it in here?”

Typically, Levi thought eating in bed disgusting. When they had been in Underground, Isabel constantly complained about the rats in her room, and Levi pointed out that it was because she constantly ate in bed and they were drawn to all her crumbs.

But the thought of having to sit up in a chair and eat properly made his back twinge. He nodded, and Erwin left to collect their dinner as Levi took some time to turn around and sit up in bed. He would have Erwin clean the bed to make sure there were no crumbs because Levi, whilst hating rest, knew he needed it.

Erwin actually joined him in their bedroom as Levi ate. He had expected Erwin to be at his desk, writing and eating as he always did, but he sat with Levi in bed. Levi did his best to avoid dropping any crumbs and noted Erwin did not take the same caution. It wasn’t that he was careless, it was just difficult eating in bed, and Levi watched the crumbs roll down and land on their sheets. Levi instantly picked them up, though the reaching out did make his back twinge. He felt more relaxed following the massage, but it needed time.

Erwin was actually quite doting, which Levi hadn’t been entirely expecting. Given Levi relied on him over the next couple of days, it made him better at remembering when to eat, and he fetched meals in an entirely timely manner. This was obviously aided because he was allowed to skip to the front of the queue as the Commander, but still, it was almost pleasant to be doted on. He never expected such a life, and never really wanted it either because he liked a life of substance, but a couple of days of lethargy weren’t to be passed up.

Erwin also attempted to make Levi’s tea the way he liked it. It was no perfect creation, but Levi’s heart was oddly… warmed by the thought that Erwin wanted to comfort Levi with his own teas. He drank Erwin’s attempts all the same, even if he usually took them with less milk.

He even received a couple more massages as well, and Erwin ran him a hot bath. Baths were not used all that often, particularly not in the Corps as they were such an extortionate use of water, but when his back was paining, the steam and heat appeased his tense muscles. The heat soothed the feeling of glass that pierced his shoulders, and was a sweet, delectable relief.

Again, he would make no habit of the life, but a couple of days of relaxation, no training, no teaching, no newbies, food being brought to him and receiving even a few massages, that was no life to complain about.

He could imagine people playing it up for a few extra days to receive the treatment for a while longer, but Levi himself couldn’t even think about doing something like that. Levi loathed sitting idle, and even when Erwin told him he must rest, he got up to walk about because he hated sitting on his ass. He wanted to get back to work, start functioning again. Sitting idle made even the idea of training the recruits desirable. Anything to not be sitting down, even if resting meant Erwin doted on him.

The morning he awoke without his back feeling taut, he sighed. Erwin had gotten up already, Levi having stirred when he slipped out of the bed and dressed, decidedly not watching him this time, but falling back to sleep. He got another couple of hours and, once awake, he stared at the ceiling, testing out the feeling of his back, checking in the aches contained within his body.

Figuring he was healed, or at least as healed as he might ever be given the career he had chosen and the lives they all led, he stood and stretched his neck. He was giving his back every moment to ruin his day, but it seemed it had done what it had intended. It could be weeks, even months before it happened again, which Levi did not doubt that it would.

Once he dressed and emerged from the bedroom, Erwin’s head slowly looked up at the door as it opened. His hair was swept back and his blue eyes were piercing, and Levi swallowed thickly as he leaned against the door, crossing his arms.

Erwin looked him up and down, swiftly, and then asked, “How are you feeling today?”

“Better.” He looked around the room, noticing the lack of food or trays. Either Erwin had forgotten about breakfast, or he anticipated Levi being better today and didn’t fetch it. Levi didn’t think it was the latter, but it was always possible. “Do you want me to go to the mess hall?”

Blinking as if he did finally remember that mornings came with food to wake the brain and body, Erwin then said, “I can go.”

“Don’t bother,” Levi told him, straightening. “I could use the exercise.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mm,” Levi uttered, walking towards the door. “Seems only fair.”

“I was happy to care for you,” Erwin said quietly as the door closed behind him, and Levi pretended he did not hear him. It sat strangely in his chest, and he could not be sure what to do with it.

There were a few comments as he made his way to collect food, but Levi ignored them all. He was good at ignoring people, pretending he was too focused on the task at hand, walking through the halls and not giving anyone any satisfaction when they asked what Levi had been doing in bed for the past few days.

It was a little harder when he was in line as he couldn’t run off. Whilst he very well could have just ignored them, stare into the distance and space out, it probably wasn’t the greatest impression to give. He already had a distinct reputation amongst the members of the Corps, and he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to constantly add to that. There was a distinct difference between fear and respect, and Levi felt he had the latter, but it would be easy to slip into the former if he was unapproachable. He rather would like to be unapproachable, but he knew that that might not be entirely fair. He was the Commander’s husband, Erwin had even mentioned training him to be a Captain, though Levi wasn’t sure about that idea. He couldn’t be unapproachable, not to the members of the Corps. He could and decidedly would be unapproachable to everyone who wasn’t in the Corps, but it wasn’t fair to do that to those with whom he worked.

So, instead of ignoring people, Levi responded with saying he had just taken a couple of days to himself. He didn’t want to tell everyone he sometimes had back problems because that felt like a personal revelation, and whilst he wanted to be approachable, somewhat, to those in the Corps, that didn’t mean they could know shit about him. He told them merely that he had had to rest, and did not comment when they asked if Erwin was a part of that resting.

Levi detested it that everyone thought he and Erwin were fucking. He didn’t know if it was entirely appropriate that they made such comments, let alone _to_ him, but _about_ Erwin as well, it just felt wrong. He was the Commander, the highest-ranking soldier in the Corps, should they really be saying shit like that, and to Levi who was his husband? It was one thing to make those comments behind their backs, but it was another entirely to say that shit to Levi’s face.

But he just simply didn’t reply, and made his way along the queue to gather his and Erwin’s food.

It was always such a sweet relief when he could grab their trays and exit. He could exit conversations midway, he could ignore people in the hallway, and he could take solace in having purely Erwin’s company. Erwin was so much fucking easier to deal with, and given Erwin had doled out massages now, Levi actually felt him even easier company. His companionship was always going to be preferable, and the rest of the Corps already knew that, but they thought it was do with lust and romance, and, _obviously_ , that couldn’t possibly be true. Levi didn’t have romantic feelings for Erwin. There was no way that was possible. No way at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have another oneshot that is literally about Erwin massaging Levi because I adore the concept, so I threw it in here as well, and I hope you all enjoyed it :P x


	12. Chapter Twelve

The next scouting mission had been claimed as a venture outside the Walls to see how far they could go before they became too surrounded by titans. It was, to those funding it, meant to see how far they could travel, how far they could see, venture beyond the Walls and see what lay out there.

In reality, it was to capture a titan for another of Hanji’s crucial experiments. All those ranking higher within the Corps knew the truth, but lower ranking members were unaware. Levi was never a fan of that, of when members of the team weren’t completely aware of what was happening, but he had to trust Erwin knew what he was doing. Erwin was much better at gambling lives away than Levi was. In fact, Levi would rather never gamble with lives, but Erwin, as the Commander, had the authority, and Levi would just follow his lead.

In terms of the formation, Levi would have preferred to be closer to Erwin because Erwin could be so fucking reckless, but Levi was to the right whereas Erwin was near the front with Hanji, making the decisions. Levi knew Erwin’s mind could work quickly and that he adjusted well to challenges. But things could always go so wrong at the front, and Levi really wished he was there, to aid, to help any quick decisions that were, almost definitely, going to be made.

Once they had left the security of the Walls, they spread out into their formation and Levi quickly lost sight of Erwin. He had three members to his team, and he focused on their lives instead of the fact he wished Erwin was nearer. Erwin was obviously capable of looking after himself, but still, Levi wanted him to be safe.

For the first hour, things were fine. The formation stayed in place, smoke signals were fired to keep everyone aware of who was where. Levi didn’t know the plan of how they were going to capture a titan, how the smoke signals might be used to aid that, but he was just keeping his small team alive, watching out for smoke signals and diverting them where they needed to go.

But things never went well for long. Levi couldn’t depend on much, but he could always depend on that.

The first sign that shit was going awry was when Erwin appeared on their left. Erwin was, technically, to their left, but he was meant to be ahead, and he was now lagging behind. He shouldn’t even be visible at all, and yet here he was. Levi was glad to see him, but also… this meant things were not going to plan.

There were then smoke signals from all around; there was a green from what looked like Hanji, and then three purple from amongst the hills and one in a cluster of trees, two red in front of Levi, and even a black just behind them.

What a shitshow.

It was absolute carnage after that. The formation was in ruins, and they couldn’t double back to get to the Walls because they were too far out and two abnormals emerged from their previous path. Other titans came from all around them, either drawn to their sound, smell, or the fucking signals that flared and covered the sky. Levi’s head began to pound, his mind clicking into decision-making mode because he had to keep his team alive.

He was a touch distracted because Erwin was about, and Levi had to keep him alive as well. He was capable of doing both, as long as he could get nearer Erwin, but it wouldn’t be smart to get everyone into a huddle in the middle. That would make them easy pickings for the incoming titans. Levi intended to keep as many alive as possible, and not grouping everyone together was the way to do that.

But he also had a priority to keep the Commander alive. If it came down to it, and it was his team versus Erwin, he didn’t actually know who he would choose? It might be Erwin, but that wouldn’t sit too pleasantly in his heart.

In the end, he didn’t have to make that decision because an abnormal, faster than regular titans, bounded towards them, cresting the hill they were below. His team that contained two new recruits got spooked at the speed of the abnormal. Normally, they might be able to divert course and escape a regular titan, but abnormals’ trajectory was impossible to ascertain, and their speed couldn’t be accounted for. And so, spooked now, one of the new recruits, named Arnel, broke formation and ran in the opposite direction. Levi called for him to stay, but no amount of training could prepare anyone for the reality of titans before you.

“You two, stay with me,” Levi demanded. Ippa, the other new member, was looking directly at Arnel, who was slowly becoming smaller and smaller. Levi knew continuing their current path was slightly horrifying considering they were in the direct line of an abnormal, but he needed to make those decisions, and he couldn’t let anyone else get away. Formulating the only plan he could fathom that might work, he said, “We’ll stay the path, and when I say so, I will go left, you two, go right. We can’t account for who it might follow, but maybe the two diverted parties will confuse it enough to keep it running.”

Neither of them answered, but Levi had to accept that, for now, they understood. His only hope was that, either the abnormal wasn’t that interested in them and would go for a huddle of more people, or it would be distracted. If it went for Levi, perfect. If it went for the other two, Levi could use them as a distraction and come up behind the abnormal to kill it.

He could feel his comrades faltering. Who really wanted to run, head-on, into an abnormal titan? They really had few other choices. Other titans littered the fields and hills, small groups of Scout Regiment folks attempting to flee or fight, and Levi knew they had to deal with this on their own. He couldn’t even glance about for Erwin. Not until this was dealt with.

Once within a few metres, Levi told them to divert, the thunderous footsteps of the beast approaching echoing through Levi’s mind. He focused on nothing but how close they could get before they had to move, knowing his reactions would be quicker than his team and calculating that into it as well.

The abnormal went for his team instead of him, and he could see the fear in their eyes as it skirted to a stop, changed directions, and bolted for the other two. Levi willed them to stay together, willed them to understand that he would come to their rescue, but how could they truly know that? Even if they did think Levi might aid them, fear could be so obstructive. Levi knew how to cut through his fear to find rationale, but not everyone had that ability.

He pulled on his horse’s reigns, directing her towards the abnormal that bounded, carefree but set on the two frightened members of his team. Their pathing wasn’t straight, but at least they were not parting from each other.

Using his ODM as he got close enough to the abnormal, he sunk his gear into the titan's back, banking it would be too focused on the two in front to take much note of him. Carnage filled the air around them, screams and wails. As he soared towards the beast, he listened for Erwin’s voice, his commanding tones telling everyone what they must do, but he could not hear him, not through any of the screams of the frightened and those already captured by enormous hands.

His two teammates could not see Levi, they were just fleeing for their lives, slower now as they began to ascend a hill, but Levi drew closer to the beast and, before it had the chance to notice his presence, he spun and sliced clean through its neck. Abnormals could be more difficult to work out, but they could easily be killed when distracted.

Immediately, the creature stumbled and crashed to the ground as Levi landed softly in the grass, smothered in its steaming blood. He took a few seconds to ground himself, glancing at his surroundings. He called for his teammates to come back, but his voice did not carry, and they continued to run, cresting the hill and disappearing from view.

Levi thought he should either chase them, or attempt to slaughter some more. The cries and screams would be calling more of the beasts to their current whereabouts, so it was likely best to retreat. They were far from the Walls, but if Levi and the others could slaughter a few, it increased their chances of survival.

Whistling for his horse, he looked out for Erwin again, and spotted him in the distance, no longer with Hanji but seemingly with Mike. This boded well, and whilst he could not spot Hanji, he was sure they were safe, they were chaotic enough that they could often be in sync with the titans. He would go to Erwin and Mike now, killing titans along the way.

A few, steaming dead already littered the ground, but so did a few bodies of his comrades. He ignored the vile heat that crawled its way to his throat at the sight of the dead and leapt atop his steed when she arrived.

As he diverted her to Erwin, he crossed paths with a number of titans that were easily slayed. He did not have close calls, but that could not be the said for his comrades. The sounds of snapping bone and shortened, halted cries filled the air like a monstrous symphony, echoing through his mind. Erwin was the singular driving force that pushed him forward, enabling the swift kills of titans as he went.

Just before he reached Erwin, he saw there was blood pooling down his face. Some sort of wound had been accrued, hidden in the depths of his blonde, now unkempt hair, and running down his face.

This vile, raging heat found its way to Levi’s throat again, his heart constricting in his chest. Had a titan somehow gotten to him? Had he fallen from his horse? Who the fuck had injured him?

This foul rage extinguished every thought in Levi’s mind except for Erwin, and he slaughtered four more titans before he could get closer.

Once again, he landed atop his horse and rode closer to Erwin, clinging only to the knowledge that, whilst injured and bleeding, he was still alive. This injury had not killed him, and that was the only solace Levi took in this hellish situation. Everyone was scattered, there were dead on the ground, soaking the grass in red, and more titans had to be drawing near.

Reaching Erwin, he went to ask what the fuck they were planning so they could escape with as many alive as possible when another titan, the tallest of them yet, bounded into the chaos, separating everyone into even smaller groups. Where there had been a rigid formation, there was nothing now, and it constantly broke down further.

Erwin told Mike to gather the soldiers, begin a retreat to the Walls. He told him to collect Hanji, split into smaller groups, and he fired the blue flare. Levi and Erwin would gather the stragglers and perform as a distraction. Levi bit back how Erwin also should be retreating as he was injured and he was the Commander. It probably was for the best if they stuck together because it meant Levi could be with him, protect him.

Of course, as they began this task of retreat, it meant Erwin and Levi grew further and further from the safety of the Walls. Levi gathered his team, though he could not find Arnel and hoped desperately that he had already retreated into a safe group. More titans began to litter the ground as Erwin and Levi acted as a distraction. Erwin remained on the ground, drawing them towards him, and Levi would take out any that veered too close to his husband.

But they drew further and further away from the Walls. They gathered a few stragglers, put injured on spare horses when they had the time, attempted to gather any dead, but that was a touch difficult. Maybe they could do that on the way back, but Levi didn’t know when that was going to be. They couldn’t turn now because more titans were coming to the chaos they were leaving behind. They could attempt an enormous arc, but it would be beyond late by the time they reached the Walls. Nightfall could be a time of safety, but it was also fucking dangerous, it a razor edge of which way it could fall.

Instead, they rode ahead, serving as a sort of distraction, drawing titans away from those retreating, but riding fast to escape them. The horses would soon be exhausted, and Levi’s fury at the fact Erwin was bleeding and at all the dead bodies meant he too would be exhausted, and they had no plan.

“What are we doing?” Levi asked over his shoulder, Erwin just a touch behind him. He was going to go fucking in on him when they were safer, but he was not going to go into it now. It would make him too fucking furious.

The sun was beginning to sink, turning from a bright yellow to an orange haze, the turn to an aging day. They were still riding away from the Walls. If they attempted to return now, it would be the depths of night before they reached the Walls. He really hoped Erwin had a plan because Levi’s mind was burning from rage, and it wouldn’t let him think.

“I’m trying to formulate something,” Erwin answered.

Levi wanted to ask if his fucking head injury was preventing him from formulating clear thoughts, but decided against it. His rage would not help in this situation. They needed to be within safety, and he had to let Erwin think.

A few more minutes of silent riding passed, and they spotted a copse of trees in the distance, housing some cottages. The sun sank lower and lower, closing in on the horizon. They had lost the titans, but who knew if they were going to be safe for long. Nothing lasted in this world, and Levi couldn’t depend on the distance they had put between themselves and those that would try to eat them.

Sensing Levi’s thoughts, Erwin said, “It’s our best bet.”

“We’re miles from the Walls,” Levi said, but continued to ride in the direction of these cottages. Levi had no idea how there were buildings out here, they had to be abandoned now, but for how long, and who lived out here before?

“We can’t double back,” Erwin said. “There’s no way we would make it.”

Obviously, Levi knew that. It was possible Levi could make it, protecting Erwin along the way. But the horses wouldn’t last, and the day was growing old, too old. Levi hadn’t even felt they had been out for too long, but the hours had passed and it would soon be an aged evening. It was, really, their only option, but it didn’t sit well with him. They were in the fucking wild, and the wild was the least safe place they could be.

Once they drew up to the cottages, they dismounted and looked for the best one. The copse was actually larger than Levi had anticipated, verging nearly into forest territory. Large titans would struggle to enter, but they would have to be wary of the small fuckers.

There was about half a dozen cottages arranged towards the opening of this small forest. Some were in awful disarray, windows smashed, doors hanging off hinges, holes in rooftops. Whether they had been attacked or just left to rot and fall apart, Levi couldn’t tell, but they decided on one nearly covered completely in the forest, the farthest from the entrance. An owl sat on its roof, observing them as the sky was swept with darkness. The ominous call followed them as they tied their horses to a tree beside their chosen cottage.

They entered, pushing the door open gently. Levi listened for the scurrying of creatures, for any people that might also be hiding here, but it was silent. Of course, the owl continued its calling, louder now they were inside, but nothing else sounded from inside the dark interior of the cottage.

Walking through, the entrance being the kitchen, Erwin took the ground floor, and Levi carefully walked upstairs. He took his blades out, just to be safe. It was dark inside as the sun began to take its rest below the horizon, but his eyes slowly adjusted to the lack of light. He had been out of practice, it had been much easier when he had lived Underground because, even in the light, it was dim as fuck down there. But he had a predisposition to the dark, and so he was sure his eyes adjusted better than Erwin’s downstairs.

There were three rooms upstairs, bedrooms, and not in that much of disarray. Sheets still sat on the beds, a couple of teddy bears in the smaller rooms, doors hung tight to their hinges, though they creaked when Levi pushed them open. There were a few items on the floor, and one of the windows did have a crack through it, and Levi thought he saw animal droppings in some corners, but other than that, there was nothing. Just the eerie sense that people had once been here before, and now nothing remained.

Immediately after they had inspected all the rooms, Levi descended the stairs with a couple of the cleanest sheets he could find, and took Erwin’s wrist. Asking where the living area was, Erwin told him, and Levi pulled him towards the seats, pushing him down so he was now sat. Erwin did not fight and did as he was directed. The fury was ebbing into something else, and Levi needed this dealt with.

Stood in front of him now, Levi grabbed a sheet, ripped it up, and deciphered which part of Erwin needed to be cleaned first. Some of it was still wet, but it had mostly dried now, staining his olive skin with a macabre red. It was down his temple, cheeks, having run down his neck and staining his jacket and usually pristine shirt. It was mostly dry, but Levi refused to let it sit there, tarnishing Erwin’s features.

“Would you like to explain what the fuck happened?” Levi said as he wished for some water because he knew a dry sheet wouldn’t clean the blood. Tutting, Levi took out his water pouch and poured a little to dampen the fabric. He began to dab at his neck first, slowly working his way up Erwin’s face.

“There was an abnormal,” Erwin began, “we attempted distraction, but you can never account for their movements. It ran through a cart and some rubble. There was debris descending everywhere.”

Levi tutted again. “You could have lost an eye.”

“Well, I did not.”

“Do you know how useless you’d be without an eye?”

“I don’t think that’s true, it’s possible to live without an eye. I would only lose some depth perception.”

“Oh, right, I totally forgot that we don’t need depth perception as part of the Scout Regiment. I must be fucking dumb.”

Erwin laughed lightly through his nose as Levi got to the root of the problem near his hairline. He pushed the hair off Erwin’s forehead, parts either wet or dried with blood, and revealed the injury. The gash was not enormous, but the skin was split and Levi wanted to remedy it.

“I’m gonna sew it,” Levi informed him as he continued to dab because he didn’t like seeing Erwin covered in blood.

“Is it that bad?” Erwin asked, blinking repeatedly as some blood had also dried on his blonde lashes.

“I just want to be safe. I’ll check to see if they have some sewing shit.” Levi took a step back and thought about where a sewing kit might be, deciding likely in the largest bedroom. There might not be one at all, but Levi thought it best to at least look. All houses should have thread and needles, but Levi knew not everyone had sense. And he still couldn’t know when people were last here.

“How… sterile,” Erwin commented.

“I’ll sterilise it over a fire.”

“You won’t cauterise it?”

Levi shook his head. “I can make it a very small scar, barely visible. Cauterising it will make it a very ugly, obnoxious scar.”

Levi ventured out as Erwin stood. Levi stilled and looked at him.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked.

“I’ll start the fire.”

Levi approached him and pushed him so he was sat again. “You best stay where you fucking are.”

“Levi-.”

“Don’t start with me, Erwin. Sit still.”

Erwin smiled and sat back. “Yes, dear.”

Ascending the stairs once again, Levi ventured into the largest bedroom and sunk to the floor in front of the bed. There were a few boxes there, and Levi pulled them out one by one, hoping one of them might be what he was looking for.

In the first box were some old, dusty books with tattered edges. They were immediately not what he cared for, so he pushed the box out of the way. In the second sat some clothes, again smothered in dust, riddled with holes where moths had come in and claimed them as their own. Levi moved that one out the way, and claimed the third box that contained a sewing kit and some fabrics, riddled with the smells of age. He ignored the fabrics and pulled open the kit. Some of the needles were rusty, and there wasn’t a lot of thread, but he didn’t need a lot. He grabbed the only needle that wasn’t covered in rust or bent out of shape, grabbed some black thread, and retreated to Erwin’s side.

Erwin was sitting, but Levi saw logs had been gathered from where they were strewn near the fireplace, so he had not remained where Levi had told him. Levi tutted and was going to chastise him, but it did mean Levi had less to do, and Erwin hadn’t collapsed yet, so he merely walked towards the fireplace, arranged the logs and kindling, and used some old flint to get a fire started.

Slowly, it began to crackle to life, embers burning red and young as they began to lick up the thicker logs, consuming them with heat. Levi let it come to life, grow and consume the dried wood, perfect for a fire to eat. Once it was burning hot enough, Levi placed the needle over the flames so that he wouldn’t infect Erwin.

He sat there for a few minutes and, once it was as sterilised as he could get it, he threaded it and had to stand between Erwin’s legs. He had sewn before in Underground. In fact, he was adept at the art. He had never performed a suture on a forehead before but it felt wrong leaving it open. It wouldn’t need many stitches, but Levi wished to be safe. Erwin was precious cargo.

“Don’t move,” Levi said. “I don’t want to poke your eye out.”

Erwin nodded, which made Levi sigh.

“Is that staying still?” Levi asked.

“Sorry, dear,” Erwin said, and Levi smacked him on the shoulder, Erwin smiling.

Levi placed a guiding hand on his temple and inserted the needle into Erwin’s forehead. Erwin grimaced, which caused his forehead to scrunch.

“Erwin, I know it feels like shit, but I can make it a very small scar if you don’t move.”

Erwin made a small noise of affirmation, and Levi began to thread the skin together. Erwin’s hand came up to the fabric on Levi’s shirt and held it. Levi ignored the warmth of his hand nearly touching his flank, and continued to sew Erwin’s forehead together. Erwin’s eyes were closed as he let Levi work, and Levi focused almost all of his attention onto making Erwin whole again. Some of his attention was on Erwin’s hand so close to his body, but he didn’t let that take up too much of his mind.

It was just that Erwin was pretty distracting. Levi hated the dried blood down the right of his face, but it was hard to ignore the sheer… beauty of Erwin this close. His eyelashes were so fucking long, and pressed against the olive tone of his cheek, it very much illuminated the blonde of those pretty hairs. He was breathing slowly, trying his best not to wince or flinch as Levi moved the needle through his skin, neatening up the small gash, and it was… intimate. More intimate than he believed he ever could be with Erwin Smith. Erwin _Ackerman_ -Smith.

It was only four stitches, and after Levi tied it, he had to come even nearer to Erwin’s face to bite it off because he hadn’t found a pair of scissors. He hoped Erwin wasn’t bothered by his hot breath across his skin. Erwin dropped his hand, and Levi swallowed thickly.

Levi inspected his work as Erwin opened his eyes.

“How does it look?” Erwin asked, quiet against the gentle sounds of the fire beside them. It was entirely dark now. The only glow in the room was from the fireplace, and it warmed Erwin’s skin, flickered in the depths of his eyes.

Levi nodded. “It’s noticeable now because of the thread, but it’ll be a small scar once it’s healed.”

Erwin smiled. “Thank you, Levi.”

Levi shrugged. He had performed stiches on much worse wounds before, and he had become entirely too practiced in it for his liking, but it was what he had dealt with growing up in that crime-ridden hellhole. He knew how to sew up wounds, and the small one Erwin had was one of the easiest he had ever done. But he would do it again. For Erwin.

The fire beside them crackled, and they both looked towards it.

“We’ll keep the fire small,” Erwin said, reaching over to stoke the embers, the flames daring just a touch higher.

Levi agreed that this was probably for the best. They did not want to bring attention to themselves. They were in titan country, and they needed to be careful to not then be titan food.

“I thought I saw some rabbits or something when we came through,” Levi said. “Maybe I’ll try to catch some dinner,” Levi offered.

“Okay.” Erwin looked at him. “Be safe. I know Hanji has their theories about titans being nocturnal, but without hard evidence yet. Let’s be careful.”

Levi nodded.

He gathered whatever the fuck he thought would help with catching deer or some sort of game, and left. The sun had now winked out of existence, the skies turning from deep purples to the ever-black canvas that hung above them, forever out of reach. It was a void, dotted with stars that had names Levi did not know.

It meant, whilst surely attractive, it was not ample hunting time. He wasn’t sure he was great at hunting to begin with, they didn’t really have wildlife in Underground. There wasn’t a lot of greenery either, so Levi was not exactly a hunter.

He scared off the deer to begin with. He could kill titans, he could fight people, but he could not hunt deer.

It scared the absolute shit out of him when it burst from the shadows where it had been silent before. He nearly fell back, but he managed to grab onto a trunk to stop himself from falling. He was glad no one could see him fail like this. He would be called Humanity’s Weakest if they saw him have a heart attack because a deer had leapt from the shadows.

It took nearly an hour to catch anything at all. He wasn’t exactly good at tracking animals; he had never had a cause to. You didn’t hunt wildlife where he had grown up; you hunted people, and you stole food that was already made, not pre-made where it still had legs and the ability to run.

Eventually, he stumbled upon a warren. It wasn’t that far from where they were staying, but Levi was no tracker. Rabbits were speedy fucks, and Levi had no traps or any way at all to catch them except for his gear, and he really only managed to catch the two he did out of luck.

The moon was rising, casting its blueish, white light where it escaped through the thicket above. Levi took the two he caught and walked with the nightly breeze ruffling his hair, kissing his skin where it had grown quite warm trying to catch these pesky creatures.

Once back inside, the room was a little warmer, and Erwin had even set up a pot and found a knife that he was cleaning when Levi returned. Levi constantly tried not to think about what had happened here to get these people to leave everything in such a liveable condition.

Erwin smiled at him when he entered. There was still dried blood on his jacket and shirt, some in his hair, and it stained his olive skin, but he had wiped away the majority of it now, cleaned himself up. Levi would rather see no blood on him at all, but he supposed that wasn’t always possible given what they did for a living.

“Who knew the famous Levi Ackerman could hunt as well?” Erwin commented as Levi put the two rabbits on the table in the kitchen.

“I can’t hunt for shit,” Levi said. “I scared ten off to get these two, and that’s only because they’re runts.”

Erwin said they would be good enough for the evening, and they got to skinning them and then cooking them. The former was not a skill either of them had just like neither of them could truly hunt, but they managed. Messily. It would have to do. They were only to be here for a night, after all. If they were here for any longer, Levi would be mightily concerned because neither of them could hunt or skin to save their life.

They ate and kept the fire low, Erwin saying they should leave just before dawn to be safe, again relying on Hanji’s theory that, at night, they were safer from titans. They just had to hope Hanji’s theories were correct. Maybe they would be eaten tonight. That would be highly fucking inconvenient.

Levi went through to the larger bedroom again to find some more sheets, deciding that sleeping in the living area would be better as they didn’t want to start another fire. Smoke was to be kept to an absolute bare minimum. They would let it burn itself out, but it still meant the living area was much warmer than the bedrooms.

After he grabbed a few, cleanish sheets, he came out into the living area, and saw Erwin was already dozing. His eyes kept closing, his head resting on his hand as he watched the flames dance lazily on the firewood. He was so entranced by the orange embers that he didn’t even notice Levi come back into the room. His eyes were unfocused, staring emptily into the space of the fire as it gently crackled and let embers leap into the air.

His eyes closed for longer this time, his head dipping as he slipped fully into his slumber.

Erwin was a very calm, collected man who faced danger and challenges with a level head. There was usually a crease to his brow somewhere, a deeply furrowed expression or a dark consideration to his eyes. And he was so peaceful in his sleep. They woke at different times each day; sometimes Levi’s insomnia got him up early, and sometimes Erwin was up earlier because he had things to get on with. But, whenever Levi was up first, he did find himself watching Erwin and how peaceful he was. There were no lines, no lowered brow, he was tranquil. Levi couldn’t imagine what it was like to have a mind like Erwin’s, and so it was probably incredibly peaceful when he finally got to rest. Maybe his dreams were also tumultuous, but he looked serene in slumber.

Levi approached him slowly, not wanting to startle him, and he draped a couple of sheets over him. He would have preferred it if Erwin had taken off his jacket or shirt because sleeping in dried blood probably wouldn’t be comfortable, but they were in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere. There were some luxuries they had to go without tonight.

Tucking the blanket around him as best as he could, Levi took a seat opposite him, beside a window. There wasn’t much movement in the night, just the trees swaying in a gentle breeze, and the occasional bat that whisked through the darkened, inky sky.

He would switch between watching out of the window for threats, and then checking on Erwin. Slowly, his eyes closed of their own accord, Erwin the last image he saw, prettily aglow from the embers of the quiet fire that kept them warm. It was not an awful image to fall asleep to.

It was Levi who awoke first, and he gathered everything to let Erwin sleep peacefully. The small scar above his eyebrow was a little sore and red, but it would heal nicely. Levi would keep an eye on it because he didn’t care to see their Commander injured. It probably had something to do with Erwin needing to look pristine and calm always, and Levi obviously needed to protect that image. There clearly was no other motive for wanting to keep Erwin looking healthy and clean. None at all.

When it was time to go, Levi approached Erwin and gently shook him awake. Erwin’s eyes opened slowly, blinking steadily and revealing those stupidly blue eyes. He then became alert and straightened, looking for the danger.

“Do we need to go?” Erwin asked, his voice deeper somehow after he had slept, as if that was even possible.

Levi nodded. “There’s no danger, it’s just the right time.”

This reassured Erwin, and they gathered everything they had, readied their horses, and rode into the rising sun.

Given it was just the two of them, the couple of titans they did spot that began to move when the sun was higher in the sky were easy to outride. Levi did suggest taking one of them out when they got too close, but Erwin said not to risk it, and they rode harder. Levi hated pushing the horses too much, but he would feed them well when they were within safety.

When they saw the Walls, Levi’s shoulders finally relaxed, and they took a much gentler ride back to Headquarters. It was still incredibly early, but the streets were starting to fill with workers, lumberjacks, people setting up early market stalls. The gentle clop of the hooves soon ran silent as the streets were lining up with stalls and customers who gathered their fresh fruit and bread, overpriced and low in stock.

There was a minor stir once everyone had heard the Commander and his husband had returned. Hanji and Mike had planned to send out some scouts at first light and were just about to release them when they had heard Erwin and Levi had returned. Levi quickly fed his horse a handful of oats to escape being bombarded, but both Hanji and Mike found them before they could get to the safety of their room.

“Well, good morning, Commander Erwin,” Hanji greeted. “Good morning, Levi.”

“Hello, Hanji,” Erwin greeted, nodding at Mike as they started to follow the two of them back to the office. “How did the rest of the mission fare once the group was separated?”

“We had a couple more casualties,” Hanji informed him. “And we almost captured a titan, but, devastatingly, it was in everyone’s best interest to dispose of it. I am heartbroken, but there will be more missions.”

“More interestingly,” Mike added, “how was your trip?”

Levi glared at him and said nothing.

“Did you enjoy it?” Hanji asked, with a couple of awkward winks. “Some of the members have been talking, and we’re wondering if maybe the whole mission was a little ploy to get you two some alone time.”

As they reached their office, Erwin opened the door, and Levi said, “Oh, yes, it was very relaxing being in the middle of titan country.”

Before the other two could enter, Levi shut the door and they were left alone, in peace, and a little safer than before.


End file.
